Sitting In The Dark

A few days ago a certain colony member (who will be left unnamed, ahem) decided that he no longer needed to adhere to the Colony parents rules about electrical sockets.  You know, the ones you begin teaching your children as soon as they become mobile.  Ya'll, sometimes I think our kids gain a year of life and somehow begin forgetting some of the basic rules of survival we began teaching them when they were first born.  Like, shirts and shoes in cold weather will keep them warm (shocking, I know!), eating a healthy meal will mean you won't be hungry 10 minutes after your meal (again, earth shattering stuff here), and wrestling in the living room and running around in circles with a multitude of children in the house will always, always result in tears (Josh may or may not still be learning this one too).

*sigh*

Anyway, it lead to what COULD have been a huge deal (like a burned down house!) but thankfully God had other plans.  However, we WERE left in the dark for a couple of days until I could make it out to the hardware store and replace the damaged cord and guide it to a different electrical socket (because "electrician" does NOT fit into this Colony Mom's job description).

This problem affected the lighting in our dining room, which is where we eat our meals, do school, sweeping and mopping, homework, crafting with friends, sweeping and mopping, dinner with friends, reading, writing, and oh, did I mention sweeping and mopping...we basically spend a huge majority of our day here at this table and in this room.  The other issue is that the dining room light also provides light into the adjoining rooms of the house to help brighten those dark areas.  So on cloudy, rainy days like today we were forced to relocate to a brighter area in the house, away from the darkness and shadows, and into the light that could illuminate Areyna's math problems and Jude's dotted lines for school.

The thing is, we hadn't really thought about the lighting in this particular room until it was gone.  When we first relocated our dining room table to this particular area we had to figure out how to lighten the room bright enough for us to see our food at dinner.  But I had a plan for lighting by the time we actually made this move, so we never really felt the effects of the lighting dilemma...until now.

The darkness of our home over the past couple of days just so happened to coincide with a darkness that came over myself.  Once again I found myself in a mental battle, fighting for light and truth.  Reciting Scripture and an attitude of prayer are the weapons I have prepared for times like this.

Me and a couple of my brother-in-laws are memorizing a large chunk of Scripture together.  The words in the chapter I am on have NOTHING to do with mental illness, depression or anxiety.  The words are not about His closeness, or standing strong.  They don't speak on how He does not slumber because he is watching over me or His beautiful plan for my life.

But they are words of Truth.  And these words of Truth shed light from the actual source of them, and then pour into the source that lives within me.  They are words of the Story that God is writing and He promises that its utterances will never return void.  And because I know how this chapter ties into the rest of the story, I also KNOW with all my heart that He DOES draw me close, He IS my keeper who does not slumber, and He DOES have a beautiful plan for my life.

The source of the light is always there, inside, I just can't always see or feel the result of it.

Depression and anxiety hardly ever give notice that it is coming.  All of a sudden the darkness just comes sweeping in like a wave, carrying its victims out to sea.

Don't be caught off guard until one day you are just sitting in the dark.

Live out the truth in the light so that when you ARE in the dark you know what to do.

Halloween Candy: Keeping The Monster On A Leash

I've written a lot about the evil monsters that take over our children when candy inhabits the Colony home.

The greed.
The bickering.
The fighting.
The constant begging for the sugary substances that have a hold on their very souls.  

(Have you seen the Zombies on the Walking Dead scratching and reaching for the humans just inches away from reach through a closed gate or car door?  Yeah, that's what happens to me these kids!)

And then there's the Colony mom who can't handle having the sugary sweet goodness in the Colony house so she feels the need to eat every. last. bit. of. it. with little to no self-control because "we do NOT waste food in this house!" (see how I rationalize?!)

It's just not a pretty sight!

So last year we began to implement a new rule for the massive amounts of this sugary monster-infested stuff that overtakes a Colony of kids on a Halloween.

1 - You may eat as much candy as you want while we are out trick-or-treating.  No strings attached.  Eat away! (because we all know that it is impossible to keep track of all the kids and all the candy, especially when you are just trying to keep track of ALL THE KIDS!)

2 - You must be willing to succumb to the mom and dad tax at any time during the duration of trick-or-treating. (If you are a parent and have children you MUST begin implementing mom and dad tax.  That means you get sips and nibbles, bites and snippets of yummy goodness whenever they are had by the littles.  It is just part of being in the family.  And it teaches sharing and generosity, of course, ha!)

3 - When we get home you may pick 5 pieces of candy that you may eat during the following week for snacks or treats.

4 - The additional candy will be made into gifts for friends, family, and homeless kids/families.  And whatever is left over will be donated to programs that ship it overseas for soldiers serving our country.

5 - I give them each $1 for giving their candy up with a happy heart.

Since last year was the first year of implementing this rule it didn't go over as happily easily as we had wished.  There were tears.  Lots of tears.  The monster had seeped into their very pores without even being consumed!

But this year was an entirely different story.  Before we even made it home 2 out of our 5 kids had picked out their 5 favorite pieces and then handed out all the rest of their candy to their friends who had gone trick-or-treating with us.  And the other three went straight to the kitchen table, upon arriving home, to sift through their stash and gladly brought me the rest.  It was SO easy.

All that makes me so happy inside.
But here is what made me the most proud...

...the past couple of years has been spent focusing on our bodies and the effects that food (and life choices in general) have on our bodies.  The "temple", the "tent" that God has given us.  We talk about how our bodies are supposed to be used to glorify God.  We talk about things that HELP our bodies reach that potential, and things that HINDER our bodies.  What makes our bodies strong and our minds focused and sharp?

We would be naive to think that we could shelter our kids from all the candy and soda and UN-natural things that come along with being a kid (and the birthday parties they go to and the school friends that bring them stuff, or the special things we do as a family...and HALLOWEEN!).  And I kind of appreciate the learning moments when my 9-year-old wakes up at 2am throwing up bright orange Cheetos from over consumption and a lack of self-control (or because he snuck 3 too many bags...ahem...).

So we embrace the teaching moments of poor eating choices and explain WHY the eczema has flared up, and the emotions become unruly and the "freak outs" begin to rear their ugly heads and why the tummy aches until late into the night.  Moderation is key.

And that is why Zeke, my sweet 9-year-old who struggles in a huge way with compulsive behavior and self control, only consumed 5 pieces of candy last night.  FIVE.  (That's less than the lady who calls herself his mama!)  And was the first to hand over his leftovers after picking his five to keep as he told me, "I'm just really seeing what this kind of stuff does to me and I don't like it."

He is learning.
And that makes this whole journey (of keeping our bodies healthy) worth fighting.

A Different Kind Of "Special"

When I was younger and daydreamed about my future, it didn't look ANYTHING like my future has turned out.  I always believed I would have kids, but was never really a "kid person", so the fact that I was blessed with five little humans is a really big deal.

I also had a heart for special needs children.  My cousin with Down's Syndrome has always been one of the most precious creations to me and I could totally see God entrusting me with a child with some sort of special need.

But in my daydreams and thoughts of the future I always envisioned a little girl who was blind, a boy who couldn't hear, or having a child with some other "typical" type of special need that I had been accustomed to seeing.

Well, here I am.  The mother of 5 children, and if that isn't a miracle in and of itself, God created one of them with some pretty major "special needs".

But they aren't the ones I ever envisioned walking through with one of my children.
I never even considered these things to equal a "special needs" child.

My son may look normal and appear to be a typical 9-year old, so to an on-looker he just seems like an unruly kid who has parents that simply can't get him under control.

But under that stubborn personality is fear.
Beneath that fight for control is inner chaos.

He is extremely sensitive to emotions, peoples feelings, his surroundings, noises, senses, spiritual warfare...you name it, he is sensitive toward it (or so it seems).
He is obsessive about who has touched or breathed on his food.
He has sensory issues, OCD tendencies, ADHD, processing and other disorders...

I am here to encourage other moms who have children like mine.

You aren't alone.

I know you are exhausted because you can't let your guard down, even for a second, because you have to be prepared for the next "episode".  You know from experience that it can typically come without triggers or warnings, and you have to be ready.  Always ready.

I know you feel like you have missed something, second guessing all of your parenting techniques and strategies.

I know you get the constant looks and words of advice on how to handle your kid when in public.

I know it effects your entire family.  Finding someone who can watch him AND the others just for you to go to small group or even on a date is difficult.

I know the tendency to compare this child to others.

I know that you wish there was some kind of magic regiment that made all these "special" things just disappear.

But I also know that God doesn't make mistakes.  He makes us in His image.
Every. Single. One. Of. Us.

And I believe the things that make my Zeke "special" are the things that God is going to use in the biggest way!  It is out of Zeke's control.  It is completely out of my control (no matter how hard I try to "fix" it).  Medication/vitamins/ diet can only go so far.

But God.

God is His loving Heavenly Father, with a bigger plan for my special boy than I will ever be able to imagine.

So believe that God can use the "special" parts.
Pray audaciously for God to make it beautiful.
And then ask Him to show you how to jump on board with His plan as you help guide your child through this rough terrain.

Today I am thankful that He makes beautiful things out of our weaknesses.

Acknowledging the Label While Allowing God to Write the Definition

We have been on a long road with our Zeke.

I believe with all my heart that the Lord has called him to greatness for the Kingdom.
I believe that God's plan for Zeke's life is HUGE.
I believe that Satan has, can and will try to derail him any chance he gets as a result of this.
I believe that Zeke was fearfully and wonderfully made in His image, just like every other member of our family.

We have a Zeke journal that we have kept since he was two years old.
This journal documents ways that the Lord has spoken through Zeke and directly to Zeke.
There are things in that journal that can only be explained by God.

There is somethings special about that boy.

He is a very complex little human.
He feels deeply.
He grieves greatly.
He excites dramatically.
He hurts in such a big way that he has to act on it, whether it is on someone else's behalf or for himself.

I have written so much about our journey with Zeke as we have helped him thrive in spite of his anxiety, ADHD and multiple other learning issues, but some recent conversations with some friends have led me to write my take on why labeling our children can be used toward our advantage.

When we first realized that Zeke was battling something we began taking notes (hence our journaling).  We noticed things that were different than his sister.  We noticed how they were different that other little ones his age.  We just began to try to keep a record of it.  Our goal wasn't to try to label him right away, it was to see if there was truly anything worth "figuring out".

The more children we added to the Colony, the more we realized just how different things really were.  His emotions were hightened. His education was dragging. His impulses were many times out of his control.

We were confronted on more than one occasion about his behavior and were advised to get him checked out.

Now, I could have been easily offended by these "accusations" about having a "special needs" child.  I mean, who wants someone to tell them that something is "wrong" with their child?  Who wants to be told that they may be missing something as their parent?  Who wants to put a label on their kid?

But for some reason the Lord softened our hearts to this information.
After all, we had a choice...
get offended and deny that there could actually be some weight to the words spoken
OR
weigh the words and see if there could be any truth to the observations and if so, look into the suggestions given.

We ended up going to a psychologist just to get a professional opinion.  She is WONDERFUL!  She actually told us she hates using the word "labeled" because of the negative connotations,  but did, in fact, label him with ADHD, Anxiety, several types of Dyslexia and a Processing Disorder.  There were some other underlying things as well, but we left those sessions with a good idea of how to help him.

To me this information has been CRUCIAL to my parenting and patience with him AND my other children.

Fortunately for Zeke, he has a mama who fights the anxiety fight on a daily basis, so we have our own form of communication.  We both KNOW what it is like.  He (and ALL my kids for that matter) is so sensitive to me on those days where my anxiety is through the roof because we communicate openly in our home about what it is, how it makes us feel, and what we need from others around us to help get us through it.

There is a lot of grace, love, patience and forgiveness in this house.

The label allows us to see the "issues" for what they are, and then gives us all more realistic expectations for the way life needs to be.

For example:

As a family with a child with learning issues, we have to praise good reports often.  Even the tiny little progresses so he doesn't feel left out with a family full of academically different children.

We typically don't do Sunday evening activities because the kids are normally up anywhere between 5:30 and 6am for rehearsal call time and are exhausted by the time the 3 service lets out.  Zeke gets mentally exhausted before he gets physically exhausted which can lead to some major meltdowns if we have a busy afternoon or evening.  And that almost always runs over into Monday morning battles to get to school and then continues on throughout the day.

It means that sleep is VERY important.
Diet is crucial.
Routine is mandatory.
And consistency is not an option.

Just like we have a different way of working through issues with our adopted daughter because of her past, we have a different way of working through issues with each of our other children because of their make-up, tendencies, and stages of life.

My point is, don't be afraid of getting your children checked out.  If it's nothing it's nothing, no harm done.  If it is something, then my goodness, aren't you glad you KNOW what that something is?

Now I KNOW why we did the same lessons in homeschool for nearly 3 years with Zeke and were getting nowhere.
I KNOW why he freaks out when the teachers in his class are different, or the classroom atmosphere keeps changing, or we only go to 1 service this week and not 3 like normal.
I KNOW why he has a hard time focusing, and why he tugs at his shirt in nervousness, and needs to start saying his goodbye's before we even enter the carpool line in the morning.

The label gives a foundation to the behavior and allows for us to find the ways to help them get through it or thrive in it!

My only advice is...don't allow those labels to define who they are.

Yes I have "anxiety", but that anxiety is NOT who I am.  I am a child of God, fighting to take every thought captive and rest in His peace and consistency.

Yes Alethia was "adopted", but the fact that she was adopted does NOT define who she is.  She is a child of God, a forever member of the Via Colony, who may always be fearful of goodbyes and being left alone, but will never be abandoned again.

Yes Jude is a strong-willed little boy, but his strong will is NOT who he is.  He is a child of God, created to lead and be persistent (oh God, the persistence you have given that boy BETTER be used for good one day!).

We all have words that can label us.

Use the label as a platform to understand, and then allow the Lord to define those rough edges into something beautiful.

Passing Notes Under The Door ~ A story of a #ColonyMom meltdown and the kids that loved her through it

Setting: 4:30pm 

(the witching hour - ie. mom is tired and in need of a break while the Colony is hungry and in need of a meal and their quickly approaching bedtime.)

Mom: Jude don't throw that...

Areyna: Alethia won't let me have the...

Mom: Jude DON'T THROW THE...

Cai: Ahhhhhhh! MOOOOOOM, Jude just threw the...

(why does he ALWAYS have to throw every stinking thing!)

Mom: Baby, I know. Jude, no NO!

Mom: Girls, will you please come and unload the dishwash...

Zeke: AHHHHHH! MOM, JUDE IS PULLING MY HAAAAAAAAAAAIRRRRRR!

The Girls: Ah man. The dishwasher agAIN?!

Mom: JUDE. No, no baby! Stop pulling Zeke's hair.  Let go.  LET GO!

(takes Jude to the room to give him consequences)

I come out to crying girls, fighting boys - I've lost it.

I'm done.

I am no longer capable of being a good mommy at this point.

DONE.

I stomp down the hallway and slam my door.

Locking it behind me.

Sitting in the chair to stair out the window and pout.

Then I hear a crinkling under the door.

What in the WORLD do they need from me now?!

"BE STILL. Calm down"

 He knows this is my year's mantra and something I have been working on:)

Ok. that is sweet.

Now leave me alone.

More crinkling under the door.

Oh brother.

"I love you mom. Even when you are anxious."

 Ouch.

How does he know how anxious I am?

They NOTICE when I'm falling apart and not parenting in love but in anger?

Hmmm...

More stuffed paper under the door...

"You are the best mom ever." 

Oh wow.

I've acted TERRIBLE!

TERRIBLE!

and he still loves me and just wants his happy hearted mama back.

By now I'm sitting against the door and can't grab Zeke's sweet little love notes fast enough.

"Pray to God to help you."

 I quickly begin to cry out to the Lord.

For my bad attitude.

For my precious kids.

For my tender-hearted Zeke who GETS ME.

Who get's this out-of-control mama moment, because we have guided him through his own meltdowns.

"Read the Bible"

 By now my sweet Zeke is guiding me through the steps to calm down and get my heart back on track.

"You are awesome"

...and then brings it around to encourage me! 

"Shhh, Shhh, Shhhh"

 This is when I typically come in to sit with him and rub his back, give him some gentle kisses and prepare him to enter back into the family activities.

After reading these streams of notes I walked outside, called a family meeting and apologized to my kids.  Of course they were so gracious and offered immediate forgiveness.  Because that's just the kind of kids they are:)

But I wasn't done.  I asked them to help me walk through the past 30 minutes or so.  I asked them to think about what happened and tell me some of the things I did wrong.  I told them I was wrong and then we walked through the appropriate response that SHOULD have occurred.

What did I get out of this whole thing?

It's never too late.
It's NEVER too late.
You can always make it right.
Even when you screw up in the worst of ways.
Ask for forgiveness.
Accept that forgiveness.
And then mentally walk through the steps to handle the situation correctly next time.

I'm thankful for kids that understand grace and forgiveness, even when it is undeserved.
I'm thankful for a God that lavishes his love and grace on us, because it is never deserved.

Colony Thoughts On Essential Oils ~ Part 2 (Peaceful Child Blend recipe for ADHD included!)

*You might want to go back and read Part 1 to see if it answers any of your preliminary questions.*

I thought my previous post was getting a little lengthy so I decided to save my favorite recipes for a separate post.

NONE of these recipes are my own.  I have searched around the internet and talked to many friends who have given these to me, so I'll try to add links when available.

FACE SCRUB/WASH

by Rita Polk

most of a 14 oz. jar of unrefined, organic Coconut oil

***She used regular, not fractioned Coconut oil. It mixes right together.***

1/2 of an 8 oz. box of baking soda

10 drops of essential oils

***Rita used Geranium but I didn't have any on hand. 

She said you could also use, tea tree, lavender or citrus oils.  

I chose Lemon because I love the scent, it is great for troubled skin and I had it on hand already.***

BUG SPRAY

by Wellness Mama

Fill 8 oz. spray bottle 1/2 full with distilled or boiled water

Add witch hazel to fill almost to the top

***She adds 1/2 tsp of vegetable glycerin, but not only did I NOT have that on hand, 

but I don't even know what that is, ha!***

Add 30-50 drops of desired essential oil. The more oil, the stronger the repellent.

***She suggests using Rosemary, Clove, Cajeput, Lavender, Cinnamon or Eucalyptus.

I swear by Edens Garden "Pest Defy" blend, so that is what I used.***

PEACEFUL CHILD BLEND

Helps with ADHD, emotional trauma, fear, stress, anxiety and insomnia

***I have been given this recipe from SEVERAL resources and I LOVE it!  I use it on Zeke every morning and night and every once in a while in the afternoons.  We can tell a huge difference in his anxiety levels and attention on tasks if we don't give him his vitamin and oils consistently! 

 I also love the story behind this blend and this mama's heart behind helping others.***

I bought my first batch from HERE.  Zeke LOVES the soothing scent and how relaxing it is when I put it on.  I place it on the bottom of each foot, over his heart and on the sides of his spine.  The bottle didn't last very long so I ended up getting the recipe and making my own refill.  I will definitely be buying the original again though!

85 drops Vetiver

30 drops Ylang Ylang

20 drops Frankincense

15 drops Clary Sage

10 drops Margoram

30 drops Lavender

10 drops of fractioned Coconut oil as a carrier oil

Mix together in a roller bottle.

Rub on bottoms of feet, over heart, sides of spine and wrists 

first thing in the morning and right before bed.

My friend Stephanie gave me this resource, from DoTERRA oils, that is incredible as well!

ECZEMA

Jude's eczema can really get out of hand if we don't keep a constant eye on his diet.

But oil helps significantly!

I have found that Evening Primrose is a great carrier oil for skin conditions.

I mix it with Lavender, which is also great for eczema.

***simple but VERY effective***

PRODUCE RINSE

I wrote about a rinse I make to get chemicals and dirt off of fresh produce HERE.

Now I add a 5-8 drops of Lemon essential oil to the mix!

*************************

These are my everyday favorites that I wanted to share.

It's easy to find what oils are good for what on Pinterest and Google.

Go ahead and dive in.

I promise it'll be worth it!

Colony Thoughts on Essential Oils - Part 1

Oh Essential oils.

The "magic" that is supposed to happen when applying these oils to different parts of the body sounds too good to be true.

But the more I learn about them

and the more my friends teach me about them

and the more I see the first-hand results from them

the deeper in I get.

I am FAR from an expert on them, and I don't think I'll ever know all that I need to know, but I am now a HUGE fan!

I've been getting lots of questions about them so I am going to answer some of the top questions I get in this edition of Colony Thoughts on Essential Oils.

What brand of oils do you use?

I mainly use Eden's Garden essential oils and LuSa Organics.  I have several friends who are DoTERRA representatives as well as several others who sell Young Living essential oils, which are also excellent oils as well.

I love the Eden's Garden Essential Oils.  Not only is it excellent quality but it is affordable.  Our family couldn't do essential oils using many of the other brands because they are so pricey.  That being said, you can often find oils much cheaper on Amazon, so I'm not just partial to the Eden's Garden brand, I'll look for the deals too!  

Let me know if you are interested in DoTERRA or Young Living and I'll put you in touch with a representative for those wonderful oils!

Which oils should I get?

The first oil I got was the LuSa Organics Sleeping Potion blend to help my overly active children calm down and sleep.  And, YES, it works!

After a while I began hearing more and more about the benefits of essential oils and started doing a little more research (and heeding the advice of super smart friends) and purchased Lavender, Lemon Peppermint and Tea Tree (Melaleuca).  I'd also suggest finding a "Four Thieves" blend from a trusted brand.

I have now slowly weeded out just about everything in our "medicine cabinet" and switched to the alternative essential oil "medicine".  I can't remember the last time I actually gave my kids medicine or even took them to the Dr. (hello NO co-pay!)  I take that back, I gave Jude some Pepto last week, but it didn't do much and switched to a ProBiotic and  then a peppermint/ginger blend for his terrible tummy. And after 4 days on this regiment I am happy to say that Jude's tummy is FINALLY back to normal!

Start simple and work your way up.  You don't need tons of oils for it to be beneficial!

How often do you use them?

Every day!

Literally!

And it only takes a few drops at a time!

I diffuse them throughout my house all day and I'm constantly rubbing something on somewhere, ha!

What do you use them for?

Literally everything.

Tummy aches

Motion sickness

Muscle aches

Headaches

Migraines

Stress

Odor/Scent

Gas/Bloating

Hormone balance

Anxiety

ADHD

Eczema

Washing off produce

Making homemade cleaners, skin care products, laundry detergent, etc.

Acne...

You name it, there's probably an oil for it!

What are your favorite blends?

These are some of the Eden's Garden blends I use, but you can find the equivalent of these in many other brands as well.

FOUR THIEVES ~ natural immunity booster

HEAD EASE ~ for headaches

RESTORATION ~ a digestive remedy for tummy issues (I just got this one and am excited to see how it works)

CLEANING ~ I make a lot of my own cleaning solutions with this.  I also like to diffuse it after I spent a long day of cleaning.

STRESS RELIEF ~ one of my absolute FAVORITES to diffuse throughout the day!

CALMING ~ calms nerves and mental stress

BREATHE EASIER ~ helps to combat cold and flu symptoms

EXHALE ~ helps with respiratory issues

PMS EASE ~ hormonal balance and easing PMS symptoms.  I diffuse this in my girls' room every night, ha!

PEST DEFY ~ to make my own bug repellant 

*I've heard WONDERS about Young Living's M-Grain for migraines as well!*

If I use essential oils will I stop getting sick?

Well, not exactly.  But they will help with prevention and aid in a quicker, more healthful recovery.  Added with proper eating exercise and chiropractic care your health will be drastically different!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had so much to write about that I decided I needed to divide it up into segments.  So make sure you come back for more information like recipes to make your own blends and switching out your own medicine cabinets!

DISCLAIMER: This information is based upon my own personal research, information, and experience:)  In fact, I have since (actually about 6 months after this post was written!) switched almost exclusively to Young Living Essential Oils.  I know that they are safe to ingest so I only use YL for my allergy blend that I ingest every day and for major medicinal purposes.

A Miraculous Healing

I'm in the middle of another great book.
(I just can't help myself, ha!)

One of the sections is about a young man named Jordan, who moved in with another family for health reasons.  This particular family truly believed that a positive, biblical attitude could do wonders for the soul, and overall health of an individual, so when Jordan would walk around with a frown or self-pitty because of his declining health he was asked to leave the room, because the father of the household didn't want this negativity to effect his own children.

Jordan slowly began training himself to look at everything as a blessing and thanking God for even the little progresses in his health.

When he moved in with this family he was literally on the doorstep of death, so when he would have relief from his symptoms for even one hour he began thanking God for his healing.  He gradually began to realize that healing doesn't have to always mean a 100% recovery.  For him it was a minute-by-minute thing, and he was going to thank God for even than 1 hour of physical healing, knowing that the symptoms and pain would most likely be coming back, but knowing that his Creator had a plan and He had granted him that even one hour of relief.

This past weekend has been wonderful.
My anxiety has been near non-existent.
It has been the best feeling in the world.
Not that the kids didn't argue over Legos or squirt each other in the face with water guns or grumble about what was for dinner...no, that would mean I was dreaming;)

No, this was different.
A stressor was JUST a stressor, not something that raised my heart rate and blowup.
Laughing was abundant.
The little things were JUST little things, that were kept in perspective.

I remember thinking to myself, "This must be what it's like not to have anxiety!  I wish I could be like this EVERY day".

In turn, Zeke was having an exceptionally good Sunday afternoon.  He was compliant to correction, obeying with a happy heart, being patient, helping his siblings...and I can't even count the number of times he told me he loved me last night:)

While we were getting ready for bed he stopped and looked up at me and said, "I wonder why I feel so happy today?  I feel so happy and have a lot of energy! I wish I could be like this EVERY day!"

Out of the mouth of babes, I tell ya.  That is my sentiment exactly.

And then all of a sudden I remembered this part of the book that reminded me that Zeke and I had, most definitely been healed from our anxiety.

Maybe not forever, but for yesterday, and for me the following two days before.

I turned to Zeke and said, "Zeke, I don't know what has given you such a happy heart today, I hope it stays around for along time, but right now, God is allowing you to have this great day, and so we need to thank him for taking all those other feelings away.  Even if they come back tomorrow, TODAY he has taken them away."

A few minutes later I saw him praying in his room, literally thanking his Creator for his healing.

I may be ridden with anxiety tomorrow, or even this afternoon for that matter, but today, RIGHT NOW, I am healed, and for that I am thankful!

an RBI and a WIN

I don't know much about baseball.

I used to be THAT person.  You know, the one that thought all you had to do was hit that tiny, hard, ball with a bat as hard as you can and then run really fast. And when you aren't hitting it you are supposed to catch it in a glove and pray it doesn't knock you out by hitting your head instead.

But Zeke...he has showed an interest in baseball for well over a year now.

He was checking out baseball books from the library.
He was asking his friends all about their games and how to play.
He asked for us to sign him up the next time baseball season came around.

Which, if you know Zeke at all, is absolutely mind-blowing.

Zeke is typically very fearful of new things, only wants to do things that other familiar people are doing, wanting to get involved in things that he knows.

But this boy of mine is NOT letting these things define him.

He has branched out into an area that his daddy and I have no experience in.  It's not basketball, which his daddy loves, it's not football that we play on TV in the fall, it's not soccer like his mommy plays, it's certainly not music, which flows through our family veins.  This is Zeke's thing for sure and he is owning it!

I wasn't there to see his first few practices but from what I've heard he was, well, a little behind the rest of his team, to say the least.  Josh was trying to freshen up his own childhood techniques to help guide Zeke as much as possible, but we weren't giving him much to work with.

His coaches have been SUPER sweet to him.  In fact, one day after practice his coach stayed after to work on his batting for an extra 20 minutes or so.

Yesterday was Zeke's first game.

If I am honest I used to think about this season of life that was coming, dreading the boring recitals or slow-paced ball games I would have to sit through, wondering how other parents (my own parents) could get so excited, but as I walked up to that field last night I could hardly contain my mama pride!

I saw my boy wearing his cute little uniform...the smallest boy on the team.
I saw him standing where he was supposed to, actually engaging in the game instead of drawing pictures in the dirt.
I saw him stand in the batters square, fear still in his eyes, but not allowing it to take over.
I saw my little boy growing out of his fear and into a confident young man.

When it was his turn to bat he hit 2 strikes.  His batting is slow and timid, but his form is perfect.  He has so much to think about, but he is determined to get it.

Then that last ball came in
he swung
and hit it straight up to first base
allowing his teammate to run in from 3rd base to home plate!

That's called an RBI...runner batted in, and that, my friends, is a big deal:-)
(I'm learning;)

His coaches and teammates and the other team parents cheered him and the team on!

They went on to win 7-0.

But I could care less about the fact that he won,
or that he actually hit the ball, much to my surprise
or that he is playing baseball, the all american sport.

What thrills me is that he is standing up to his fears and branching out into the unknown.

This is HUGE!

And yesterday is the beginning of that confidence building that he needs.

The coaches praised him in front of the entire team last night for helping get a player home safe during the team meeting after the game.  Then he let Zeke count off the team cheer.

I can't wait to watch his next game, or see which instrument he wants to master, or watch him get his diploma, or see any other way the Lord will guide his gentle spirit, because I'm his mom.

A proud mom at that.

Zeke,
I am so proud of you. I love being YOUR mommy. I don't care what you choose to do, just walk with the Lord, love Him with all your heart, and He will help you overcome your fears.  And I'll be on the sidelines cheering you on, you can count on it!
Love forever,
Mom

Added Attention and Multi Calm ~ vitamins for the ADHD and the anxious

Many of you have asked what vitamins we use for Zeke.

He has ADHD and anxiety and we weren't anywhere near ready to go down the medication route with him yet.

My friend mentioned that she gives her daughter these vitamins and that they really seemed to help her, so I thought they were worth a try.

And boy are they ever!

Every morning Zeke takes these two supplements and I swear we can tell a difference when we've neglected to get them in!

Since we have started these he hasn't had 1 day where his teacher writes home about him being distracted or needing reminders to focus and concentrate.  He is much less dramatic and much more "calm" (if that word even exists in Zeke's dictionary;).  He processes things quicker and with much easier and is can rationalize through a thought much more fluently.

I read the reviews and many spoke very highly about the effects these supplements had on their kids, but there were also just as many reviews about how they couldn't tell a bit of difference.  I believe that if your child's chemical makeup is lacking these essential vitamins then this supplement is going to be exactly what they need.  I'm guessing those other children had some other issues that just need some other intervention, whether it is different vitamins or other medical help.

Anyway, these supplements have MY stamp of approval!

The first one is Natural Vitality Kids Calm Multi.  I first got it at whole foods, but found it cheaper on Amazon.  It is a liquid that he takes every morning with breakfast.

The second one is Buried Treasure Added Attention.  Again, I got this at Whole foods but have found it cheaper on Amazon.  Zeke could hardly stand this liquid version, so I found chewable "wafers" (they taste like a mix between smarties and sweet tarts!) and he eats 2 of them every morning as well.  They are called Source Naturals Attentive Child.

Inappropriate Panic

As a child who struggles with anxiety, Zeke has inherited my "gift" of abundant tears.  Any number of things can bring on the waterworks on any given day, no matter how hard we try to hold them in.

I am getting better at controlling my emotions in my old age, but Zeke is still learning.

When he begins falling a part over little things like Cai looking at him the wrong way, or a missing shoe, or the Lego car that fell resulting in a missing missile, we calmly tell him, "Zeke, those are inappropriate tears".

We're trying to teach him to logically think through the real reason for the hysteria and talk himself off the ledge with reason and perspective.

But did you know that a lot of us live in this realm, and most of us don't even know it!

Sure, you may not cry over every little thing, but you hit the panic button on life, causing you, and everyone around you, to dive into scurry mode.

I'm reading a book called "The Time of Your Life" by Susie Davis.  It is an excellent read! (I got it for $.01 on Amazon BTW).

The chapter I read today was titled, "the trap of inappropriate panic".  Boy did it hit the mark on women of this generation.

We tend to hit the panic button from everything to straightening up the house for a guest to trying to get out of town for a "fun" family vacation.

Not only are we creating an unpeaceful environment for those around us, but we are "training up a child in the way he should go" and that way is completely inappropriate!    For example, if my kids see a stressed out mom all the time, where every little thing is cause for scurry and panic, they will think that it's normal to act that way and most likely fall into those same unhealthy patterns as an adult.

Susie asks us the question, "Do you leave your hurrying and scurrying for real emergencies or do you live in the hysterics of a tornado lifestyle, driven on by a skewed perspective."

If we live life in panic mode, and then wonder why we are stressed out all the time, we could probably use a hefty dose of perspective...and maybe we could ask someone to remind us that "that is inappropriate panic" to help talk us off the ledge:-)

Oh, That Kid With The Cape? ~ a Zeke schooling update

I just got back from a conference with all of Zeke's classroom teachers, principals and special resources teachers.

They kept talking about this little boy.

They were remembering when he began at the school just one year ago.
He had to be wrestled out of bed, then wrestled to the breakfast table, then wrestled out of the car, then wrestled down the hallway to his classroom, then fought anxiety with every single transition throughout the day.
He was timid.
He was shy.
He was fearful.
He didn't know his letters.
He couldn't even count to 10.
Writing his name was even difficult for him.

But now...
...now he's the boy who is a joy to be around.
They can't get him to stop telling his cute stories.
He can determine what mood everyone in the room is in upon entering because of his sensitivity.
He has tons of friends.
He LOVES science and is beginning to read.
He can count to 100 by 5's AND 10's.
He still writes backwards and upside down, but he doesn't do it without a fight to get it right.

This boy is known for,
playing hard
wearing a cape on the playground every day (we still aren't sure where he hides that thing throughout the day and this is my first time hearing about the caped boy at school)
wearing his coat for security
guzzling water from his water bottle all day
He is known for laying hands on his friends and praying for them if they are sad in class or get hurt on the playground.
telling stories to avoid doing work
putting his hood on so he doesn't have to read
slinking down in his chair so that the only thing his teacher can see is his head
doing work with his feet in the air and twisting around his chair in circles

If anyone at the school refers to "the kid with the cape" his teacher's know, "Yeah, that's Zeke".

Oh, you wanna know who that boy with the cape is?
Yup, that's MY boy!

We're All About The Little Things Around Here.

For the past couple of years Zeke has slept on the top bunk.

This means that he tends to be close to the air vent.

An air vent that looks like creepy hands are coming out of a face that resembles Joker.

Josh and I quickly realized that the vent and Zeke were never going to be close friends so we pinned a pillow case in front of the vent between it and the top bunk to hide it.

One night last week when Josh was gone Zeke kept coming out complaining about being hot.

By the time I finally went into his room he had stripped down to his underwear and the room fan was IN his bed!

I tried to explain that the cool air wasn't getting to him because of the sheet covering the vent.
I mentioned maybe taking it down to allow the cool air to circulate.

After thinking about it a few minutes he reluctantly allowed me to remove the sheet from the ceiling.

I tried to lightheartedly remind him that the vent was only a vent.  It's sole purpose was to provide cool air when sweaty boys need it:)

After he finally got situated in his bed I stood by the door with the hall light on, just to make sure that the transition was going to go smoothly.

He gave me a thumbs up shortly after feeling the cool air on his body and he melted into his bed.

Relief from the heat.
Relief from the fear.

We had a breakthrough last week.

Zeke may never completely overcome his fearful tendencies, but this seemingly little thing is an absolute victory for him!

We're all about the little things around here.

The Dreaded Removal Of Gluten Products

I've known for a while that we were going to eventually have to go this route for Zeke, but man was I procrastinating!  I just want to eat normal food without having to think about what is in it and the effects it is going to have on us.

But alas, the time has come.

We are diving in, head-first, into the gluten-free land of taste-free food. Meh.

We did a thermal scan on Zeke's spine, since he has been showing significant signs of ADHD and are not ready to even entertain the medication approach, and it very clearly showed signs of gut irritation from food allergies.  (Which might explain his record breaking snot bubbles!)  His special resources teacher told me that she is pretty sure he'll make it through 1st grade without medication, but was very doubtful about getting him completely through elementary school without some form of "help".

And if that weren't already enough, he has a little brother plagued with skin and sinus issues as well!

We are already going to the chiropractor and he is more than happy to work with us.

And since we've already formed a relationship with our much-loved psychologist we will probably inform her of the new findings in this complex specimen we call Zeke.

We're realizing that the cozy couch not only helps with his anxiety, but with his ADHD as well and we've got a few other tricks up our sleeve that we are going to try as well.

That leaves the diet.

We've already been working on eliminating the majority of dairy:(  We still do yogurt and cheese on pizza, but at least we're trying here!  Lucky for me, I have a sister who is a pro at dairy free eating!

Next on the list is the dreaded elimination of gluten products.  Lucky for me I have a dad who eats (and a mom who fantastically prepares) gluten free yumminess.

I admit, I have selfishly put this off for far too long, but I am realizing that we should at least give it a try (mainly for Zeke and Jude).

So here goes nothin'.

Focusing On The "Don't Have's"

Part of the anxiety and OCD curse that Zeke and I have been dispositioned with is that our minds get stuck.

This is normal for just about everyone at some time or another, but is exacerbated for someone who struggles with anxiety and/or OCD tendencies.

Yesterday the zipper on Zeke's book bag broke.  The handle came completely off and the zipper itself was stretched out so that it wasn't able to be fixed.  That meant that he needed a new book bag.  This would be the most awesome thing for any other kid, especially since we are that family that doesn't get "new" things until our original thing no longer preforms it's intended purpose.  Our kids are using their same book bag from last year and they were fine with that.

In fact, they were SO fine with it that when I went to pick Zeke up from school yesterday he was coming "unzipped" himself (see what I did there?;).  He couldn't handle the fact that everything he knew about book bags had just completely fallen apart.  That his security in the familiarity of his bag was no longer going to be familiar.  He was literally beside himself.  Panicking with the thought of having to "start over".

He just wanted what was set in his mind.  His expectations for his bag were to last forever.  Even after finding the exact same Batman book bag (in black instead of gray), he simply could not get over the fact that he wanted his old, familiar book bag.  Even though something SO MUCH BETTER is now within his grasp...a BRAND NEW shiny book bag!

He is slowly coming around, but what a battle of the mind.  To let go and will himself to be grateful for what he DOES have and letting go of the past or unrealistic expectations of the present.

Hmmm...can you see where I'm going with this post?

How many times do we sit around and mope and complain about all the things we feel like we are entitled to?  All our unrealistic expectations, all while preaching the provision of God and how He knows what is best for us.

If we truly believe that God has our best interests in mind when creating our life journey, don't you think that we can praise Him, even when our expectations are not met?  Even if the outcome of certain situations is different than we expected?  Most likely there will be something SO MUCH BETTER right within our grasp, if only we can let go of what we always thought our lives would look like and grab ahold of the plan that God has already laid before us.

Let Me Explain

When Zeke was diagnosed with anxiety last year I found myself so relieved.  Not out of a lack of empathy for the kid, Lord knows how hard it is to live with anxiety, but because I had a "why" for the majority of his behavioral issues.

But I still felt the need to "explain" his reactions and behaviors to friends, family and the innocent bystander who just got cut in front of at the drink machine.  I didn't want other people to think I was "that mom" who just allowed her child to act so out of control.

I mean, it really is all about me anyway, right?!

Then, yesterday I met up with a friend of mine.

She is in the exact same stage of parenting as I am, but she also has 2 teenagers to add to her brood of 6 (she just HAD to outdo the Colony by one, ha!)  She is a wealth of information, knowledge and ideas for this desperate mama.  She is in the trenches of infant hood, toddler hood and adolescent parenting all at the same time!  She is one of those mom's who I look at and want to gleam from, and luckily I get to call her "friend".

We escaped for a few hours from the many mommy-shadows we call children, for a walk around the small town with a bright future we call, Rolesville.  Our conversation led from one thing to another, but mostly circulated around parenting.

I hung onto every word she said, but one phrase one particular phrase stuck with me.  It is going to forever change my outlook on parenting and shaping these little hearts that have been entrusted to me.

She was talking about a certain situation with one of her kids and referred to their go-to line they repeat to their children.

"I don't care WHAT people say or think about you, as long as you are taking steps toward Jesus."

Not only do I want to live by this truth myself, but I want to teach my children that our parenting will not be based on what other people will think or say about them (or us as their parents for that matter).  They will be faced with dozens of choices a day, and each choice will either reflect a desire to take a step toward Jesus or away from Jesus.

I shouldn't feel the need to explain my children's behavior, but I should feel the need to talk to my kids about the choices they are making and how those choices affect their walk with Christ.

That should be the only explaining I need to do.

Resources For Dyslexia and Anxiety

I love this BOY...every BIT of him!

I'm learning.

Always learning.

It doesn't stop after you finish school.

Or have your last kid.

Seasons change.

Kid's change.

Needs change.

Life...always changing.

After Zeke was diagnosed with Dyslexia and Anxiety (along with sensory and processing issues) everything made sense!  I had so much more patience with him while teaching him in school.

When Josh and I finally made the decision to put Zeke in school I had a complete and total peace about it...but when I got this text from his special resources teacher I was overjoyed!

I saw the first-hand proof that Zeke is exactly where he needs to be to THRIVE!

I've had several mom's approach me asking for information on what we are doing to help him with his anxiety and dyslexia, so I thought I'd link a few of our favorite resources and tips that I've gotten from other teachers and parents that have been a huge help for us!  A HUGE thanks to all of you who are walking this road with us and praying for Zeke (and us:).

Oil - we have a friend who introduced us to doTERRA.  She gave us a sample of this sleepy-time blend.  It is pretty pricy if you buy it directly from the internet so we have actually opted for another brand, which is only a fraction of the cost, but has almost the same ingredients and honestly seems to have the same effect:) We use it on all the kids every night.  They actually ask to "do oil" every night:)  Josh typically does the oil ritual, but when he is out at night time they are stuck with mom, ha!  It is a soothing aroma blend that is supposed to help the kids calm down and sleep.  When Josh applies it to the first foot he prays over each kid, and then on the second foot, they pray.  It has become a sweet, sweet time for all of us.  The added benefit is one-on-one quality time, heart-to-heart time with Christ and physical touch.

No-dairy - we have been working really hard to cut out dairy, and boy can we tell a difference.  The same friend who told us about the oil also told us about trying to cut out dairy.  We have substituted his cheeses, yogurt and milk with goat, almond and soy products.  The effects are obvious.  He is more even-keeled, calm, compliant, less emotional and typically more obedient.

No artificial flavorings and dyes - I've been reading labels and opting for the foods with natural ingredients for preserving and cutting out the foods with all those artificial flavorings and dyes.  We are also watching sugar intake.

Apps on iPad - we have found several helpful apps on the iPad.  All of the ones we have gotten are FREE and work on letter recognition and formation.  I also use them with Cai and Alethia!  Zeke is still struggling with writing the letters, even though he can now recognize letters A-K and consistently say the sounds they make.  He can write his name, and a handful of default letters like "B", "a", "s", "P" and "k".
The three apps I recommend are:
LetterSchool
Little Writer
I Can Write

School - Zeke's school has an EXCELLENT special resources department.  I've heard some horror stories about children and the IEP's they have been assigned to, but thankfully that isn't the case with us.  He typically spends about 3 hours in his specialty classes.  Zeke is learning to really love school and we are seeing substantial progress!

Cozy Couch - I've written about our cozy couch on here before.  After school Zeke is really wired up, I'm guessing from sitting still for so long at school.  He also gets really fidgety when he is concentrating really hard for an extended amount of time.  So as soon as he walks in the door we grab him a snack and he "gets" to go sit and decompress on the cozy couch for a while.  He comes out a different kid!

No wrestling right before bed - Zeke LOVES to wrestle, but it gets him really riled up.  We've noticed that the bedtime routine goes much more smoothly if the wrestling matches occur around dinner time.

Preparing for transitions WAY in advance - this is important for most kids, but for a child dealing with anxiety it is a NECESSITY!  If Josh isn't going to be home tomorrow night we try to tell him at breakfast the day before. If our typical Sunday morning routine is going to be different, we lay out the series of events that will take place so he's not caught off guard.

Being proactive with potential triggers - being in tune with the things that typically trigger "freak-outs" is monumental.  A few of Zeke's triggers are: days with different schedules, places with lots of people, lack of adequate sleep, diet, rooms without windows, not being able to "pack his stuff" when we have to leave the house.

Think Positive - teaching him to think on the positive, not just on the things that go wrong.  For instance, read this post about his outlook on a typical day when sometimes just one or two things go wrong.

Therapy - Zeke has gone to some therapy sessions with an excellent psychologist to help him deal and cope with his anxiety.  Anxiety isn't something that will just eventually go away, especially when it is genetic like his (and mine).  It is something that we have to learn to live with and find ways to thrive.

Finding the things that they are good at and capitalizing on them will help you get through each episode.  Patience, understanding and constantly being creative and finding support from family and friends (and an occasional cry in the quiet of your closet) are key when parenting a child with special needs, no matter WHAT their needs are:)

Zeke and his Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

As soon as I made eye contact with Zeke after school his demeanor changed immediately as he came running up to me.  He started stomping his feet and punching the air.

I'm left wondering what in the world I had done wrong.

"Daddy said HE was going to pick us up after school!  I didn't have a good day!  It was a TERRIBLE day!" he shouted.

Trying to calm him down and get to the bottom of his "terrible" day as we walked home, I began probing him with questions.

The culprit(s) to Zeke's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day were as follows:

• a lost water bottle at lunch
• a crown that got left behind in his classroom
• the realization that his Uncle Heelz wasn't going to be at our house which meant he couldn't wrestle with him that night
• Daddy didn't come to pick him up
• he ran out of time to eat his snack
• he didn't get to check out a book during library time

After a long talk about how God has given us a choice to respond to disappointments in different ways, and about how that response can redeem a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day we walked through the different things in his day that made it seem so terrible.

• His water bottle can always be replaced.  (It was later found inside his lunchbox while I was cleaning it out.)
• His crown could be replicated. We can always make a new one. (It was later found in his cubby at school waiting for him.)
• His Uncle Heelz lives close by and the fact that his family didn't need to stay with us that night was a blessing for them because they had better arrangements.  It just means that patience would have to be practiced while waiting for his next wrestling match with his Uncle.
• Yes, Daddy said he would be the one to come and get you after school, but plans change and we have to be thankful for and proud of daddy for the hard work he does to provide for our family.  He'll be home very shortly and then we'll have daddy for the rest of the night all to ourselves!
• It's true that running out of time to eat your snack is devastating, but now you get to eat that snack as soon as we get home.  We can sit and tell funny stories while you eat it.
• It's a good thing you go to the library every week.  Now you have plenty of time to decide in your head what you want to pick out for next week so when the time comes you won't have to waste that time deciding on the perfect book.

What a great reminder this little conversation was for me.

So often I let my circumstances determine my response and outlook of the entire day.

Like when someone spills a freshly poured cup of milk on my freshly mopped kitchen floor, or a vase gets broken, or I miss out on an important event for Areyna at school because of poor communication, or I run out of time to go to the store...

Gosh, my list could go on and on.  But if I let those little things effect my entire attitude then I'm going to be the one responsible for the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day...and make it that way for the rest of the people around me.

So, I'm working on perspective today (and I'm putting that milk in a spill-proof sippy cup this time too:)!

Finding His Happy Place

One of the best take-aways we've gotten from Zeke's therapy for his anxiety is our "Cozy Couch"

We've created a physical "happy place" where Zeke can go to cool down.

It's kind of like a time out, but completely positive.

You are sent to the Cozy Couch, not for isolation, but to regroup.

Everything associated with the Cozy Couch is intentional.

It is created to train his mind to switch from the emotional, irrational side,

to the more rational side, by the use of different sensory objects.

bubble timer - he knows to turn it over to start the time and to come out when time is up

It isn't a place to go chill for 30 minutes, but instead a timed event

calming things to look at

magnets to concentrate on using touch

smelly markers, a cuddle blanket and animal, silly puddy, stress ball

When this idea was proposed by his psychologist I was like,

"yea right, he's just gonna act out so he can go play with those fun toys".

BUT

It has worked wonders in this house!

It hasn't been abused and he realizes its effect and will go to it on his own to calm himself down!

If you have a child with anxiety, or other sensory issues, and have questions about the cozy couch technique please email me!  It has really made a big difference in the atmosphere of our whole family.

tasha @ joshviamusic .com