Then circumstances started playing a part into my angst and the day quickly began to unravel.
I knew that it was going to be more than just an anxious day to fight through, because once actual "things" start playing into the anxiety you've got yourself a whole other battle to fight.
I was so caught up in the seemingly hopeless situation(s) that I froze.
Well, everything froze but my mouth.
The poison just kept seeping out between the creases of my lips, leaving a wake of uneasiness around the entire house.
My anxiety quickly turned into anger, frustration, touchiness, and before I knew it, I was in the middle of a good ol' fashioned pity party, salted with anxiety and peppered with hopelessness and anything BUT joy.
I'm sure the Colony children could quickly begin to list off EVERY area that this affected yesterday. Let's just say that it wasn't pretty, and I will NOT be getting any "awesome mom" awards for the way I acted.
To top it all off, the kids were at each other. Or maybe they were just being crazy and wild kids.
It didn't matter.
I was NOT having it and they needed to calm down.
I deserved a peaceful, quiet moment to gather my thoughts and regain control...
But being stressed out or anxious never excuses a sinful reaction, and this is the area I got stuck on.
I apologized more times than I can count, but the sin inside of me kept reclaiming ground.
Yes, yesterday was more than just a battle over my everyday anxiety that I deal with. THAT cannot be helped.
But the way I respond to news like I heard yesterday, and the exhaustion from a busy weekend, and noisy kids playing around and having fun...THAT is a choice.
This morning I woke up to have my time with the Lord and EVERY. THING. I read had to do with choosing JOY. Giving THANKS. Making WISE CHOICES.
NONE of which I accomplished yesterday!
I focused on everything else: the house that is literally falling apart beneath us, the volume of my kids (I'm pretty sure their decibel level clears the illegal threshold is some states!), the physical exhaustion from being busy (and sick) over the weekend, and all the other stuff that kept "going wrong".
When I should have just kept my eyes on Christ.
Because He is the hope.
He is the provider.
He is the interrupter of my perfectly laid out plans.
He is the author.
He is the one who gives JOY in the midst of seemingly rough unHAPPY news.
HE IS JOY.
And He doesn't just ASK us to "rejoice always, pray without ceasing, and to give thanks in ALL circumstances". 1 Thessalonians says, "for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
This focus on HIM isn't just for God's glory but for US! It brings us the JOY in the midst of bad health, or thousands of dollars worth of house repairs, or lost jobs, or dwindling accounts, or struggling relationships, or broken promises, or overly-lively children;).
"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing,
give thanks in all circumstances;
FOR THIS IS THE WILL OF GOD IN CHRIST JESUS FOR YOU."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-19
I'm claiming this today and I'm starting with thankfulness for HIS grace and HIS love and HIS patience for me, even when I get off track like I did yesterday.