2018 Backlog - Field Day (May 4th)

Josh and I decided to volunteer for last year's field day

at the kid's school.

My activity was a blindfolded letter hunt in a sandbox.

Then they had to form the best/longest phrase with the letters their team retrieved.

Josh had a put-put course that I didn't get any pictures of because I was busy

judging crazy phrases and words.

You'd be surprised what some of those teams came up with!

Rainy even came and helped out.

It was fun to see the kids in their own environments

with all of their friends working together during these games.

Be The Change

I have one particular child going through something right now. We have been at a stalemate for years and we are at a point where we really need to address this issue head-on...again.

Talking to them last night I tried to reassure them that I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that some of the situation is COMPLETELY out of their control, but that I also knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that there were at least SOME things that they COULD control.

This child simply hasn't put any effort into the part they could control because they can't control it ALL. We set out a game plan, knowing there is absolute grace in what is out of their control, and just doing our best to make progress in the part that IS in their control.

This takes discipline.
This takes motivation.
This takes getting over the pride that keeps us from taking ownership and seeing our own responsibility for growth, (because let's face it, as soon as we think "Whatever, I'm good with God. It's YOU that has to get it together.", you are fooling yourself into the lie that you have arrived and don't have any sin in your own heart to work out. We are ALL works in progress).
Which all takes a LOT of prayer, because it is ONLY THROUGH CHRIST that we can make the move.

I tried to explain that they would never have freedom from this particular situation unless they chose to make a move in a different direction.

We often tell our kids when they are arguing back and forth about something that nothing is going to change unless one of them takes the higher road and stops it.  Sometimes it means simply walking away (because it's hard to argue when nobody else is in the room to argue with).  Other times it's as simple as just NOT fighting back. Either way, SOMEONE is going to have to change something for it to stop.

If you are feeling stuck and not knowing how to get out of the pit, try taking a step in a different direction.
Try offering grace instead of blame.
Try softening your heart instead of building up that wall.
Try loving instead of putting down.
Try stepping in the shoes of someone else instead of always playing the victim.
Try forgiveness instead of holding on to the trophy of bitterness, anger and/or resentment.

I don't know what it needs to be for you, but just try something different.

It is uncomfortable for sure.
It absolutely seems unfair much of the time.
But isn't the grace we've been freely given just as important as the grace we are commanded to give?

I know, I know...easier said than done, but MAN is it worth it!

Today, take one step in a different direction to begin to be the change.

Lean Into Hope. Pray. Rejoice In The Wins. Repeat.

I was reminded today of just how SPECIAL of a job it is to raise these kids that God has entrusted to us.  Man, every day I am made aware of how imperfectly I am doing it, but God's grace carries us through, amen?!

I was hustling around the house this morning trying to get life back in order after a great weekend.  Our home had a revolving door of ins and outs as different people came and went.  We shared meals, had lots of play time with the kids, welcomed a couple new families into our life/small/MC/house church group (Oh the titles we give these things, ha!).  Just the way we like it!  I even had the laziest Saturday EVER as I sat by butt in front of my fire pit outside all day, only getting up to prepare and monitor meals when the kids couldn't hold out on food any longer...oh, and to keep the fire going.  For a moment I thought about running inside to grab a book but quickly decided against it since that would require me getting up out of my blanket bundled around me in my favorite fire pit spot.  I know, my life is so tough, ha!

White space in life.  One of my favorite things.  It allows for moments to be still and also opens up opportunities for people interruptions, which in my opinion are the best of life's interruptions.

Anyway, as I was picking up around the house and placing things back in their appropriate place (because we all know that kitchen utensils don't belong in the Barbie house and Superhero costumes shouldn't be mixed in with the dog food) I saw something that made me freeze in my tracks.

My oldest daughter, just a couple of months away from turning 13, had her Bible open on her desk, with her journal and highlighter ready to go.

We are about to enter into uncharted territory as our kids begin making more and more choices on their own as they get older.  There is nothing we can do to stop it, nor should there be, but it is sometimes going to be uncomfortable to loosen the reins I'm afraid.

But what a privilege.

I think we are so often told to "hope for the best but expect the worse" in so many situations, especially through the teenage years.  I know for sure that this was reiterated to us by so many people throughout our adoption.  And sometimes that mindset is absolutely necessary for expectation's sake.

But as we enter this new season I am reminded just how much of this HOPE is found in Jesus.  I know it sounds so cliche, but is it not the truth?

I don't for a second believe that we will get through all five kids' teenage years unscathed from heartache and sinful choices or think it is going to be easy. We aren't naive.  On the contrary!  I was "one of those kids".  My poor, poor parents.  But we have talked so much about those years together and none of us would trade them for the world because those years, though full of tears and pain, have made EACH OF US who we are today because of the HOPE we share in Christ!

So what does that look like for Josh and I?

We pray for their hearts.
We pray for OUR hearts.

We pray for their choices.
We pray for our responses.

We pray for God to keep them close.
We pray for their will to keep Him close.

We will continue to stay surrounded with godly friends who are a few steps ahead of us and allow us see their wins and loses up close and personal as we take vigorous notes and pray along with them.

And then we will rejoice in the WINS along the way,  like seeing our oldest daughter reading the Word of God all on her own that day.  There may be seasons where that desire is not so strong, but today,  today she is seeking Him and staying close.

Lean into HOPE.
Pray.
Rejoice in the WINS.
Repeat.

Time To Enforce The Rules

Zee only pretended to cry after I made him pose with his pile for a quick photo.

I have a mom friend who takes $.05 from each child for every article of clothing she has to turn right side out for the washing machine.  Now THAT is a smart mama!  She had a frustration and she put a plan into place to eliminate the frustration.  That idea got me thinking...I have already simplified my laundry system so I don't necessarily have that frustration, but "what if" I had children (5 of them to be exact) who were having a difficult time remembering to put their clothes away.

Hypothetically, of course.

And "what if" this particular non-act put me in such a grumpy mood that things were said that probably shouldn't be said, at a level and tone of voice that probably shouldn't be allowed.

Like I said, completely hypothetical.

It would do our whole family some good if I followed my friend's example and put a plan in place to eliminate the lazy behavior and the frustration it brought.

So here is my not-so-hypothetical plan to get the kids to put their clothes away.

For each article of clothing (costumes, socks, shoes, jackets, pants, undies...) that I find on the floor I get $.05 for whomever it belongs to.

I shared the plan with the kids but initially still had lots of grace and leniency, which wasn't really helping anyone.

Until one day, I walked in the boys room and I could hardly see the floor!

Enough was enough.

Today the rule would be implemented.
Tears were going to flow but lessons were going to be learned.

I piled everything up in the middle of the room and left it there until the boys got back home from school.

After we settled down after school I called all three of the boys into their bedroom and had them sit next to each other facing me and the pile.

They had no idea what was about to happen.

I started holding up pieces from the pile, one at a time, and asked whose it belonged to.  This divided the massive pile up into one pile for each boy.  Cai looked nervous, Jude just looked interested in what was going on, and Zeke, well, most of the pile was his so he just kept laughing and laughing, kind of nervous but it was as if he had already resolved to accept whatever consequences were coming his way (which is HUGE for this particular boy, BTW).

We then made a mini math lesson out of it by counting each pile's pieces by 5's.

We only had to get up to 15 for Jude.  Cai had 35 and Zeke had a whopping 85, ha!

I then reminded them of our rule and that that day we were going to be taking away $.15 from Jude, $.35 from Cai and $.85 from Zeke.

Jude didn't skip a beat as we counted out his money.
You would have thought I made Cai hand over all his toys and told him that we weren't celebrating Christmas with him, ha!
Zeke just took it like a man, respectfully laughing through the lesson at his misfortune, owning up to the consequences he clearly knew he needed (again, SUCH a huge thing for him!).

Sometimes I find it hard to follow through on things like this, but I wasn't helping anybody by enabling them to continue on in their sloppiness.  And my attitude wasn't benefiting anyone either (just ask my kids).

But now, wouldn't you know I walk into a clean bedroom every morning after dropping the kids off at school.  And one quick reference to a sock in the driveway or a spiderman mask has them scurrying off to put it away before I can even finish my reminder!

This time, it's a WIN for everyone!

Here's to many more WINS, a lot less mom freak-outs and being able to glean wisdom from other wise moms that God has allowed me to be surrounded by.

Simplifying Life and Letting Go Of Perfection, One Load Of Laundry At A Time

This is just part of my project for today.

We have a lot of bodies to cover in this house.

Which means we have a lot of laundry that goes through our washing machine.

But if there is anything I have learned about being a mom, it is that I canNOT do everything.  I can't. And I'm learning to be just fine with that.  Really.  Truly.  Honestly.

One of the things that I have let go of is the laundry process.

I actually do pretty well keeping up with laundry (we try to keep  minimal amounts of clothing for each child so this helps cut down on the amount of laundry.  This tip is FREE.  You're welcome!)

I should also mention that I don't presort my laundry before washing...but don't tell my mom that part.  I know, I know, I'm breaking the #1 rule of laundering clothes.  But I just can't keep laundry going for so many people if I'm constantly trying to make full loads of different kinds or colors.

The part that always gets me is the folding and putting away.  We will have a growing mound of clean laundry piled up in our bedroom for days sometimes, before I get around to finishing the laundry process.

But I wanted to share a secret that has helped tremendously!

I stopped folding the laundry and putting it away.

Yup.  It's true.

Well, at least my kids clothes.

Now, instead of meticulously folding and putting clothes away (that are inevitably going to get all messed up in the next search for the favorite pants that were intentionally placed in the back of the drawer...ahem) I simply go through these next age-appropriate steps.

1. While Sorting the laundry - If I come across something that is Josh's or mine I immediately fold it.  BAM!  Done.  Then I have a girls pile, a boys pile and a Jude pile.  Towels and dish cloths are also folded right away.
2. The girls are old enough to turn their clothes right side out on their own.  So after their clothes are piled up together I go drop them off in their room and they put them away as they see fit, into their own drawers and closets.  I do still match their socks (because I'm a nice mommy;).
3. The older boys just transitioned over to this stage.  Previously I was turning their clothes right side out for them before placing them into their pile.  Then I go drop their pile off in their room for them to place in their drawers and closets as they see fit. I definitely match their socks as well (because poor boys have a hard enough time even getting said socks into the laundry in the first place).  I also put their undies and socks in their bins (since I'm an extra nice mommy to them, ha!)
4. Jude has just transitioned up a stage as well.  I used to turn his clothes right side out and then fold them.  I would make a stack of shirts, a stack of jammies and a stack of pants.  Then he could put them in his own bins.  NOW, though, I just turn his clothes right side out and pile them up for him to place in the appropriate bins as he sees fit.  He shares undies and socks with Cai so he doesn't have to worry about putting those away (because like I said, I am an extra nice mommy and I love my boys more, lol.  Just kidding, Rainy is reading this over my shoulder so I just needed to see her smile:).
5. Then all that's left is to put Josh's clothes away, my clothes away and the towels and dish cloths away. (and sometimes I'm not feeling like a nice mommy any more and ask a kid or two to do that step as well, hehe)

And because we all like a nice word diagram to help solidify a new process here you go:

Sort (into piles) --- Drop (in their rooms) --- Let Go (of your laundry control)

You might be surprised at the ones who actually decide to "fold" vs. "stuff".  Plus it frees up extra time in your day/life for other things (like playing Settlers of Catan or Dutch Blitz...because those are very important things to make time for).

We, as mama's, can get so uptight about things around the house.  Find some little steps you can do, like this, that can aid in letting go of some of those perfectionist tendencies.  It'll bring such freedom.  I promise!

***2018 UPDATE ~ Each of the kids are now at the stage where I simply sort their clean clothes, socks and all, into a pile (a boys pile and a girls pile) and they are in charge of all the rest! We don't do enough laundry, nor do the kids have enough clothes, to justify making full loads of just one person's clothing. So I do a couple of loads every other day or so and it keeps everybody going just fine.***

Taking Off The Floaty

Josh and Rainy at the intro night for student ministry at church

I have written and rewritten a half dozen posts over the past month but can't bring myself to complete a single one.  I feel like I'm so far behind on capturing our lives (the main reason I began blogging in the first place), but more so, I feel this new tension rising as my kids get older.

My life no longer consists of sharing tired ramblings after a long night with a fussy newborn, or reviews on the best spill-proof sippy cups.  My kids, minus Jude, pretty much speak like maturing little people with words flowing in the appropriate order (although, if I could get Cai to keep his two front teeth from growing in, we might be able to hang on to his cute little lisp for a little bit longer), and parenting is taking that deep dive from the shallow waters of physical exhaustion of the little years to the mental exhaustion of preteen and adolescent years.  I've still got my foot firmly planted in both, but the weight is increasingly leaning into the deeper side.

And because of that, I can no longer "just write" about my life as a mom and how I'm trying to learn how to thrive instead of just survive these little years.  The words that fill my journal these days are saturated by these little lives that are beginning to form their own identities and the trials they are facing as they grow up and learn to step out of fear and into the steady hand that promises to guide them.

And that isn't MY story to share.

It's hard for me to be vague.
I like to just say it how it is.
But I'm having to show great restraint in order to protect these little lives God has placed in mine, and respect their wishes for privacy.

My prayer is that they will learn to work out their faith, labor through their love and cling to the hope that gives endurance (1 Thessalonians 1:3), and those are things that I CAN write about.

I'm hoping I can figure out how to continue to be an encouragement to other moms in similar seasons but still keep my integrity as a trustworthy mom who doesn't share THEIR story unless I'm given the green light.

Here's to a new season of blogging, parenting and swimming in the deep end without a floaty.

Writing Apology Letters To My Kids

This morning my mouth, and the fiery darts that came from it, completely dictated the temperature of the Colony home.

I had a normal morning.
Quiet time, office work, prep the house for the day (open curtains, turn off nightlight and make beds) had all been completed, but I had this nagging in my heart that wouldn't go away.

My personal feelings of discontentment, whether they had birthed from disobedient children or 3 of them not using common sense (for the LOVE, could you please tell my kids that common sense will take them so much farther in life that not using the intellect that they were given!), or my own personal failures, were boiling up until I hear one little bickering argument over a noise that one child had asked the other NOT to make...

It was not pretty.

Moments after waking up my kids,
the atmosphere became frantic,
the kids began melting down one by one,
and the unsympathetic, accusing, dictating words began to flood out of my mouth before I could even realize what was happening.

I could literally see my kids hearts bleeding...
but the words just kept coming,
which led to more inward frustration at myself because I couldn't get a handle on myself.

Not one ounce of self-control.

Have you ever had one of those days?
No?

Well, I'll admit it.
And I'm ashamed of it!
But I know my God is bigger.

And then the realization of how much I am loved by a Father who is nothing but love comes crashing down on me and I am undone.

After getting the kids to school Jude and I had to run some errands,
and I cried the ENTIRE TIME, ya'll!
Cried and prayed.

Because praying is the only thing that will center me again.
The only lifeline back to the perfect Father, who gives so abundantly and graciously to those who ask.

So I asked.
I BEGGED that He would be the one to guard my mouth and put a watch over my lips (Psalm 141:3), so I can speak healing, truth and love to my kids (Proverbs 12:18).

And, as if writing those verses 5 times in apology letters to my kids weren't enough to get them engrained on my heart, in my head and over my mouth, I wrote them on the walls in my dining room table.

Our words have so much power, and I'm praying mine can become more life-giving than spirit quenching.

"There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts,

but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

Proverbs 12:18

Teaching Your Kids To Be IN The World, But Not OF The World ~ KITW

“How do you love the sinner without loving the sin?”

Hasn’t this been the age-old question?

Our kids started out being homeschooled, but after some complications we decided to enroll 2 of our 5 kids into the public school that was practically in our backyard. We have been blown away with the support they have given our now 4 children who attend  their school. We are in consistent communication with all of their teachers and the special resources department has been better than we could have ever imagined for our special needs child.

But the decision to place our kids in the public school system has also opened up many other opportunities for discussion, and ministry, and service. We have been able to open up our home to classmates and their families. And we have been able to begin conversations about the very real world we live in. We’ve decided not to shelter our kids in this area. We are in it to get dirty for Christ and to shine brightly for Him!

But how in the world do you teach your children about the world without being judgmental of the world that tends to do things so differently from your family? {Read More...}

Spiritual "Gifts" ~ KITW

Christmas is one of those things I battle with almost all year long.

I am still working on finding a balance. After last year’s mandatory “gratitude experiment” I was very tempted to just forget about Christmas gifts all together! I was so done with the greed and the ungratefulness. I wanted my kids to “get” that Christmas was Jesus’ birthday and that we were going to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior and that that very fact should be enough to celebrate.

But then my husband brought me back down to reality. Reminding me that there is nothing wrong with gift giving, or receiving, for that matter, it’s all a matter of the heart and the heart is what we needed to work on and cultivate. Our kids needed to know what to expect and be grounded in the reality that giving can be such a gift in and of itself. I needed some way to be okay with loving on my kids through giving them gifts, but balancing it with proper focus.

So how do we do that?

{Read more...}

When Our Children "Depart From It" ~ KITW

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he shall not depart from it.”

Proverbs 22:6

I used to think this verse ensured that if I was a good enough parent and taught my kids how to read the Bible, how to pray to God, and the joy of serving in the local church body, they would be sure to have a solid relationship with our Heavenly Father. Even if they made bad choices for a time, they were going to come back, just like the prodigal son, because that is the promise of this verse in Proverbs.

But now…now I’ve lived, and seen, and heard, and witnessed enough heartache to last a lifetime of parents grieving the waywardness of their children and their unwise choices.

The purpose of the book of Proverbs is to teach knowledge and wisdom. The verses within this book are full of advice for everyone, in all stages of life, on how to live a fulfilled and Christ-centered life.

But all the wisdom and knowledge in the world will never negate the free will that God has given us.

He wants us to choose Him.

But the fact of the matter is, not everyone will... { Read More }

Halloween Candy: Keeping The Monster On A Leash

I've written a lot about the evil monsters that take over our children when candy inhabits the Colony home.

The greed.
The bickering.
The fighting.
The constant begging for the sugary substances that have a hold on their very souls.  

(Have you seen the Zombies on the Walking Dead scratching and reaching for the humans just inches away from reach through a closed gate or car door?  Yeah, that's what happens to me these kids!)

And then there's the Colony mom who can't handle having the sugary sweet goodness in the Colony house so she feels the need to eat every. last. bit. of. it. with little to no self-control because "we do NOT waste food in this house!" (see how I rationalize?!)

It's just not a pretty sight!

So last year we began to implement a new rule for the massive amounts of this sugary monster-infested stuff that overtakes a Colony of kids on a Halloween.

1 - You may eat as much candy as you want while we are out trick-or-treating.  No strings attached.  Eat away! (because we all know that it is impossible to keep track of all the kids and all the candy, especially when you are just trying to keep track of ALL THE KIDS!)

2 - You must be willing to succumb to the mom and dad tax at any time during the duration of trick-or-treating. (If you are a parent and have children you MUST begin implementing mom and dad tax.  That means you get sips and nibbles, bites and snippets of yummy goodness whenever they are had by the littles.  It is just part of being in the family.  And it teaches sharing and generosity, of course, ha!)

3 - When we get home you may pick 5 pieces of candy that you may eat during the following week for snacks or treats.

4 - The additional candy will be made into gifts for friends, family, and homeless kids/families.  And whatever is left over will be donated to programs that ship it overseas for soldiers serving our country.

5 - I give them each $1 for giving their candy up with a happy heart.

Since last year was the first year of implementing this rule it didn't go over as happily easily as we had wished.  There were tears.  Lots of tears.  The monster had seeped into their very pores without even being consumed!

But this year was an entirely different story.  Before we even made it home 2 out of our 5 kids had picked out their 5 favorite pieces and then handed out all the rest of their candy to their friends who had gone trick-or-treating with us.  And the other three went straight to the kitchen table, upon arriving home, to sift through their stash and gladly brought me the rest.  It was SO easy.

All that makes me so happy inside.
But here is what made me the most proud...

...the past couple of years has been spent focusing on our bodies and the effects that food (and life choices in general) have on our bodies.  The "temple", the "tent" that God has given us.  We talk about how our bodies are supposed to be used to glorify God.  We talk about things that HELP our bodies reach that potential, and things that HINDER our bodies.  What makes our bodies strong and our minds focused and sharp?

We would be naive to think that we could shelter our kids from all the candy and soda and UN-natural things that come along with being a kid (and the birthday parties they go to and the school friends that bring them stuff, or the special things we do as a family...and HALLOWEEN!).  And I kind of appreciate the learning moments when my 9-year-old wakes up at 2am throwing up bright orange Cheetos from over consumption and a lack of self-control (or because he snuck 3 too many bags...ahem...).

So we embrace the teaching moments of poor eating choices and explain WHY the eczema has flared up, and the emotions become unruly and the "freak outs" begin to rear their ugly heads and why the tummy aches until late into the night.  Moderation is key.

And that is why Zeke, my sweet 9-year-old who struggles in a huge way with compulsive behavior and self control, only consumed 5 pieces of candy last night.  FIVE.  (That's less than the lady who calls herself his mama!)  And was the first to hand over his leftovers after picking his five to keep as he told me, "I'm just really seeing what this kind of stuff does to me and I don't like it."

He is learning.
And that makes this whole journey (of keeping our bodies healthy) worth fighting.

To Jump Up Or To Stay Seated

Before Josh and I had kids we observed lots of parents and very quickly decided that we were NOT going to be the parents that jumped up every time their kids scraped their knees on the pavement or bumped their elbow on the table (which is a good thing because I would never be able to sit down. EVER.)

Most of the time these boo-boo's hardly even warranted a Band-aid, much less a dramatic drop of whatever their parents were doing just to go lavish them with attention when they could just as easily just jump right up and go back to playing.

I can honestly say that this is one area that I have withheld to my pre-parenting standards.  (Sometimes to a fault actually.  Remember that time I kept fussing at Rainy because she kept getting out of bed crying for water.  I stood my ground, telling her that she was FINE.  Until she woke up the next morning with a 103.6 fever and strep throat?! Yeah, NOT the time to tell them to suck it up and stop procrastinating on going to sleep, ha!)

There is a balance that has to be made.

I want my kids to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, their mom and dad are on their team, cheering them on, and will most certainly step in if we NEED to, but I want my kids to know that they have been equipped to walk the very shaky steps of life on their own, as we teach them along the way.  I want to help them learn to get up on their own, assess the actual (not hypothetical) damage of the situation and realistically see if their situation is something to get upset about or not.  Because a lot of times I think our kids just feed off of us (our fears for them) and our reactions to what they are going through.

This balance is particularly important for Zeke and his anxiety episodes.

If I were to accidentally wash a stack of his most prized Pokemon cards (ahem...) and he were to find them the next day on an early Sunday morning at Journey, I might need to have a little more compassion on him than in a situation where he were to walk over to see that "my favorite pencil" that has been sitting on his desk under papers and trash for 3 months without being touched, had been picked up by the little destroyer of all things Jude the dude.  (Of course this is ALL hypothetical!)

It also applies to Areyna breaking down over someone using her markers vs. someone messing up her science experiment that she had been working tirelessly on.

Or to Alethia saying that her friend didn't want to be her friend any more vs. Cai calling her a "poop head".

The fact of the matter is, our kids are going to have to face things their entire lives.  Are we going to be there to walk alongside them as they try to work it out or are we going to try to carry them the entire way.

If we carry them we are adding their very real burdens onto our own very real burdens.  But I don't think that is healthy.  We have to be willing to put them down.  We cannot carry them that long.  We weren't meant to carry them that long.  We carry them until they can get down and walk on their own.

I know us mama's jump into fix-it mode every time something in our kids lives gets off track.  Of course we want the best for them.  But what are we really fixing if we jump in and flex our mama muscles?  We are ripping that self-confidence out of their hands for being able to figure it out on their own.  We are deterring them from turning to God and asking Him for help if we are the ones who always try to make things better.  We are taking a learning experience away that will further their dependency on their relationship with Christ.

If we jump it may make them feel better for a time, but its merely a Band-aid as they grow up in this very real world full of hurt and disappointment, and they will eventually begin to just expect us to jump and fix all that is wrong with their lives.

I know for me, this is something I have to pray for on a daily basis as I decipher when to jump and when to sit.  Sitting is harder, for sure, but when we sit, it allows God to do the jumping.  And He can jump way higher and fix way better than we ever could.  Besides, our children are really His anyway.

It's Finally Friday. It's Fall. And then we baked.

Pumpkin muffins are sitting on the counter. (Don't bother asking for this recipe.   They don't really taste like anything:(.

Banana bread is in the oven. (this is ALWAYS a hit!)

Dinner is prepped. (homemade pizza because I needed something I didn't have to put any thought into.)

Kids are with the sitter (aka Netflix).

And me?

Well, I am in my room with nothing but the sound of the rain outside and the smell of cinnamon and orange diffusing in the room and the ambiance of stringed Christmas lights behind me and candles glowing to my left.

It is the loveliest moment of my day.

In case you missed it, Wednesday was the FIRST DAY OF FALL!  My absolute favorite time of year!  So the fact that fall decorating was on our to-do list didn't come as a surprise to the kids.  (Can I just say that the Target $1 Spot has come a long way in seasonal decorating options!) That, and the fact that it is rainy and cold-ish, called for the baking that made the list today.

I don't know what it is.

I used to be so good at being alone when Josh would leave town.

But now I can hardly wait for him to walk in the door!

Maybe it is the Lord humbling me and reminding me that it isn't actually ME that gets me through at all.  But HIM!  EVERY. Time.

This Colony spent nearly 3 hours in the doctors office today for poor little Cai-bo.  He had been running a fever since last Saturday and we had tried everything under the sun to help with his symptoms.  It was only getting worse and he was beginning to have labored breathing and crying uncontrollably.  So off to the Dr. we went.  2 breathing treatments, negative Meningitis, Flu and strep tests later and we were back home and feeling a little better.  Breathing tends to be a bit important I suppose:).

Then there is Josh.  His back is out. Like, can hardly walk, out.  Shuffling is his mode of transportation and strong pain meds are the only thing that enabled him to get on his flight back home.  He'll be home late tonight and we are SO ready.  We are also so thankful for a Chiropractor that is willing to see him first thing on a Saturday morning!

But this is just how it is in ministry a lot of times.  Every single person in different ministry capacities can vouch for the crazy health and spiritual things that happen when God's Kingdom is growing and you happen to be privileged enough to be part of it.

All this to say, I am in my happy place right now.

For this little moment.

And I'm thankful.

VERY thankful.

Also, I'm glad that my sucky circumstances, known as the last two days, do not dictate God's love that he continues to lavish on me and the grace he continues to give to me as I parent these little people through my exhaustion (and accidental four-letter words that may have slipped out in front of said little people).

TGIF

The Shift

Everybody likes a good solid plan.
But we also know that those good solid plans can change in the blink of an eye.

We were at Via Vacation all last week which is why you didn't hear from me all week.  It was gloriously relaxing and atypically quiet for having nearly 20 children 10 and under in one house all week.  They kept each other occupied and little to no drama.  It was heavenly!

We arrived home late Friday night and enjoyed a nice Saturday unpacking, repacking and getting daddy ready for Honduras (he left at 4am on Sunday morning!).  The Colony plan was to get all packed up and head to Journey and leave straight from there to go to my mom and dad's.  She is nearing the end of her weekly chemo treatments and we were so excited to love on her for a few days while daddy was out of the country and before the kids track back into school next week.

But then life happened.
Cai began running a fever on Saturday morning.  And we can't take germs anywhere near my mom so we were stuck.  I'm pretty sure every single one of us shed some tears when the reality sunk in.  My kids haven't seen my mom since her diagnosis in January.

And I know myself.
If I sit around and sulk for too long I will get stuck in the rut until Josh gets home, desperately trying to climb out of the hole and feeling "behind" the rest of the week.  And then the kids and their attitudes and hearts quickly follow suit.

So we called a family meeting and made a new plan.
Something fun for each day.
Spending as little money as possible.
And enjoying this BEAUTIFUL fall weather God has lavished on us this week!

Yesterday's grand plan was to go to the Dollar Store and get sidewalk chalk.  Yup, $1 for hours worth of fun making scooter tracks on the driveway and pictures in the carport.
I was also feeling a little creative and gathered all the empty containers I'd been saving (and expired spices after cleaning out the spice cabinet) and built the outdoor kitchen for the kids I'd been dreaming up.  I had a few extra pallets from the pergola project and some extra cabinet doors and knobs from the ones we had ripped out of the laundry room.  A little bit of sawing and a few screws later and this is the end product.  The kids have been playing outside since their empty breakfast bowls hit the kitchen sink.

So here I sit, cuddled on the couch with my Cai-bo, all the windows and doors open, writing a blog and waiting for Lumpy's to open so we can get our local milk and promised ice cream:).

IT'S GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY!

Spear In One Hand, Tool In The Other ~ KITW

Have you ever read the account in Nehemiah when he rebuilt the wall around Jerusalem?

If not, go read it right HERE. It may take a while to get the full context, but it’s totally worth it!

Several weeks ago at Journey, my home church, Pastor Jimmy taught through this particular story. I have read this account several other times, but something jumped off the pages this time around as our Pastor began to dive into the emotion and persistent actions Nehemiah took through his relentless obedience to God.

Nehemiah was given a task and he not only obeyed with a happy heart, but he obeyed in the midst of constant ridicule and threats. But he felt SO deeply that this was God’s will for him during this season of his life that he fought through the difficulty to complete his task.

These particular verses are what really caught my eye: {read more...}

The Accountability Of Company

The Colony has an open door policy.

That just means that we want to have a home where we long for people to feel safe coming to.
We don't want them to feel as though they have interrupted our life.  Rather, we long for it to be a place where they can organically insert themselves into our family and just "be".

A couple of years ago we opened our home up to a homeless mom and her teenage daughter.  They resided in the living room of our 3 bedroom home on our couch for 3 weeks as they healed from past experiences, tried to refresh their outlook on life, and worked to get back on their feet.  The daughter quickly referred to me as her "white mama" as I hung out with her and tried to love on her in the afternoons while her mom was out trying to make some money at a new job so they could start a fresh life.  I loved it.  And the kids loved it, except for the weave that kept getting wrapped around their toes from the bathroom floor where they fixed their hair:)

Please don't read into this and get a glorified picture of how it was.  These are some of the happy moments.  There were some very difficult moments within those 3 weeks as we learned how to live with 2 strangers in our small-for-9-people home.  And the ending of this story still breaks my heart, but let me get to the point of me sharing this moment in time.

I believe I parented well during those 3 weeks.
In fact, I'd go as far to say that it may have been the best 3 weeks of parenting I had consistently ever had.

Why?

Because our family was under watch 24/7.  These two ladies watched and mentally took notes.  They knew who we were.  They knew what we stood for.  They knew where my husband worked and what we claimed with our mouths.  And now they wanted to see if we were actually going to live it out.

We were put to the test as we waded through parenting and life with these two just waiting for us to mess up so they would have another excuse to steer clear of the church and the claims of the believers who had previously shut them out.

It was quite an adjustment after they left.  Yes, we had our home back, but we were emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted and, as I felt the freedom to finally let my guard down, my poor family were stuck in the undertow.

There was another time when Josh got the brilliant idea that we should live-stream our Christmas tree decorating with the Colony.  If you were one of the lucky ones who tuned into that live event I owe you a HUGE thank you!  You kept those blasphemous words from exiting my mouth and that spoon from spanking on a whim, or from throwing those blasted un-lit, forever-tangled-up Christmas light strands from being thrown across the room, ha!

But man, when that camera turned off I was that crazy mama who got sent to the "cozy couch" for some cool down time.

These are just two examples.
I don't want to put on a show.
No, I really want to be a consistent parent, who disciplines with grace and love ALL.THE.TIME.
I don't want to yell, but dang, when there are Colony kids who are all going in different directions a mamas just gotta yell to get their attention sometimes. (See how easy it is rationalize?)

But I guarantee that I wouldn't dare raise my voice (at least NEARLY as much) if someone were over at my home for the afternoon or hanging out for the weekend.  Oh no, I can keep it together that long.

It's not even the fact that I'm trying to put on a show or be something I'm not.  I'm merely being the mom I know I CAN be and using all my energy to do so.

But I'm not a mom to the rest of the world.
My primary mission field isn't to everyone else who comes in the door (that doesn't mean I'm off the hook with them either, but it means that my primary purpose in THIS season is to the husband and the 5 littles who already reside with me on a day-to-day basis.)

I want to be the same mom I am when we have someone enter our home, as I am at 8:30pm when the boys keep coming out of their beds to "tell you sum'pin mama".  Or when the girls get a creative streak with fingernail polish  and their Barbie car.  Or when Zeke has one of his episodes.

I know I will NEVER arrive at "perfect mom" status.
That not the point!
I simply want to strive to parent (and wife) as though someone were always watching.  Because my littles are.  And my husband is.  And for goodness sakes, my Heavenly Father is.

Yes, I will be held accountable for the way I love on others.
But sometimes that's the easy part.
I need to remember that I will be held just as accountable for how I react and respond to life when the company is gone.  When the doors close for the night.  When NOBODY ELSE is watching but the ones God gave me who call me mama.

"If you really want to understand a man,

don't just listen to what he says but watch what he does."

~ Maurice Blondel ~

P.S. If you can't get out of the yelling-at-your-kids rut or the, how-am-I-supposedl-to-even-handle-this-3-year-old problem I would encourage you to invite a family or young couple over for dinner.  Take notes on your own reactions and responses while people are watching.  THAT, my friends, is how we are supposed to parent.  Let others be your constant accountability.

The Magic Minute - 3:30pm

Our Squad just read a book called "Hands Free Mama" by Rachel Stafford.  I have to admit that it wasn't my favorite book of all times, but there were definitely some step-on-your-toes moments.  I was also able to take away a few tips that will become a normal part of my routine as a mama living a more intentional life.  I'd like to share one of them with you.

You know when "they" tell you that in order to get good sleep you need to start winding down your day (and body) 30 minutes to an hour before actually getting in bed?  That means getting off electronics and putting the final touches on the to-do list for the next day.  These small actions help you mentally unwind, allowing your body to become more relaxed, making it easier to fall asleep peacefully.

While reading this book I was prompted to think through my day at some of the most stressful times in my day, and for me it is the time between the kids getting home from school and the time dinner finally gets placed on the table.  I have 4 kids to help with homework while browning the ground beef, snacks to juggle while cooking the rice, papers to sign while chopping the veggies, folders to empty while scraping the bottom of the pan that I just burned from the overly-browned ground beef (I really have an issue with multitasking stove-top activities and anything else;), and...Jude to manage.  I tend to start commanding instead of asking, talking loudly instead of tenderly, and getting unrealistically impatient.

I decided that I wanted to try to eliminate some of those not-so-good mama moments by being a little more proactive prior to the kids rushing the backdoor demanding their favorite snack.  So I gave myself a mental cut-off time to begin winding myself down and getting ready for the Colony and the needs they have for their mama.

For me, the time is 3:30pm.
This gives me a good 15-20 minutes to unwind mentally from the tasks I've been pouring into and shift to the next part of my day.  Meaning, less distractions and more intentional focus on the kids.

I CANNOT be in the middle of a deep post, or balancing the dwindling bank account, or settling insurance claims on the phone and expect to be mentally capable of being the mom I need to be when the kids get home from school, so I need to plan accordingly.

I want to be finished with projects by 3:30 or at least getting to a stopping place.
I want to have as much dinner prep done by that time as well.
I try to have the house picked up enough so I'm not tripping over toys before 4 more Colony kids walk through the door, adding to the chaos.

At 3:30 I want to be winding down and mentally preparing for the second half of the day.
This isn't always feasible but it is the goal that I work toward every day.  And I don't always make it a priority and it is on those days that I pay for it in meltdowns by everyone involved, including me!

This time not only helps ME but it gives the kids an easier afternoon because their mom is typically more mentally and emotionally present.  Plus it allows Jude and I some snuggle time on the hammock as we wait for the kids to walk through the field:).

Do you have a time(s) in the day where you can almost count on the blood pressure rising or the panic setting in from being overwhelmed or completely stressed out?  Maybe you can set up some boundaries for yourself to help eliminate the distraction to be able to focus on what is important at that specific time.

Family Camp 2015 ~ Review

first day of camp

The Colony had the privilege of being a part of Macedonian Call Ministries, Family Camp.

We have close ties to the families who began this great ministry so we are a little bias, but deep friendships aside, this was a week that our family will not soon forget.

15 Years of friendships and 3 quivers full

After being contacted by one of the families to see if we were interested in being a part of the week, we were a little confused.  Usually this means packing up all the music gear, putting a band together, and making sure our kids are taken care of so that we can minister to the attendees.

But not this time!
This time we got the leave the instruments and guitar picks behind, actually I still saw a few floating around our living space, but our sole purpose for attending this camp was to be a family and grow spiritually together.

Instead of music gear, we had boys clothes EVERYWHERE!

It also happened to be at the college where Josh and I attended and we were able to drive around and show our kids where we fell in love, the place we had our first date (and basically stared at each other eating for an hour) and the area we made our first home together.

The site of our first date

I know my kids had a blast.  Here is the proof:

They lived off of the cafeteria pizza and Lucky Charms.  So much so, that Jude actually began calling the cafeteria, "The Lucky Charms", ha!

I could write so much about this wonderful week, but bullet points usually get us farther in a blog setting, so here it goes:

• We LOVED getting to have family worship experiences with our kids because usually Josh and I are on stage away from the questions of our kids.  We were enabled to have times to teach them how to hold still during a service and to listen to teaching which I think is VERY important.  We just haven't had many opportunities to be able to do this as a family.
• The camp allowed us to meet other families who are seeking the Lord and His leading for their families.
• Each family is assigned a "family assistant", but because of the size of our family we had two awesome young adults/teenagers who served and loved our family all week long.  Our family assistants, Noel and Jackson, became part of our family that week.  They took our kids (Jude) out if they were restless during the teaching, they helped lead the family devotion times, they cleaned up spills and stood in line for 30 minutes to get our kids ice cream (a huge thank you;), they helped us with group activities.  I enjoyed every minute of my time with them.  In fact, I still keep in contact with a handful of the staffer assistants from the camp and I believe we have forged some deep friendships that will last a lifetime! (we can't wait to see you Tammy and Noel!!!)
  
• The planned activities were family focused and were all intentionally planned to create talking opportunities and bonding within your own family unit.
• The family teaching as well as the parent teaching (when the kids went to their age-appropriate classes) was excellent.  Everything was based on God's definition of Biblical family and the importance of the family unit. 
• I loved that a service project was part of the week, giving our families a chance to love on other families in the community!  THAT, my friends, is the church.
• My favorite time was the prayer night.  The staff had set up the main gathering place with fancy tables and decorations and prepared desserts in a restaurant atmosphere.  Each family "checked in" with the hostess who showed us to our table and we got to enjoy our evening snacks.  This lead into a super special prayer time where the head of the household was able to go around and pray with each of the people in his family.  I might have cried a lot:-)

I really can't say enough positive things about our experience.

And I'm happy to say that we have a jar saving our pennies so that we can go again next year!

We'd love to see you there.

Check out the website and please contact me with any questions.

It is NEVER a waste of time and money to spend time with your family and learn how to move forward in your spiritual walks together.

We were all exhausted in the best possible way!

Not A Pity-Party Post - Sharpening Swords

The past few nights Josh and I have gone to bed completely spent and defeated.

Defeated by the constant bickering,
 the greed,
 the selfishness,
 the hurtful words,
 the disobedience,
 the defiance,
 the out-of-control emotions,
that seem to accompany the Colony kids as of late.

For some reason it feels as if these characteristics have reached an all-time high, and I'm feeling completely out of control.

We had some friends over last night for our Tuesday night meal-with-friends tradition as we build community with those around us.

Now I'm the first one to admit that we are NOT the perfect family.
Nor do I EVER want that expectation for our family.

We regularly just embrace the chaos and laugh through the parenting difficulties of the evening.

But last night I had to actually MAKE myself not cry through the entire evening.

After the last consequence for getting out of bed we closed up shop around the house and called it a night.  It wasn't even 10pm.

But there's something about sleep.

God created sleep/rest.
Something we need to remind us that we are NOT God.
We are mere mortals in a fallen world.

And when I woke up (after a sleep like I haven't had in a while) my eyes were opened.

We are not being defeated by our children's actions alone.
Our feelings of defeat are coming from the root of sin.
And we know who wins this war!
And I have my own battle gear to put on and fight the fight with my Heavenly Father.

So today I woke up feeling victorious.  I pulled up my big girl undies (we don't say the "p" word in this house, ha!) and my battle gear, ready to tackle the day's sins and shortcomings.

Sure, I still had to scold Jude for using inappropriate words, and talk Zeke down (force him to get his shoes on) from his fear of taking his math test today, remind Alethia to use her words through conflict, ask Cai to stop pushing everyone's buttons at the breakfast table and reiterate the fact that Rainy is NOT the mom of the house.

But I'm not doing it just to keep my head above water today as I hope for the best in order to make it through the day.  That's called survival. And I'm not it it just to survive.  I'm in it as an active participant to fight.

I'm in it to mold my kid's souls.
I'm in it to show Satan that he CANNOT have my family.
I'm in it to strengthen my own self-control.

I'm in it because these Colony kids are my greatest mission field.
They are my little arrows.
My little warriors.
And soon enough they will have to sharpen their own swords, and in turn sharpen the swords of the littles calling them mommy and daddy (or pastor, or neighbor, or coworker, or friend).

I am not defeated.

(P.S. I will need to be reminded of this during witching hour, between 4-6pm, when the homework is battle is in full effect, dinner is in full swing and the emotions are in gull gear.  Then again at dinner time.  And yet again tomorrow morning as I give it all over to the Lord again.)

Making It Her Own

We like to have people over for dinner.
There's just something about sharing a meal together.
It helps break down barriers and allows for intimate conversation that wouldn't happen otherwise.
A relationship can quickly move past surface small talk to friendship over a homemade salad, grilled corn, apple cinnamon ham and fried bananas.

So a few nights ago we were talking to some friends over dinner and they were asking about our kids and our faith and how we merge the two together.

More than anything we want our kids to see our Faith in Jesus Christ lived out consistently in every area of our lives, so that they will, in turn, begin to incorporate their own faith in Him into their own lives.

And this past week I think Areyna made leaps and bounds in that direction.

See, she isn't an academic whiz like her daddy.  Unfortunately she got her mama genes in the education department, ha!  (Hey, there's no shame here!)  We have to work hard for the understanding and retention of the knowledge we need to learn.  Fortunately Rainy is a very self-motivated, hard worker.  She has come SO FAR since we put her into the public school system in 2nd grade.  She began 5th grade right on track!

And then came long-hand division.
And it was wreaking havoc on her self-esteem and enjoyment in school.

We've been communicating with her teacher about her need for a little "boost" in this area and she has been meeting with her in the mornings before the other students get there. (We can't say enough good things about our kid's school!)  But she still wasn't understanding and remembering all the steps.

She was beyond frustrated, one particular morning, and left for school in tears.
So you can imagine my shock (and relief) when she walked into the door after school that day with a huge smile on my face.  She even said she had a "great day" and that she had to tell me "something awesome when daddy gets home".

I pulled the mom card and promised not to tell or text daddy ANYthing until she got to tell him, and she caved pretty quickly:)

Apparently on her walk to school she cried out to God.  The God her daddy and mommy always go to on sucky days, or when we are in the valley, or when we are SO grateful for a provision or specific wisdom.  But she didn't pray to our God.  She prayed to HER God.  Her personal heavenly father.  ABBA. El Roi.

She asked God to give her an understanding for long-hand division.
She asked God to help her remember the steps.
She asked God to hear her cry of desperation.

And he answered with a resounding "YES, sweet daughter"!

I can't even explain the joy this moment brought to my heart.

Not because of anything we've done, but because I was blessed enough to witness my daughter make a leap of faith in her God.  The God who counts our tears, listens to our cries, and answers every prayer for our own good.

That is how I want my kids to see our faith.