You would have thought with 16 days of traveling, much of that sitting for hours on end in a car, that I would have come home with 10 books read. But the fact is, I didn't read one single page, I didn't even OPEN a book, during our car rides. Nope, not once. I did get a little reading done while we spent our time at the cabin or after a slow-er morning before getting on the road, but I probably only read about 20-30 pages total. All that to say, I have been reading a lot since we got home. While I wait for dinner to get out of the oven, or a load of laundry to finish, or on our slow sabbath morning. I was able to finish up 3 books that I had actually started BEFORE heading to Colorado and I wanted to write a quick review on them while they were fresh.
The first one is called Why Do I Do What I Don't Want To Do by Jonathan Pokluda. This definitely had Enemies Of The Heart (by Andy Stanley) vibes, which I read many many years ago but continues to be an all-time favorite of mine! It sorts "common temptations" we all experience into root categories. Taken from Evagrius Ponticus's (a 4th century monk) list which was later modified several centuries later by Thomas Aquinas, and further tweaking to form 5 distinct "classic sins or vices". The author places them with their corresponding virtues. The biggest difference with this book and Enemies Of The Heart is that Pokluda goes a step further by including five additional "Modern Wars" that tend to be a common theme with what we struggle with in our day and age, although it really is nothing new.
One thing I hate about library books is that I can't underline in them and quickly thumb through to find the quotes that really caught my attention, so I don't have a bunch of favorite quotes, but I do highly recommend this read!
This next book...my gosh...I have all the words to say about this one. I think it would be better in a book club type setting where everyone has read the book and can process and discuss it together, but I'll do my best to keep it short.
It was very eye opening. Much of the book I nodded my head in agreement. I appreciated the confirmation of many things I have thought to myself over the years but now have words for (and scientific data to back it up)! Yet some parts definitely stepped on my toes, but in the best kind of way.
The focal point of the book is academics and trends on college campuses, specifically the growing polarization and the three "bad ideas" (even though good-intended) that when are taught that get us there. Over time one of the roots of these thinking patterns they focus on is parenting. The parenting section is the one that really spoke to me because...you know, I'm a parent.
I was surprised when he goes in great detail about an author and book I read YEARS ago when my kids were young called Free Range Kids by Skenazy. I tend to lean more toward this type of parenting, mainly because, with five kids, I simply canNOT hold onto everything and try to control every little thing. If not, the result tends to be crippling anxiety, mom-guilt, decision fatigue and overwhelm. We have to just let some things go! Although this has come with some setbacks for our family. My youngest went to the park behind our house with a big cooler of lemonade and was selling it to make a little bit of money. Someone called our small town cops and he was sent home and told he wasn't allowed to do that. Also, "where are your parents". He was 12 at the time and less than a mile from our house in a public park that he has grown up playing in and knowing the boundaries of since he was born. Another one of our sons has had the cops of our small town called on him no less than 3 times for innocent things like making a fort in the woods of this same public park through the trails. Literally people stop and call the police on kids for being kids. So even when we TRY to release them to be kids the system is set up to send them back home to stare at screens and play video games.
Another thing I appreciated about this book was the reiteration that we are a safer nation than we have been since the early 1960's, despite the doomsday newsreel looping all the negative, scary things. As an individual who was nearly kidnapped three separate times in my elementary aged years and lived to tell the stories, I should be terrified to let my kids roam around by themselves. But I'm just not. I trust that they are in God's hands, that we have trained them to be wise and independent and age-appropriately allowed the freedoms to risk and play independently. Now, I'm not saying I'm never fearful, but I DO have to check myself and remember that my fears and not my actual reality and I can't let them rule my life.
A few quotes from the chapter about the rising anxiety, depression and suicide rates among teens that caught my eye:
"Teens are physically safer than ever, yet they are more mentally vulnerable."
"Encouraging more people to use the language of therapy and mental illness are likely to have some negative effects, too. Applying labels to people can create what is called a looping effect: it can change the behavior of the person being labeled and become a self-fulfilling prophecy." "It becomes part of your identity." "Over time you'll develop corresponding schemas about yourself." "These schemas will make it harder for you to marshal the energy and focus to take on challenges that, if you were to master them, would weaken the grip of depression." Basically, your label becomes your excuse that it is just "who you are". You can't change and can't be held responsible.
I think this book would couple well with the book Un-offendable. Both books stress how important perspective is and the need for thinking the best of others and giving them the benefit of the doubt, not jumping to conclusions, or taking everything personally, not emotionally weighing into every "microaggresion" and being humble enough to listen.
During our entire adoption process you would be appalled to hear some of the questions and comments that came our way (some even directed to our kids) about it all. Put in the mix that our daughter was a black child coming from another culture and country into a white American family. I chose early on that I was going to try my absolute hardest to take it all with grace. People are curious. They are ignorant. They are opinionated. They lack sensitivity. And I have to remember that I myself can be that way too. So I had a choice, I could live offended every time someone made an off-color comment or asked an intrusive question...OR I could be polite and in some cases simply brush it off and keep walking or in other instances gently steer the conversation in a different direction. Even being firm sometimes was needed but I didn't have to be offended.
So I guess my book review became more about me than about the book, but it touched on a lot of pieces of my personal experiences. I HIGHLY recommend this book to everyone. It will absolutely step on your toes, but I believe every Parent, guardian, teacher, neighbor, American or not, can get something out of it. It's a great read and maybe, just maybe, we can see each other as human beings and grant each other grace, even when we disagree with one another.
The last book is just a fun, light read because clearly my brain needed a break.
Welcome Home by Myquillyn Smith. It is full of beautiful photos, decorating tips and a process to prepare your home through the different seasons. She is the Cozy Minimalist and The Nester. I always love hearing what she has to say.
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