Recent Reads

You would have thought with 16 days of traveling, much of that sitting for hours on end in a car, that I would have come home with 10 books read. But the fact is, I didn't read one single page, I didn't even OPEN a book, during our car rides. Nope, not once. I did get a little reading done while we spent our time at the cabin or after a slow-er morning before getting on the road, but I probably only read about 20-30 pages total. All that to say, I have been reading a lot since we got home. While I wait for dinner to get out of the oven, or a load of laundry to finish, or on our slow sabbath morning. I was able to finish up 3 books that I had actually started BEFORE heading to Colorado and I wanted to write a quick review on them while they were fresh.

The first one is called Why Do I Do What I Don't Want To Do by Jonathan Pokluda. This definitely had Enemies Of The Heart (by Andy Stanley) vibes, which I read many many years ago but continues to be an all-time favorite of mine! It sorts "common temptations" we all experience into root categories. Taken from Evagrius Ponticus's (a 4th century monk) list which was later modified several centuries later by Thomas Aquinas, and further tweaking to form 5 distinct "classic sins or vices".  The author places them with their corresponding virtues. The biggest difference with this book and Enemies Of The Heart is that Pokluda goes a step further by including five additional "Modern Wars" that tend to be a common theme with what we struggle with in our day and age, although it really is nothing new.

One thing I hate about library books is that I can't underline in them and quickly thumb through to find the quotes that really caught my attention, so I don't have a bunch of favorite quotes, but I do highly recommend this read!

This next book...my gosh...I have all the words to say about this one. I think it would be better in a book club type setting where everyone has read the book and can process and discuss it together, but I'll do my best to keep it short. 

I first heard about this book around the dinner table with our small group ladies and was highly intrigued. It is a mix of psychology, statistics, trends, parenting and academia all in one. I think the authors did a fantastic job at being unbiased while just sharing facts, studies and data with just a little bit of opinion as experts in their field.

It was very eye opening. Much of the book I nodded my head in agreement. I appreciated the confirmation of many things I have thought to myself over the years but now have words for (and scientific data to back it up)! Yet some parts definitely stepped on my toes, but in the best kind of way.

The focal point of the book is academics and trends on college campuses, specifically the growing polarization and the three "bad ideas" (even though good-intended) that when are taught that get us there.  Over time one of the roots of these thinking patterns they focus on is parenting. The parenting section is the one that really spoke to me because...you know, I'm a parent.

I was surprised when he goes in great detail about an author and book I read YEARS ago when my kids were young called Free Range Kids by Skenazy. I tend to lean more toward this type of parenting, mainly because, with five kids, I simply canNOT hold onto everything and try to control every little thing. If not, the result tends to be crippling anxiety, mom-guilt, decision fatigue and overwhelm. We have to just let some things go! Although this has come with some setbacks for our family. My youngest went to the park behind our house with a big cooler of lemonade and was selling it to make a little bit of money. Someone called our small town cops and he was sent home and told he wasn't allowed to do that. Also, "where are your parents". He was 12 at the time and less than a mile from our house in a public park that he has grown up playing in and knowing the boundaries of since he was born. Another one of our sons has had the cops of our small town called on him no less than 3 times for innocent things like making a fort in the woods of this same public park through the trails. Literally people stop and call the police on kids for being kids. So even when we TRY to release them to be kids the system is set up to send them back home to stare at screens and play video games.

Another thing I appreciated about this book was the reiteration that we are a safer nation than we have been since the early 1960's, despite the doomsday newsreel looping all the negative, scary things. As an individual who was nearly kidnapped three separate times in my elementary aged years and lived to tell the stories, I should be terrified to let my kids roam around by themselves. But I'm just not. I trust that they are in God's hands, that we have trained them to be wise and independent and age-appropriately allowed the freedoms to risk and play independently. Now, I'm not saying I'm never fearful, but I DO have to check myself and remember that my fears and not my actual reality and I can't let them rule my life.

A few quotes from the chapter about the rising anxiety, depression and suicide rates among teens that caught my eye:

"Teens are physically safer than ever, yet they are more mentally vulnerable."

"Encouraging more people to use the language of therapy and mental illness are likely to have some negative effects, too. Applying labels to people can create what is called a looping effect: it can change the behavior of the person being labeled and become a self-fulfilling prophecy." "It becomes part of your identity." "Over time you'll develop corresponding schemas about yourself." "These schemas will make it harder for you to marshal the energy and focus to take on challenges that, if you were to master them, would weaken the grip of depression." Basically, your label becomes your excuse that it is just "who you are". You can't change and can't be held responsible.

I think this book would couple well with the book Un-offendable. Both books stress how important perspective is and the need for thinking the best of others and giving them the benefit of the doubt, not jumping to conclusions, or taking everything personally, not emotionally weighing into every "microaggresion" and being humble enough to listen.

During our entire adoption process you would be appalled to hear some of the questions and comments that came our way (some even directed to our kids) about it all. Put in the mix that our daughter was a black child coming from another culture and country into a white American family. I chose early on that I was going to try my absolute hardest to take it all with grace. People are curious. They are ignorant. They are opinionated. They lack sensitivity. And I have to remember that I myself can be that way too. So I had a choice, I could live offended every time someone made an off-color comment or asked an intrusive question...OR I could be polite and in some cases simply brush it off and keep walking or in other instances gently steer the conversation in a different direction. Even being firm sometimes was needed but I didn't have to be offended.

So I guess my book review became more about me than about the book, but it touched on a lot of pieces of my personal experiences. I HIGHLY recommend this book to everyone. It will absolutely step on your toes, but I believe every Parent, guardian, teacher, neighbor, American or not, can get something out of it.  It's a great read and maybe, just maybe, we can see each other as human beings and grant each other grace, even when we disagree with one another.  

The last book is just a fun, light read because clearly my brain needed a break.

Welcome Home by Myquillyn Smith. It is full of beautiful photos, decorating tips and a process to prepare your home through the different seasons. She is the Cozy Minimalist and The Nester. I always love hearing what she has to say.

Colony Mom Reads

 

Becoming Free Indeed was a beautiful book about the journey Jinger Duggar Vuolo went through as she sought to wade through the lies she had grown up believing. I love how she phrased it as a disentangling instead of a deconstruction of her faith. Deconstruction takes every piece apart, throws it away, clear down through the foundation, and seeks to build something new while disentangling is the slow process of sifting out the truth from the lies. Picking out the pieces that don't align with the Bible and who Jesus is while holding fast to the foundations of truth.

Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing by Matthew Perry...oh my heart, reading this after his death... This memoir is not for the faint of heart. It is gut-wrenchingly honest. He holds nothing back, even his wrestling with God. The way that he could talk about his past, while still completely owning up to and taking responsibility for his own choices, in spite of his disease and misfortunes in childhood, gosh, what a testimony to his character. He offered so much grace for everyone along the way, which can only come from someone who knows just how much grace and  mercy has been given to him.  I pray this book is truly a life-line for people like Matthew Perry. I pray people come away with a clear vision of God's grace and presence, even if the answers to so many prayers are a "no" or "hang on, not yet". Make sure you've got some tissues for this one, and plenty of time to process it afterwards.

Recent Reads

We are going to go from top to bottom in this stack.

1 - The Bible. Several years ago, when my first couple of kids were tiny, I saw someone write about this idea of reading through a Bible for each of their kids and then presenting it to them when they turn 18. I tucked the idea away for a few years and then dove in. Obviously I started with Rainy's first because she was going to turn 18 first. I found a pretty journaling Bible, a reading plan that would take me through the Bible in a year, and then began. I underlined things, I jotted down prayers in the margin's and wrote little notes all throughout about insights I'd have throughout the year with Rainy on my mind and in my prayers while reading the Word. After a couple of years I jumped into another one for Zeke. Same idea but different reading plan. Then on to Alethia's. Well, this past week I finished up Cai's. It is so interesting that you can read the same book over and over and in different ways and come away with new insights. And when you have a particular child in mind while reading it, the words come alive in a new way. In another year or two I'll get one for Jude and finish out the tradition.

2 - Pursue The Intentional Life by Jean Fleming. This was a sweet read. An older woman writing her journey of trying to capture her days, each and every one of them, and live her life towards eternity, while being intentional in today. Thank you Sarah for the borrow!

3 -  Mockingbird Summer by Lynda Rutledge. This story had my heart. It is set in the time period of counter sit ins in the 60's. I thought it gave really great perspective of this time period and some of the struggles during that transitional time. Highly recommend as a summer read to get totally lost in!

4 - The Winners by Fredrik Backman. Ya'll know I love Backman and his novels. Alethia knows that too and spotted this one in one of those book trading boxes at our park and snagged it up for me. This book didn't disappoint, but I have to say, it was a LOT of words. This book is by far the longest book I have EVER read! In fact, I got over 100 pages in and got caught up the Mockingbird Summer (and couldn't put that one down) that I had to skim back through the initial pages of the Winners again to get reacquainted with the multitude of characters. So many names! I almost gave it up but was determined to make it to the end. I'm not typically affected by cussing in books, but this one definitely topped the number of F* bombs in a book. Also, I wasn't a big fan of the ending...but it was good and I view it as a personal accomplishment to have read such a large book, lol.

5 - Counting The Cost by Jill Duggar. We've all heard of the Duggar family. Many of us watched those kids grow up. I personally had only seen a couple of the episodes, but we ALL heard about the scandal of the eldest brother and I encountered first-hand experiences growing up from the ripple effects from the IBLP movement and their teachings.  So when Shiny Happy People came out it reignited my interest. It's always interesting reading personal stories and reading their perspectives. I for sure recommend this one. This book is an excellent example of how much grace is needed in relationships. I really loved the ending on this one. I'm reading her sister's book right now so I'll let you know how that one is when I'm done.

March and April Book Reviews

 These book reviews are going to be short-ish and sweet. One, because there are quite a few of them to cover, and two, most of these are sensitive issues, and while I don't want to shy away from what I believe to be truth based on God's word, I have no desire for internet debates over these topics.

I've mentioned before, and I will mention again, not every book I read is a book I agree with 100%. In fact, there are some authors I completely DISagree with, but that doesn't mean that I can't learn from them and gain some helpful knowledge from their perspectives.

So, without further ado...

The Secular Creed by Rebecca McLaughlin is a book "engaging five contemporary claims". I appreciated her concise feedback and I believe she accurately covered the truth and the lies in each one. I would for sure give this to my kids to read to help us engage in conversation together as it will certainly bring thought-provoking questions that can lead us back to scripture (which is always the goal!). 

Try Softer by Aundi Kolber. Aundi is a licensed therapist. She couples her own life story and events with therapeutic practices and examples to help us stop white-knuckling through life. She gives us practical tools and language to help us offer ourselves and others grace in our life journey. While this book was very helpful, I'm going to give a gentle warning. This book was HARD for me to get through. I believe these kinds of books can work as a tool for your therapist to use as they work WITH you, but simply as a helpful read for someone, ESPECIALLY with trauma in their past, this book can be triggering. I wanted to read it and get as much out of it as I could, but I also felt the need to try to finish it as quickly as I could so I could give me emotions and brain a break. Maybe it's just me, so take it or leave it, but I would suggest at least reading this WITH someone to help you process what begins stirring inside.

Does the Bible Support Same-Sex Marriage? by Preston Sprinkle. Now some of you saw the author and have already labeled me a heretic simply because I'm posting about his book. But because of this, I probably read this book more critically than any other. Now, while I am very aware of the controversy around his name, I think Preston has used this book to make a solid case for Biblical marriage being exclusively between a man and a woman. The author dives into the top 21 conversations he finds himself having with others who believe otherwise. He sets up each conversation with the summary of a specific argument FOR same-sex marriage and AGAINST different-sex marriage. He follows each summary with what he appreciates or can see within that argument, and then finally he very humbly but honestly breaks down blindspots in the argument. I appreciate his tone and humility. This is another book I would love for my kids to read in order to bring conversation back to Josh and I with questions and personal investigation.

Habits of the Household by Justin Whitmel Earley. Ok, this was the lighter read of the bunch. (I needed one of those!) I'm all about being reminded of the importance of fighting for intentional "everyday family rhythms". The book is formatted to walk you through an average day beginning with the time when you wake up and ending with bedtime. Earley introduces us to his own family liturgies he has created and invites us to make up our own. Here are a couple of my favorite quotes:

"Our best parenting comes when we think less about being parents of children and more about being children of God."

"Communing, not consuming, is the household's center of gravity."

"Don Everts and the Barna Group found in their study of Christian households that the families who were 'spiritually vibrant' shared one amazing thing in common - they had loud tables." (We've certainly got the loud table part down, ha!)

"In the American story, limits are bad. They get in the way of our freedom, which means we need to get rid of all limits to be happy. But in the story of God, limits are the way to the good life, even the way to happiness."

Talking Back to Purity Culture by Rachel Joy Welcher. Ok, this one hit some nerves. I found this book equally eye-opening, irritating, angering and helpful. What I appreciated about the book was the glimpses into some of the hurt that was caused by this movement. I honestly cannot believe some of the things that were/are actually taught and said. Some things you can tell were out of well meaning and ignorance (not that it makes these things right, just offering perspective), but some things are literally ANTI-biblical and wrong. 

What I found to be most frustrating though, was the blanket statements that the author uses as support to her claim that it was all toxic and bad. And so the pendulum continues to swing wide. Josh and I have spoken about this topic a lot together. We were personally catching the birth of this movement in our late teens, with the wake of momentum hitting our younger siblings. We have friends that were very hurt by this movement, mostly by the ultra-strict, very legalistic parents and/or leaders. On the other hand, we also see so much good that came/comes from it as a response to the raging sexual atmosphere of our age. Did the movement miss the mark in some areas? Absolutely. Could there have a been a better way to teach some things? Without a doubt. Was there anything good that we could grab ahold of and even perhaps pass on to our own kids? For sure! Again, it was good for me to read this perspective. It was NOT all roses and it is right to call out the bad and to be reminded to always, ALWAYS be in constant conversation with our kids as we bring resources to them to "help". 

On a side note, another frustration to me was that I found several contradictions within, leading me to internally ask the author, "So which is it?" And many of the examples given in the book were based on what those individuals FELT like, versus what was actually taught to them.  All that said, I did find some good takeaways as well. 

The Courage to Stand by Russell Moore. I'd never read any of Moore's books but I appreciate his wisdom and insight into politics and cultural movements that I have followed over the years. This book walks through Elijah's life as an example for how the Lord provides for us when we feel at the end of ourselves and how God's strength is what gives us courage to stand. This book had me at the introduction.

A Search For Happiness

 

I found it a bit ironic that these two books are the ones I grabbed from my stash to read next. I usually have two going at a time. One I read after my morning quiet time that is typically more heady or soul-sifting and then one leisure read while I settle down for the night.

I'm going to be completely honest. I HATE giving bad reviews, but this book by Gretchen Rubin called The Happiness Project was not my favorite at all. In fact, the last 1/3 of the book became a skim-read as I just needed to get through it. I'm not sure if it is because of the fact that it was coupled with this other book I was reading or not, but I found it hard to reconcile a focus of finding this self-gratifying illusion of happiness. The whole preface of the book was to break the year into month-long resolutions to hopefully find more overall happiness. It was an interesting experiment and you can see the things that filled the author and the things that drained her. But with each new month's goals she would say the things that would "boost" happiness or not. But that is the whole thing about happiness. It is fleeting and circumstantial and often doesn't last from one moment to the next. Or from one experience too the next. It isn't rooted in anything else but feelings and self. And that is literally what our lives naturally gravitate toward anyway. BUT, the books purpose was satisfied through the documentation of her experiment so it did what the author set out to do. After it was all said and done she said she did feel happier after that year and I feel like her biggest contribution to her own happiness was learning self-control. The one take-away I had was the reminder to live a present life and try to settle into those little things that do bring happiness and joy.

On the other hand,  Jen Othman's, Enough About Me was a cry for us to wake up to the selfish culture we find ourselves currently settling into and building homes in. A call for us to see the lies that we are enough and that we can write our own destinies. We are training our emotional pallets to "eat a steady diet of the praise of others." But the truth is, "The truth of the gospel is meant to transform us. And if it does not, then we do not really believe. The gospel has something to say about how we spend our time, where we spend our money, the goals we pursue, the careers we seek, the hobbies we enjoy the food we eat-everything. The gospel says we are not our own."

"We must be intentional about where our hearts wander, because a wandering heart has disordered loves.  It naturally gravitates toward what is seen, what is instant what is gratifying right now." And "it seems that one area of self-control in my life leads to further self-control in the other areas. And when I go out-of-bounds in one place, I go out-of-bounds elsewhere."

Bonhoeffer said: "Discipleship therefore means a...funeral of our own independence." And this is not a popular message. But man is it something worth fighting for!

One more quote from the book, but actually a quote from D.A.Carson says:

"People do not drift toward Holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; we drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; we drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated."       Ouch!

This was an excellent book to recalibrate us and help us look up. 

January Book Reviews

For the past two Christmases I have created a system for an easy Christmas list. All year long as I'm listening to podcasts or reading other books, if there is a book mentioned that sounds even remotely intriguing I will find it on Amazon, stick it in my cart, and then move it to the "save for later" section,. This becomes my Christmas list at the end of the year. I ask for the cheapest, most marked up and used book available so that I can get as many books as possible. So by the time Christmas comes around and I open my 20-ish books I sometimes have no idea who I heard about the book from or why I thought it was interesting over the course of the previous year, but it's here now and I'm gonna read it!

My reading always ebbs and flows with life. This month found me sick for no less than a week, and also  the fact that we were coming off the holidays, so this gave me more chunks of time for reading so I'm actually on my 6th book this month! This is NOT typical but true none-the-less.

I already posted about my new-found love for Fredrik Backman on Instagram, but I decided to bring the other reviews over here so I could say a few words about each without taking over my instagram account all at once. Who knows, maybe I'll recap over here at the end of each month now!

First up, Drama Free, by Nedra Glover Tawwab. This was for sure a good read. Not biblically based by any means, but any book that helps communicate and practically implement boundaries I am ALL ABOUT!

I must begin with a caveat though. I hesitated publicly reviewing this book because I think it could be a trigger for people who are in the midst of uncovering some deep-seated familial dysfunction and I am a HUGE proponent of not doing that alone. Yes, searching yourself and digging deep into family trauma has become very trendy these days, but done without the grounding and root-system of Christ coupled with a trusted counselor or wise friend, I believe, can do so much more harm than good. And here is why I say that...we become so much more prone to believe our own story than truth.

Here's what I mean. Do you remember Brene Brown's famous phrase, "the story I'm telling myself" from her book Rising Strong? It basically helps to validate FEELINGS but places the feelings in their right place. Sometimes you can FEEL something, and while those feelings are valid, and should be validated, they may not actually be true. For example, I may FEEL like my friend no longer likes me because we never hang out anymore. So the story I am telling myself is that my friend doesn't like me. And that can spiral into my deep insecurities about feeling like I'm not needed, or important, or less than, or extra, or...you fill in the blank. So yes, I FEEL this way and those feelings are REAL. But the TRUTH is that my friend actually has a super overpacked schedule. She'd love to hang out but her to-do list is completely overwhelming and her unread messages are paralyzing and never even saw my text come in. Do you see where I am going with this?  Using this phrase has been instrumental for our family!

This book also didn't leave much room for the conversation to ever look inward to any personal things that might need to shift and change. Which would in turn help the family dynamics as a whole.

While reading this book I was reading it through several different lenses and perspectives. I thought it was super beneficial and helpful from one perspective, but because of the lack of leaving room for personal interpretation into history, pasts and family dynamics I felt like it could be a bit dangerous and lead to more finger pointing than reflection on independent choices and lifestyles.

That being said, Nedra Tawaab, being the queen of boundaries that she is, has written a fabulous book. So read with caution and an open mind to what the Lord might be saying to you through it.

This book felt so intimate and close. During our time in Uganda, Katie actually lived just down the street from us (no I don't know her but her first book was just getting popular so I'd heard of her) and I'd see her in town with some of her kids sometimes. Because her stories are rooted in Jinja, which is like another home to me and so familiar, I felt like I was reading words from an actual friend who I understood so deeply. Safe All Along is a beautiful story. Katie allows us glimpses into her life as she learns to loosen her grip of control and release it to her Heavenly Father. Even when life looks so different than expected.

"Control is our addiction."

"We make time for Jesus with such a full life because our peace depends on it. Our very lives depend on it."

"It's okay to be sad, it's okay to lament, but it's not okay to stay there forever."

"Our work will never end, and so we must learn to trust God with the things left undone."

Next up, The Life Council, by Laura Tremaine. The whole idea of this book is to look up and see the various people you are surrounded with. There are actually some helpful categories you could place these people in, not for label-sake, but to see the support system you have.

I liked this book but there were some things I just simply didn't agree with. She has a whole (firm) section about how your husband is NOT your best friend and CAN'T be your best friend. And I'm like, "You have 10 categories for 'best friends' and not one of them is allowed to be a slot for a husband?" Josh is absolutely my bestest of best friends. When we are good, I know everything will be alright. But I know Josh can't be my savior. But neither can ANY friend I see in any of these categories. My God is my steadfast anchor, my north star. My husband is my life-mate who knows every good and bad thing about me. And the other categories in this book are added bonuses when the Lord allows their spaces to be filled. 

But, that being said, I did appreciate this book. It was a catalyst to helping me see specific roles people play in my life. Quite honestly, just from listening to the podcast of this book before I had even received it, was enough for me to release some of the closest people in my life from the position I was trying to fit them into, a category that they weren't made to be in. It helped me "release" them to be who they are! Which made me see them as the friend for me they were really meant to be in this season.

Not all of my seats are filled. Actually, in this present moment, many of these seats are vacant, but I feel full with the people I have been surrounded with, even if I don't physically see some of them nearly as much as life permits.

So I do recommend, but don't feel guilty when you don't see all your life council seats filled in every season of your life. This isn't supposed to be a book that brings on a guilt trip. It is a great book about overall relationships.

"There is really only one important requirement in our friendships...presence."

"Deeming other people 'toxic' has become so common that we're now applying the term to people we disagree with or with whom we have a conflict."

Last, but certainly not least: A Non-Anxious Presence, by Mark Sayers. This book has been SO very refreshing! Over the past couple of years I have tried to be a "peaceful presence" when I come upon a tense or stressful scene. So this book is giving words to the very person I am trying to become in this very chaotic world we live in. The author is speaking to the current cultural moment we see ourselves in and is bold enough to say we aren't ever going back to the world we once knew. This "gray zone" we find ourselves in doesn't need a leader because of their "charisma, drive, intelligence, training or achievements", but rather a non-anxious presence that is grounded in God's peace.

"Our gray zone will not be a fleeting moment but rather an indefinite period of ongoing disruption and instability as the patterns that have defined the world for the last half-century are radically reshaped."

"A networked world lunges us into a new social situation in which 'identity is becoming the main, and sometimes the only, source of  meaning.'"

"screens disciple"

"To the emotionally immature everything becomes at best a slight, at worst a direct assault. Feelings become all-powerful and fragile all at the same time."

"Waiting for the Lord, seeking His voice, is an act of revolutionary stillness."

"In the shepherd we find a biblical model of leadership, a non-anxious presence, which is not dependent on reserves of personal power but on the presence of God-encountered in the wild places."