In The Sickness. In The Waiting. In The Stillness of the House.

We've been passing something around our family because we like to share, even if it's germs. And as much as I HATE seeing my family sick, and as much as I hate being sick myself (I'm not trying to sound like this has been fun and I'm just sitting here counting my blessings through it all, lol) we've had a lot of time to just sit and be. Sickness does that to you. It demands that you come face-to-face with your limits. To acknowledge that you really don't have as much control as you wish you had. It insists on making life stop (at least your own life) and on bringing to light the things that really matter. And often times the things that just don't. 

It's good to be reminded of these things. 

It brings a healthy sense of perspective.

I'm on day five of whatever this is. The first two days there wasn't much reflecting. Just sleeping. Lots of sleeping. And then I started coming back to life. Slowly. Ever so slowly. I still don't have any energy to do much of anything "productive" or do I?

As I sat in some solitude before the changing of the year I looked back over the past year as I always do. Reflecting on the things that worked, some things that didn't, and used my memories, like a viewfinder, highlighting the highs and lows of the year. One question I ask during this process is, "What fills me up?". And my answer came quicker than normal this year. I love to write. Most of the time it's just in my journal and actually, even that has been scarce over the past couple of years. I want to get back to this blog. To writing my days, my thoughts, my questions, our moments. 

So over the past couple of days, as I've sat here in the sickness, in the waiting, in the stillness of the house (that is finally starting to come back to life) I have caught back up on the memories of our lives. Mostly just in pictures simply to get me caught up, so words can start flowing again. If not for anyone else, for me. And I'm ok with that.

I know, I have Instagram, but there is something about feeling as though I'm a competing voice in the masses over there. Here I can just be me. You can come and go as you please, or not even come at all, but I can be here and show up in my little corner of the internet with no strings attached.

When I first began the blog, oh back in 2007!!!!, I had 2 littles, we traveled full-time as musicians, I posted about cloth diapering, couponing, product reviews and life as a young mom in the trenches. I can't even believe how much time I spent on here. Our lives look so very different now. We have a house full of teenagers that stay up 3 hours after Josh and I have gone to bed, eat all the food from my grocery run as I'm literally unloading it out of the bags and we have been faithful in our ministry for the past 14 years. The Lord has taught us so much. We have been through a heck-of-a-lot in our ministry, marriage, parenting, faith, relationships, health...but one thing remains. God and his faithfulness through it all. 

So welcome to the unpolished, no-agenda meanderings of my current life.

Life Long Learning: A Helpful Resource In Educating During This Crisis

Everyone is talking about homeschooling right now.  With the entire education system shut down, many families are left scrambling to find out how to continue educating their children.

I'm not going to give you the long version of our schooling journey, but I WILL tell you where we are now.  This current year we have been homeschooling our High Schooler (I can't even believe I have one of those, ha!) and our Middle Schooler.  The other 3 kids have been going to our year-round elementary school.  We LOVE it there and I am proud to call their teachers my friends.  They have been so kind and love the kids right where they are.  They have flexible and creative atmospheres that have been so good for my kids.  I can't say enough about their special resources department who helped us tremendously through some very difficult years with one of our kiddos dealing with severe anxiety.  We are even the proud parents of the first official "runner". No, not around the track on the playground, but away from school, lol. The teachers were bringing tennis shoes to school every day in case my boy's anxiety got the best of him and took off. I'm telling you, gold stars are needed for ALL of them!

Then the virus happened and the schools shut down.  We were already on track out (which means a 3 week break between quarters).  We were supposed to begin our last quarter on April 1. And then, after this last quarter these 3 kids would be joining us here at home.

Our family educational philosophy is to take it year-by-year and child-by-child.  We believe each child learns differently.  I think we can all attest to that!

My HS daughter loves to make lists check them off and correct her work along the way because she wants to get it right.  She's very self-motivated, even in fields that are not her favorite.

Our MS is the one I will speak most about because he is the one that has sent me on a mission to figure out how to help him captivate a love for learning and maybe even how to open up doors he didn't even knew existed.  Retaining factual information is very difficult and his processing is extremely inconsistent and hard (for me) to follow.  It takes everything I have to sit quietly while he problem solves because it makes NO SENSE to me! But it doesn't have to make sense to ME. I don't have to dictate HOW he got to the answers, just that he can figure out how to get there.

Anyway, I have been delving more and more into the idea that life can be such an excellent teacher and for our MS kid this is going to be the secret to his schooling/education/learning.  But I wanted to know just how that worked and how in the world to even get started.

So naturally I asked my brother-in law and sister-in-law what their most helpful unschooling resources were because they have been on this journey a long time with their family and are thriving!  She mentioned a handful of books so I dove into a couple of them.  Statistically speaking, the first one was very informative but I didn't really line up with the whole thing and it wasn't giving me what I was looking for.  The second one was written absolutely beautifully and it resonated in the part of my soul that loves the simple life on a farm and the freedom that life can bring, but it still wasn't what I was looking for.

But let me tell you what has been the most beneficial resource in this search...It is a course that my BIL and SIL put together specifically for this!  It explains what unschooling really is (and most helpfully what it is NOT. BTW  it’s not NOT learning, but rather child directed learning and then dives into practical every day scenarios.  It opened up my eyes to just how much my kids are learning, even when we are in vacation mode and not having designated "school time". The course also gives their personal experiences and even some things they have had to learn and unlearn along the way.

Maybe you are going to land somewhere in the middle like us and find a hodgepodge of ways to reach each of our kids.  That's the point though, meet each child where they are!

I know this was kind of lengthy, but I know many of you are desperate to figure out what is going to work for your family during this crazy season, and this really might be exactly what you are looking for.  So, click THIS LINK to sign up for their course (if you do it before March 31 you can snag the early bird rate), grab a cup of tea a journal and maybe even your kids!  Breathe a deep breathe and rest assured that learning is literally around every corner. We don't have to be fearful that our kids are going to fall behind right now.  The entire world is literally on hold so you can just release that expectation and remind yourself that this is going to be a graceful falling forward season.

***The social media algorithm bots have currently shut down any links to their social media page so they are asking you to sign up for their email list and subscribe to their blog for updates and useful information until they get that sorted out with the actual humans that run the sites.***

Lean Into Hope. Pray. Rejoice In The Wins. Repeat.

I was reminded today of just how SPECIAL of a job it is to raise these kids that God has entrusted to us.  Man, every day I am made aware of how imperfectly I am doing it, but God's grace carries us through, amen?!

I was hustling around the house this morning trying to get life back in order after a great weekend.  Our home had a revolving door of ins and outs as different people came and went.  We shared meals, had lots of play time with the kids, welcomed a couple new families into our life/small/MC/house church group (Oh the titles we give these things, ha!).  Just the way we like it!  I even had the laziest Saturday EVER as I sat by butt in front of my fire pit outside all day, only getting up to prepare and monitor meals when the kids couldn't hold out on food any longer...oh, and to keep the fire going.  For a moment I thought about running inside to grab a book but quickly decided against it since that would require me getting up out of my blanket bundled around me in my favorite fire pit spot.  I know, my life is so tough, ha!

White space in life.  One of my favorite things.  It allows for moments to be still and also opens up opportunities for people interruptions, which in my opinion are the best of life's interruptions.

Anyway, as I was picking up around the house and placing things back in their appropriate place (because we all know that kitchen utensils don't belong in the Barbie house and Superhero costumes shouldn't be mixed in with the dog food) I saw something that made me freeze in my tracks.

My oldest daughter, just a couple of months away from turning 13, had her Bible open on her desk, with her journal and highlighter ready to go.

We are about to enter into uncharted territory as our kids begin making more and more choices on their own as they get older.  There is nothing we can do to stop it, nor should there be, but it is sometimes going to be uncomfortable to loosen the reins I'm afraid.

But what a privilege.

I think we are so often told to "hope for the best but expect the worse" in so many situations, especially through the teenage years.  I know for sure that this was reiterated to us by so many people throughout our adoption.  And sometimes that mindset is absolutely necessary for expectation's sake.

But as we enter this new season I am reminded just how much of this HOPE is found in Jesus.  I know it sounds so cliche, but is it not the truth?

I don't for a second believe that we will get through all five kids' teenage years unscathed from heartache and sinful choices or think it is going to be easy. We aren't naive.  On the contrary!  I was "one of those kids".  My poor, poor parents.  But we have talked so much about those years together and none of us would trade them for the world because those years, though full of tears and pain, have made EACH OF US who we are today because of the HOPE we share in Christ!

So what does that look like for Josh and I?

We pray for their hearts.
We pray for OUR hearts.

We pray for their choices.
We pray for our responses.

We pray for God to keep them close.
We pray for their will to keep Him close.

We will continue to stay surrounded with godly friends who are a few steps ahead of us and allow us see their wins and loses up close and personal as we take vigorous notes and pray along with them.

And then we will rejoice in the WINS along the way,  like seeing our oldest daughter reading the Word of God all on her own that day.  There may be seasons where that desire is not so strong, but today,  today she is seeking Him and staying close.

Lean into HOPE.
Pray.
Rejoice in the WINS.
Repeat.

Holy Week 2017

Can you believe we have been celebrating Holy Week with this growing Colony since 2009!

Each year has looked a little different.

This year we did quite a bit of journaling.

Actually, journaling has become a regular part of our family devotions over the past couple of years.

Josh will read a scripture and then give them something to journal, 

draw or create to depict what we discuss.

I don't remember exactly what Jude said this was, but I think it is the Lord's supper

Alethia found some "Palm branches" in the backyard for our triumphal entry reenactment

Rainy volunteered to be the donkey for Zeke who was Jesus.
Sometimes it seems silly the older and older they get, but hey, they are still into it, and we always have fun memories,
and it is a visual they don't soon forget, ha!

We read about the Lord's supper and its significance

We dyed Easter eggs while talking about the burial, resurrection, new life and baptism.

Tonight we packaged up the eggs into little baskets with candy
and invite cards to pass out to a neighborhood across the street to invite them to our church Easter service.
This also enabled us to put faces and names together with some new people.
I LOVE to see how excited the kids get to knock on the doors and talk to people.

Foot washing has always been a Holy Week favorite for us.

This photo is one of my favorites because,
I mean, just look at Jude's face,
but also Zeke, our germaphobe, washing the most disgusting pair of feet in the house.
It was a humble sacrifice he volunteered for all on his own.

We had some other things planned but sometimes the best way to remember Holy Week is to carve out time to just Be Still.  And that is exactly what we did this weekend.

"And though they found in him no guilt worthy of death, they asked Pilot to have him executed,

and when they had carried out all that was written of him, they took him down from the tree,

and laid him in the tomb, but God raised him from the dead, and he appeared to those who had gone up with him from Galilee to Jerusalem, who are now his witnesses to the people, 

and we bring you the good news, that what God promised to the fathers, 

this he has fulfilled in us, their children, by raising Jesus..."

Acts 13:28-33

Happy Resurrection Day!

Taking Off The Floaty

Josh and Rainy at the intro night for student ministry at church

I have written and rewritten a half dozen posts over the past month but can't bring myself to complete a single one.  I feel like I'm so far behind on capturing our lives (the main reason I began blogging in the first place), but more so, I feel this new tension rising as my kids get older.

My life no longer consists of sharing tired ramblings after a long night with a fussy newborn, or reviews on the best spill-proof sippy cups.  My kids, minus Jude, pretty much speak like maturing little people with words flowing in the appropriate order (although, if I could get Cai to keep his two front teeth from growing in, we might be able to hang on to his cute little lisp for a little bit longer), and parenting is taking that deep dive from the shallow waters of physical exhaustion of the little years to the mental exhaustion of preteen and adolescent years.  I've still got my foot firmly planted in both, but the weight is increasingly leaning into the deeper side.

And because of that, I can no longer "just write" about my life as a mom and how I'm trying to learn how to thrive instead of just survive these little years.  The words that fill my journal these days are saturated by these little lives that are beginning to form their own identities and the trials they are facing as they grow up and learn to step out of fear and into the steady hand that promises to guide them.

And that isn't MY story to share.

It's hard for me to be vague.
I like to just say it how it is.
But I'm having to show great restraint in order to protect these little lives God has placed in mine, and respect their wishes for privacy.

My prayer is that they will learn to work out their faith, labor through their love and cling to the hope that gives endurance (1 Thessalonians 1:3), and those are things that I CAN write about.

I'm hoping I can figure out how to continue to be an encouragement to other moms in similar seasons but still keep my integrity as a trustworthy mom who doesn't share THEIR story unless I'm given the green light.

Here's to a new season of blogging, parenting and swimming in the deep end without a floaty.

Acknowledging the Label While Allowing God to Write the Definition

We have been on a long road with our Zeke.

I believe with all my heart that the Lord has called him to greatness for the Kingdom.
I believe that God's plan for Zeke's life is HUGE.
I believe that Satan has, can and will try to derail him any chance he gets as a result of this.
I believe that Zeke was fearfully and wonderfully made in His image, just like every other member of our family.

We have a Zeke journal that we have kept since he was two years old.
This journal documents ways that the Lord has spoken through Zeke and directly to Zeke.
There are things in that journal that can only be explained by God.

There is somethings special about that boy.

He is a very complex little human.
He feels deeply.
He grieves greatly.
He excites dramatically.
He hurts in such a big way that he has to act on it, whether it is on someone else's behalf or for himself.

I have written so much about our journey with Zeke as we have helped him thrive in spite of his anxiety, ADHD and multiple other learning issues, but some recent conversations with some friends have led me to write my take on why labeling our children can be used toward our advantage.

When we first realized that Zeke was battling something we began taking notes (hence our journaling).  We noticed things that were different than his sister.  We noticed how they were different that other little ones his age.  We just began to try to keep a record of it.  Our goal wasn't to try to label him right away, it was to see if there was truly anything worth "figuring out".

The more children we added to the Colony, the more we realized just how different things really were.  His emotions were hightened. His education was dragging. His impulses were many times out of his control.

We were confronted on more than one occasion about his behavior and were advised to get him checked out.

Now, I could have been easily offended by these "accusations" about having a "special needs" child.  I mean, who wants someone to tell them that something is "wrong" with their child?  Who wants to be told that they may be missing something as their parent?  Who wants to put a label on their kid?

But for some reason the Lord softened our hearts to this information.
After all, we had a choice...
get offended and deny that there could actually be some weight to the words spoken
OR
weigh the words and see if there could be any truth to the observations and if so, look into the suggestions given.

We ended up going to a psychologist just to get a professional opinion.  She is WONDERFUL!  She actually told us she hates using the word "labeled" because of the negative connotations,  but did, in fact, label him with ADHD, Anxiety, several types of Dyslexia and a Processing Disorder.  There were some other underlying things as well, but we left those sessions with a good idea of how to help him.

To me this information has been CRUCIAL to my parenting and patience with him AND my other children.

Fortunately for Zeke, he has a mama who fights the anxiety fight on a daily basis, so we have our own form of communication.  We both KNOW what it is like.  He (and ALL my kids for that matter) is so sensitive to me on those days where my anxiety is through the roof because we communicate openly in our home about what it is, how it makes us feel, and what we need from others around us to help get us through it.

There is a lot of grace, love, patience and forgiveness in this house.

The label allows us to see the "issues" for what they are, and then gives us all more realistic expectations for the way life needs to be.

For example:

As a family with a child with learning issues, we have to praise good reports often.  Even the tiny little progresses so he doesn't feel left out with a family full of academically different children.

We typically don't do Sunday evening activities because the kids are normally up anywhere between 5:30 and 6am for rehearsal call time and are exhausted by the time the 3 service lets out.  Zeke gets mentally exhausted before he gets physically exhausted which can lead to some major meltdowns if we have a busy afternoon or evening.  And that almost always runs over into Monday morning battles to get to school and then continues on throughout the day.

It means that sleep is VERY important.
Diet is crucial.
Routine is mandatory.
And consistency is not an option.

Just like we have a different way of working through issues with our adopted daughter because of her past, we have a different way of working through issues with each of our other children because of their make-up, tendencies, and stages of life.

My point is, don't be afraid of getting your children checked out.  If it's nothing it's nothing, no harm done.  If it is something, then my goodness, aren't you glad you KNOW what that something is?

Now I KNOW why we did the same lessons in homeschool for nearly 3 years with Zeke and were getting nowhere.
I KNOW why he freaks out when the teachers in his class are different, or the classroom atmosphere keeps changing, or we only go to 1 service this week and not 3 like normal.
I KNOW why he has a hard time focusing, and why he tugs at his shirt in nervousness, and needs to start saying his goodbye's before we even enter the carpool line in the morning.

The label gives a foundation to the behavior and allows for us to find the ways to help them get through it or thrive in it!

My only advice is...don't allow those labels to define who they are.

Yes I have "anxiety", but that anxiety is NOT who I am.  I am a child of God, fighting to take every thought captive and rest in His peace and consistency.

Yes Alethia was "adopted", but the fact that she was adopted does NOT define who she is.  She is a child of God, a forever member of the Via Colony, who may always be fearful of goodbyes and being left alone, but will never be abandoned again.

Yes Jude is a strong-willed little boy, but his strong will is NOT who he is.  He is a child of God, created to lead and be persistent (oh God, the persistence you have given that boy BETTER be used for good one day!).

We all have words that can label us.

Use the label as a platform to understand, and then allow the Lord to define those rough edges into something beautiful.

No More To-Do Lists

I love lists.

Wait, let me rephrase that.

I LOVE lists.

I mean, LOVE them, LOVE them.

Marking a colorfully coordinated wavy line through a completed task on a cute magnetic pad of paper is one of the most rewarding things to me.

But even before the satisfaction of marking off a done, to-do, I would go as far as to say that I actually enjoy MAKING lists.

The feeling of control.
The feeling of organization.
The feeling of having a plan.
The reassurance of having everything written down, when in case my brain gives way again.

But recently I have decided that I am no longer going to make to-do lists.

*gasp*

I know, I know, you are thinking that there may be something wrong with me, and there may be, but I was realizing that my to-do lists were beginning to dictate my attitude and outlook of the entire day.

Because if it was written down it HAD to get done.
(can I get an amen?!)
No matter what the cost.
No matter what the attitude
or spirit-led "interruption" that I would miss out on
or how unrealistic the long list might be
or how much I would need to ignore my kids or rush them around, nagging them to hurry up...
(because nothing brings me closer to losing my salvation than slow children when I am on a mission)

I have a habit (a good one, I might add) of making my to-do list for the day first thing in the morning.
Before I sit down to have my time with the Lord I sit down with my journal and jot down the things that need to get done.
It is a way to mentally empty out my day onto paper before giving my day to the Lord.
It helps to get all those distractions out so I can meditate and focus on the One I am being quiet with.

I felt like this helped me give those to-do's up to God, but internally I was still holding on to my to-do's and asking God to partake in MY idea of how my day should go.

One morning, though, I was making my list and unintentionally replaced my typical "Today's to-do list:" with "Today I would like to do:"

That's when I realized that I had finally figured out how in the world to give my to-do's up to God.

I had an idea of the things that I felt were priorities for my day, but by changing the header on my to-do to "I'd LIKE to" I was in essence giving up that list to the conductor of my life to orchestrate the notes in my day that add to the symphony of my life.

It's been amazing how freeing this has made my entire day feel, no longer being a slave to the things I need to get done.

I am more motivated to get something checked off when I can, but less stressed out if it just doesn't happen that day.
I am more prone to stop what I'm doing to play a few rounds of hide-and-seek with the Colony or see an interruption for what it really is.
I work more efficiently when I am able to indulge in a task.
I've even read the entire Hunger Games series, because I have more margin in my days.

Now, just because you relinquish your to-do list to God doesn't mean every day is going to go smoothly and you'll never feel rushed or anxious because something needs to get done, that's just unrealistic, but it does help prioritize and bring fresh perspective every morning...and maybe it'll also help you realize that you can go another day without reorganizing the toys into their appropriate bins or color-coding the pantry (not that those things have EVER taken precedence for me;).

I Dare You

A couple of months ago I was sharing what my daily quiet time looked like and I mentioned that I like to have a book going for each main area in my life.  I also mentioned that I was reading a book on marriage that was a secret.

Well, the secret is out and I believe it will have lifelong impact on our marriage if I will allow it to.

I didn't really feel as though my marriage was falling apart or anything, but there is always room for improvement, (BTW-if you feel as though your marriage is fine and not in need of any improvement then you NEED to do this dare), and I'd heard some really good things about "The Love Dare" taken from the movie "Fireproof".

To be quite honest, I kind of made fun of the whole concept and dare, but I also thought, "Hey, why not? It'll be fun!"

So I went on Amazon, found the book for $1 and dove in, without Josh knowing.  I wanted to do it under the radar to just to see what would happen:)

I also kept a journal of the daily dares, how I implemented and carried it out, Josh's reaction, and lessons I learned along the way.

Yesterday I presented him with the little blue book.  It was really sweet to see his reaction as he skimmed through its content.

It took me 4 months to go through the 40 day challenge because some of the challenges couldn't be done immediately.  Some days seemed inapplicable to our personal circumstances, but I found a way to make it work.  I kept each dare simple and from the heart.

I DARE YOU to go get a copy and go through it.  Find ways to knock the socks off of your spouse.  You'll be surprised at how quickly selfishness and pride can get in the way of the blessings and simple sacrifices you could be offering instead!

So Much To Say - Part 2

A couple of months ago, am I really just now getting to these, a couple of you asked about some things you would like to hear about on the 'ol blog.

Anonymous asked:

"I'd love a sneak peek into what your quiet times look like from day to day. What's helped you guard being in the word while being busy with little people? :)"

TIME
First of all, I've found MY time.  That time in my day that is uninterrupted and easier to focus than any other time in the day.  And for me, that time is between 6am and 6:30am.  I have to wake up anywhere in between those times if I want to have enough time to quiet my heart and not feel rushed.

Some of you may be thinking, "but that's when my kids get up!", and to that I would say, "Well, that's another post for another day", ha!

So, if early in the morning doesn't work for you, then find a time that DOES work, and work on making it consistently work into your day.

PREPARATION
A couple of years ago my spiritual focus was on prayer.  Man did I learn a lot that year about the attitude of the heart and the motivation of my prayers.  Anyway, I read this little prayer in one of the books I was going through and fell in love with the words.  I often pray this prayer as I get started.  It helps set the tone of my time with the Lord as I try to shut off the to-do lists already reeling in the back of my mind.

Now, the next thing I'm gonna mention is kind of silly, but two things that I LOVE to have during my quiet time is COFFEE and MUSIC.  Coffee wakes my mind up and some quiet instrumental or worship music in the background just adds to the heart preparation:)

STUDY
I'm a huge fan of YouVersion.  I downloaded the FREE app on my phone.  It has daily devotionals, all sorts of different reading plans, the Bible in multiple translations and so much more!

One year I found a reading plan to read through the Bible in a year, so sometimes I have a long-term focus as opposed to a shorter study.

I like studies through specific sections of the Bible.  One that I just completed a couple of months ago was called "Radically Obedient".  This study spoke directly to my heart!  As a matter of fact, the author, whom I can now call "friend", gifted me a copy of her newest devotional called "You Belong To The Bridegroom" which I am thrilled to get started as soon as I finish my current study!  These studies are excellently written.  Aliene has a way of gently guiding you as you sift through the Scripture.  She sets up each week in a way that dives deep into the Word, but not in an overwhelming way.  I highly recommend devotions like this!

Currently I am going through a reading plan which allows me to complete Psalms and Proverbs in 30 days.  I am also finishing up the "Unglued" Bible devotional by Lysa TerKeurst.  I'm a HUGE fan of Lysa and all that I've read from her as well!

JOURNAL
I'm a huge advocate for a prayer journal.  A lot of times I begin by just writing out the things that I'm afraid I'm going to forget to do, since that is a huge distraction for me.  Having it all written down in one place frees me up to temporarily set it aside.  Then I get into praying.  Sometimes I don't even write full sentences, I'll write a name or a short request since my mind travels faster than my pen a lot of times.  I love that God knows my heart and the things I want to tell Him before it even comes out!

BOOKS
Additional books are an extra.  Since my time gets cut short by kids throwing up before school, or with lunch packing that I procrastinated on, I don't always have the time to just sit and read.  But when I do, I love to be in books that focus on the different areas of life that I am in the midst of.

When we were going through the adoption, I often found myself diving into books about interracial families and attachment issues.

When we were going through all of Zeke's testing I was reading a lot about Aspbergers, Autism and learning disabilities.

I am currently reading "Six Ways To Keep The 'Little' In Your Girl" and a marriage book, which is a secret, until I'm done, and then I will share:)

CLOSING
I always try to pray when I'm done, just committing my day to the Lord.  But, I never say Amen...and HERE'S WHY.

I'd love nothing more than to say that I'm a super Christian and I never miss a day, but that's just not true.  I'm a work in progress. I have times of inconsistency and dryness.  I have times when God is silent and times when He shouts.  I have times when my bed is WAY too comfortable in the morning...
*sigh*
...but these things are my goal.  These are the things that I've found that help me hear my Father's voice and draw me closer to Him.

Friday Free-For-All

Flu.

Such a simple word.
Such a small word.
Such an innocent word...
until you are its recipient.

I had the honor of the flu's presence on Wednesday night.
Every 20-30 minutes, ALL NIGHT LONG, to be exact.

Which made for a blur of a Thursday.
I didn't see much daylight as I spent the entire day in bed sleeping it all off.

As a result, I opted out of the bedtime routine with the kids last night.
I sat in the kitchen working on bills (yippee) and listened in to the family devotions.  I got to overhear the sweet exchanges between the innocent questions of the Colony and the wisdom of their daddy.
Zeke was less-than thrilled with the fact that angels do not have skin.  I'm pretty sure we lost him there, ha!
The conversation continued to carry on for quite some time until Areyna suggested that they all just sit quietly and try to listen for God.  After a couple of minutes of sitting in silence Josh began asking them what God had told them.  It was such a sweet thing to listen to:) BTW, God told Cai that they could play cars together someday:)

I'm 99% done getting ready for Christmas.  All we have to do is go to Five Below and let the kids pick out their gifts for their cousins!

I will be sharing a photo journal of our 1st annual Girls vs. Boys Colony-Christmas-Gingerbread-Decorating-Create-A-Wonderland-Kick-Some-Butt-Bottom-Do-Your-Bestathon Extravaganza.  It was quite the event!

This day, 2 years ago, we found out we were pregnant...and then we found out that it was an abnormal pregnancy, that we were already saying goodbye to our baby and that I could have died if I would have waited any longer to go into the doctor.  Sheesh, life sure isn't easy. We were never promised that anyway, but I sure am thankful for a God who heals, protects and comforts.

We had a multitude of pumpkins around the house this fall. As in almost a dozen!  We decided that the pumpkins that surrounded the manger scene in the front yard may be giving mixed signals.  It didn't take long for Rainy to come up with a creative way to put them to good use though:)

Some people have "snowmen".  The Colony has "pumpkinmen".  I get a conglomeration of morbid and fun feelings every time I look at them.

Well, that's enough rambling.
It appears that I may be the one playing Dr. today.  Poor Josh is the one honored today.

Happy Friday Ya'll!

The Secret To Contentment

Usually when I have a "night off" it is because I desperately need some quiet time alone.  Sometimes I make the initiative and call Josh at work, asking if he would be willing to let me go away to clear my head for a couple of hours when he gets home.  Sometimes it is Josh who takes the initiative and demands me to have a "time out":)

Regardless, this alone time is mostly out of necessity.

But last Monday afternoon Josh texted me out of the blue to ask if I'd like a night off.

I told him I needed to pray about it, ha! (j/k)

It hadn't been an abnormally rough day. I, I mean, the kids, hadn't had any major meltdowns.

You better believe I wouldn't pass up this opportunity though!

I prepared dinner and we all sat down together to eat.

Then Josh looked over at me and said, "Now, get out of here!"

I had the perfect plan!

I needed a new journal, and we all know that finding the perfect journal can be time consuming:)

Then I went to a restaurant with an outside eating area and ordered a dessert to eat ALL BY MYSELF.  As I indulged I put in my earphones and finished the book I was reading and then...

...I couldn't really think of anything else to do.

So I hopped in the car, turned the radio off, rolled down the windows and enjoyed my last few minutes of blissful alone time.

When I pulled up the driveway I could see in the windows.  It was already getting dark, and there was a 50-50 chance that the kids would be in bed, but as I pulled into my spot I could see Alethia sitting at the kitchen table with Jude, making silly faces at him and feeding him a late-night snack.  I stood outside the carport window and watched for several minutes.  It was such a sweet thing to watch.

Then, instead of walking in, because let's face it, bedtime is so much more fun to WATCH than to DO, no matter how much you love your kids, ha, I walked around the back of the house.  Areyna and Zeke were twirling around in their own make-believe world and Cai was putting his cars "nite-nite".

I decided that I'd just hang out on the trampoline with Pandora and the stars watching the kids enjoy their daddy time before bed.

That moment is when I realized that I was content.  Like really soul-fulfilling content.

I believe it started in Uganda last fall.  Somewhere along the way I lost interest in trying to gain my self-worth in trying to be like my friends and trying to do what worked for them and their families.  Not that I don't ever struggle with comparison anymore, but that constant nagging that would continually leave me feeling empty, worthless and never good enough...those feelings are gone!

I have finally not only embraced this season of life that I am in but I am daily choosing to OWN it!

Now, don't go painting a picture in your head that parenting never completely exhausts or drains me and don't you dare think for a second that I have mastered the art of being completely content 100% of the time.  This mama is STILL going to need her time-outs locked in her bedroom and her nights away from the chaos of kids.

But when I think about the word EMBRACE, I mentally picture wrapping my arms around something.

One step farther is to take what I embrace and OWN IT!

When I hear "OWN IT", I mentally picture determination of the action being embraced.

For me, right now, I mentally picture myself wrapping my arms around the fact that I have 5 children (when growing up I honestly questioned whether I ever even wanted kids).  I am a stay-at-home mom (when if fact, I always pictured myself working outside the home in some capacity because I LOVE being active).  I provide for my family by feeding them (and not in a 5-course-meal kind of way either), teaching them and encouraging my kids to be thankful for their daddy's hard work to financially provide for our family.  I homeschool, a road I NEVER thought I would be going down.

These are the things God has called me to, not necessarily the things that I would have planned my future to hold, but in this season I can choose to be bitter, resentful, bored, complain about my kids and their on-going antics or the lack of emotional stability in some of their lives (*sigh*), or embrace this season as an adventure that God has blessed me to be a part of and own it!

I have never felt as content in my calling as I do right now!  I am committing to daily choose to own it (knowing that days will come and go where I will fail tremendously, but I'm committed to try anyway)! To run this race with Christ as my navigator and motivator, not in search of someone else's race and calling.


What season are you in?

Are you just trying to survive through it or are you going to work faithfully, as unto the Lord?

Do you exemplify contentment and ownership of your children or do they constantly overhear you complaining about them to your friends?

I'm a work in progress, but I believe that the days where I choose to own the things God has given me to embrace, those are the days I find contentment in them.

Choose to embrace YOUR calling.

Choose to OWN IT!

And smiling through it is never a bad idea either;)

Then, if you are truly following after God's own heart,  I promise you will find that contentment.

Slow Motion

I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a whirlwind.  I'm staring at life scurrying all around me and I can't seem to keep up.  I don't even think I want to keep up.  I kind of feel like our lives are standing still while shoppers are getting ready for Christmas and people are rushing off to work.

It's kind of strange to explain.  No, we're not wallowing in self-pity, nor are we depressed...we are just indifferent to life right now.  Things that used to matter so much all of a sudden seem so silly and irrelevant.

Josh made it home to the rest of us (minus Alethia, of course) but we are together, again, as a family.

We are slowly getting back to life as normal, but normal will just never be the same as it was before September.  We don't want normal to be the same.

My mom is here to help us gather our lives back together here and she let Josh and I get away for a coffee date this afternoon.  Josh and I both agree that we are so not feeling this Christmas season.  Sure, we know it's more than the gifts and Christmas trees, and we will always come back to the true meaning of Christmas, but life goes on outside of our family and the extended family continues to live life as normal.  But for Josh and I, this Christmas is different.  We both looked at each other saying that we agreed that this year needed to be different...somehow...we just don't know what that "different" needs to be yet.

Living in Uganda for 2+ months really makes you reevaluate wants vs. needs and things that are truly important to you and your family.  We don't want to quickly forget the life we lived in Uganda, or the way those people served and gave of themselves from nothing.

Anyway, as I creep back over here to the life we left behind, we want to be forever changed!

We are continuing to keep our adoption blog going.  Feel free to grab the code on the right to link to our adoption journal to share our story and to help you remember to pray for our sweet Alethia.  We'll be keeping you up to date on any new information on our case as it comes.

Thank you for holding us during this time of transition:)

"The Suitcase"

Zeke god a backpack a couple of months ago.  It goes everywhere with him.  It even sits across the room so he can see it when he goes to bed.  He is constantly going through it to make sure everything he needs is inside. 

It's actually been kind of nice sometimes, because when we are going to be out of the house for a while and I tell Zeke, "Now buddy, if you have to go potty DO NOT WAIT TOO LONG  because I didn't bring an extra set of undies."  He just simply replies, "It's OK mom, I have some in my suitcase:)"

He packs extra clothes if we are going to be going out of town, albeit it's usually all jammies and a superhero T-shirt, ha, and toys for the trip.

He knows exactly what is inside...but I never do.

So, one morning during breakfast I snuck in to take a look for myself, and this is what I found!

We've got all his favorite "animals", about 4 pairs of underwear, his prayer journal, lots of sticker and activity books, his cell phone, extra "Pixie Dust", his Ben10 watch, some shirts and his laptop, and an assortment of much-needed toys.  Looks like he's ready for a day in the wondoffice:)

No wonder I keep finding him laying on his back, having fallen backwards because of the weight in his bag, ha!

Fun Facts For Friday

I am exhausted this morning!

Physically
As grateful as we are that the flu bug is no longer lingering around our house, we are now battling this sinus, congestion, I've-never-had-so-much-snot, cold stuff.  Because of it's effects, you know, coughing your lungs out and snorting like it's sexy, I've been taking some medicine.  The night time ones have left me sleeping all night, but waking up from crazy dreams ranging from deaths in the family that seem so real that I wake up with that burden that lasts the rest of the day, and then other's that leave me laughing out loud in my sleep, waking up both Josh and myself.  Therefore, I think I'm done with those meds, ha!  So, sorry if you've been trying to call, I've been left without a voice for most of the week.

Emotionally
I had another niece born yesterday afternoon.  As I rejoice over the new life God brought into this world, I am faced with the equally strong emotion of grief for another who lost their baby 2 days ago, which only brings back a flood of emotion from our loss that we experienced just 7 short weeks ago.

As a parent
Feelings of inadequacy and defeat.  Just to sum it all up, as Areyna and I were bantering about an issue I tried to get to the heart of it by asking, "Areyna, why is this so hard for you?  Why do you HAVE to do ____________?"  which led to her response, "But if I don't I won't feel like a grownup."  Oh boy... She's not even 6 ya'll and she's already wanting to be grown up and feel like an adult!  I'm not ready for this.  I'm not sure which battles to choose and how to respond.

On a brighter note, Josh and I went on an amazing date this past Wednesday!  We did our usual: eat out for dinner (somewhere we had a gift card for, of course:).  We have a new date strategy.  You ready?  We split our entree.  It left more money on our gift card, so we got an appetizer, and it left more room in our stomachs for dessert!  We are SO doing this from now on.  I'm not sure why I feel like I have to stuff myself full, just because we're on a date, ha!  Then we went to get some coffee and walk around Barnes-N-Noble, which used to be one of our favorite dates before kids.

While we were in there I remembered that my journal was on it's last few pages and I figured I pick one up while we were out.  And maybe it's me, but I have the hardest time picking out a journal!  I mean, all the options...spiral or spine, hard or soft back, multiple color schemes or plain (I mean, you have to get one that matches the room it sits in, right?!  Ok, maybe that's just me...), leather or plastic, thick or thin, lines or no lines, and then the price...sheesh!

Then, we were left asking the age-old question, "What do normal people DO on dates besides dinner coffee and movies?" and you better believe we weren't going home before 10:)

So, we thought, since it felt oh so nice outside, to go downtown and walk around.  We ended up on Fayettville street.  We had a blast, prancing around, well, Josh didn't prance, but whatever.  We walked past this place called Sono Sushi Restaurant.  Now, the only thing Josh and I can think of is the nasty sushi we had when we were in Japan...slimy, sticky, raw, ewww

But it didn't take me long to persuade him to go in with me, just for fun, and try some.  I mean, when do we ever act so spontaneously?!

Surprisingly it was pretty good.  The experience was so fun and I'd say we'd probably go again.

So, it really has been a good week, but I am thankful that it's Friday!

Any big plans for anybody?  We're staying right here, anxious to worship at our home church together this weekend.

Happy Friday ya'll!

God Still Moves

An excerpt in my prayer journal from yesterday morning reads:

"Lord, calm Jenn's heart. Give her peace. Lord, if it is your will, allow her to hear an answer today! You are all powerful. You can reach down to Ethiopia and recover lost paperwork. Give Jenn patience and endurance."

A few hours later Jenn informed us that they had a travel date!!!

Wow, God is SO good.

I'm not saying that it was my prayer that got them their date, but that God listens to and answers the prayers of His faithful people.

God Be Praised!

If you doubt God's mighty work in today's culture

you can read more testimonies HERE!

A Budget Is For More Than Your Finances

"Where has this day gone?"

"What have I been doing all day?"

"There's just not enough hours in the day."

"I don't have time to, ____________ (have a quiet time, to exercise, to cook healthy meals for my family, etc.)"

Sound familiar? Well, if not, then good for you, but I think the majority of us have asked one or more of these questions at least once in our lifetime. I think the majority of us have used time as an excuse to get out of things we are not personally motivated to do, even the ones God is calling us to do.

I was getting frustrated at myself, and in turn irritated at the kids, and even Josh, when I wouldn't get the things done in my day that I wanted to. I would have this same attitude when my time would be distracted away from my family, my role as a mother and wife and ministry worker, and instead my time would be spent elsewhere.

But where was that time being spent? It was kind of like that feeling at the end of the month when you can't figure out where the heck your paycheck has gone!

So, I started to keep a Time Journal. Over the past few weeks I have been logging my hours and recording my activities throughout the day. Just like when Josh and I started our financial budget. We simply started just recording where our money went. Every minute is allotted for, just like every penny was allotted for. The results in both cases were astonishing, embarrassing even!

Notice I'm not sharing my results, ha, but I will tell you that I have come to realize that I'm addicted to "doing". Doing anything that keeps me occupied. I find it hard to just sit and play, sit and read, sit and meditate. Down time has been my enemy, even that is what my end goal always is. I "do" so that I can just sit, but when the sitting time comes, I find something else to "do".

I feel like my time is just as much a blessing to me as the money that God has allowed us to have so I decided to give myself a "Time Budget". I'm not cutting myself off from cleaning, organizing, reading blogs, checking stats on the computer, etc., but I am limiting that time so that I can focus on the important things like brushing Barbie's hair with Areyna, writing secret clues for Zeke making faces at Micaiah and just being available to Josh.

Now, I definitely don't have it all down yet, like I said, I'm addicted to these time waisters, but I'm working on it. I have a plan...

So, where has YOUR time gone lately?

I Think It's Time

Areyna, I mean Tinkerbell, missing a nap and being very 

content watching the rain while writing in her journal.

Areyna is now 4 years, 1 month and 2 weeks old and I think she is to the point of no more naps.  Before she was taking a nap consistently for a week or so at a time and then missing 3 in 1 week.  Just very inconsistent.  But this week I've noticed that the days where she did get a nap were the days that it took her a ridiculously LONG amount of time to fall asleep at night.  Which makes for not-so-fun mornings on school or church days!

I have really enjoyed my napping days!  My "me time".  My get-caught-up-on-anything-and-everything time.  My alone time.  I need that time a lot of days to relax and build my patience back up for the second half of the day.  I know it sounds selfish, I'm just being honest.  I don't feel ready for this next stage in life where I don't have that time anymore.  I'm not even sure what that looks like.  

Like in the picture above, Areyna is very content during this time, but she gets really chatty=)  She wants to tell me EVERYTHING!  I give her some "rest time" in her room to play by herself for a little bit but on the days when I have a lot to get done for the ministry, or violin lessons to give I am just not sure what to do.

What do you do with your kids during this time?  I'd love some simple ideas.  I've thought about incorporating a little "school" into the afternoons with her.  Any suggestions?

1 And 333

I have been blogging for 1 year TODAY!  Here's a look back at my first post.  I never thought I'd have anything to say.  I wasn't sure who would ever read this thing and what exactly a blog even was.  After a few months I really got the hang of it.  333 posts later I am addicted.  But I'd like to know what motivates YOU to keep blogging?  Now, I KNOW I have some shy readers, but I'd really like to hear from you.  If you don't have a blog, I want to know what draws you back to your computer to keep reading more?  

What it is for me...

1-A place of my own -  a place where I can be free to say what I want to say. 

2-Sometimes it's just nice to know I'm not alone - whether I'm reading a blog or writing my own post it's nice to hear that other's are going through similar situations.

3 - A place to keep in touch - I have family in CO, VA, NC, FL, MD and friends ALL OVER.  It's an easy way to stay connected and share information and pictures so we don't seem so far apart.

4 - Keeps Me Accountable - I like to journal things that God is teaching me and things I'm working on.  I am more prone to stick to it if other's know what I'm working on=)

5 - So we can learn from each other - I try to be open and honest.  If I've learned a lesson the hard way I would love to be an encouragement to someone else to try it a different/better way!  And, just look at what I've learned from other's blogs!!!

6 - Cheap, easy hobbie - I don't have to pay for ANYTHING!!!  I can blog as little or as much as I want...

So, don't be shy, tell me why do you blog and what got you hooked?