Man Down

Josh has a ministry gig in VA this week with his Dad.  When he mentioned that he wanted to take Jude with him I immediately began bawling my eyes out and then very persistently told him, "No, you can't take my baby!"

...

Well actually, that's not the whole truth...

I actually had to literally keep myself from doing a happy dance and rejoicing at the thought of a quiet day, while the other 4 kids are at school!  Not because I don't love my sweet boy to pieces, but man is he exhausting!  In fact, yesterday I kept catching myself looking for things around the house to pick up so Jude wouldn't get into them, or listening for him to see if he was getting into the refrigerator or pantry again, or sneaking into my closet to get gum out of my pocket book, or playing with soap in the bathroom, or eating my contacts again.

*sigh*

This morning I only had 4 mouths to feed and the noise level was significantly lower without Jude making up songs to yell sing about "cookie balls" and "humus and carrots".

As the kids were piling in the car to go to school Cai came up to me very concerned about my emotional stability since I will be alone all day by myself.

{insert another painfully contained happy dance}

I very tenderly explained that mommies don't mind being by themselves every once in awhile:)

So here I am, sitting in my quiet house.

My Bible open, music playing loud, and the only thing on my lap is my computer as I write...wait for it...a BLOG POST!

And it's not even about anything in particular...just a jumble of words freely written in the quiet of my home.

This quiet is only good for so long before I begin hearing my absent kid's voices echo through empty hallways, but right now in this moment it is just what my soul needs.

Quiet.
Still.
No agenda.
No projects (which I have a very long list of, BTW).

Just me and my God and the quiet.

And since I have lots of time over the next 48 hours, what can I lift up to the Lord for you?  What burden are you carrying?  What do you need prayer for that you simply have no more words left to pray?

I feel like I'm in that place a lot.  The place where life overwhelms and words fall short and my heart is heavy.  But not today.  Today I have words, and the quiet place to form them.

When I'm in that place, this verse is my lifeline

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. 

For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, 

but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

Romans 8:26