Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Taking Off The Floaty

Josh and Rainy at the intro night for student ministry at church
I have written and rewritten a half dozen posts over the past month but can't bring myself to complete a single one.  I feel like I'm so far behind on capturing our lives (the main reason I began blogging in the first place), but more so, I feel this new tension rising as my kids get older.

My life no longer consists of sharing tired ramblings after a long night with a fussy newborn, or reviews on the best spill-proof sippy cups.  My kids, minus Jude, pretty much speak like maturing little people with words flowing in the appropriate order (although, if I could get Cai to keep his two front teeth from growing in, we might be able to hang on to his cute little lisp for a little bit longer), and parenting is taking that deep dive from the shallow waters of physical exhaustion of the little years to the mental exhaustion of preteen and adolescent years.  I've still got my foot firmly planted in both, but the weight is increasingly leaning into the deeper side.

And because of that, I can no longer "just write" about my life as a mom and how I'm trying to learn how to thrive instead of just survive these little years.  The words that fill my journal these days are saturated by these little lives that are beginning to form their own identities and the trials they are facing as they grow up and learn to step out of fear and into the steady hand that promises to guide them.

And that isn't MY story to share.

It's hard for me to be vague.
I like to just say it how it is.
But I'm having to show great restraint in order to protect these little lives God has placed in mine, and respect their wishes for privacy.

My prayer is that they will learn to work out their faith, labor through their love and cling to the hope that gives endurance (1 Thessalonians 1:3), and those are things that I CAN write about.

I'm hoping I can figure out how to continue to be an encouragement to other moms in similar seasons but still keep my integrity as a trustworthy mom who doesn't share THEIR story unless I'm given the green light.

Here's to a new season of blogging, parenting and swimming in the deep end without a floaty.
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