Not A Pity-Party Post - Sharpening Swords

The past few nights Josh and I have gone to bed completely spent and defeated.

Defeated by the constant bickering,
 the greed,
 the selfishness,
 the hurtful words,
 the disobedience,
 the defiance,
 the out-of-control emotions,
that seem to accompany the Colony kids as of late.

For some reason it feels as if these characteristics have reached an all-time high, and I'm feeling completely out of control.

We had some friends over last night for our Tuesday night meal-with-friends tradition as we build community with those around us.

Now I'm the first one to admit that we are NOT the perfect family.
Nor do I EVER want that expectation for our family.

We regularly just embrace the chaos and laugh through the parenting difficulties of the evening.

But last night I had to actually MAKE myself not cry through the entire evening.

After the last consequence for getting out of bed we closed up shop around the house and called it a night.  It wasn't even 10pm.

But there's something about sleep.

God created sleep/rest.
Something we need to remind us that we are NOT God.
We are mere mortals in a fallen world.

And when I woke up (after a sleep like I haven't had in a while) my eyes were opened.

We are not being defeated by our children's actions alone.
Our feelings of defeat are coming from the root of sin.
And we know who wins this war!
And I have my own battle gear to put on and fight the fight with my Heavenly Father.

So today I woke up feeling victorious.  I pulled up my big girl undies (we don't say the "p" word in this house, ha!) and my battle gear, ready to tackle the day's sins and shortcomings.

Sure, I still had to scold Jude for using inappropriate words, and talk Zeke down (force him to get his shoes on) from his fear of taking his math test today, remind Alethia to use her words through conflict, ask Cai to stop pushing everyone's buttons at the breakfast table and reiterate the fact that Rainy is NOT the mom of the house.

But I'm not doing it just to keep my head above water today as I hope for the best in order to make it through the day.  That's called survival. And I'm not it it just to survive.  I'm in it as an active participant to fight.

I'm in it to mold my kid's souls.
I'm in it to show Satan that he CANNOT have my family.
I'm in it to strengthen my own self-control.

I'm in it because these Colony kids are my greatest mission field.
They are my little arrows.
My little warriors.
And soon enough they will have to sharpen their own swords, and in turn sharpen the swords of the littles calling them mommy and daddy (or pastor, or neighbor, or coworker, or friend).

I am not defeated.

(P.S. I will need to be reminded of this during witching hour, between 4-6pm, when the homework is battle is in full effect, dinner is in full swing and the emotions are in gull gear.  Then again at dinner time.  And yet again tomorrow morning as I give it all over to the Lord again.)