Ramblings From Rest

Vacation Sunset

We began our track out with Josh's family on our annual vacation at the lake. I told some of my family that there are some years where we are just super stoked to get to vacation to enjoy the adventures ahead, and then there are other years where we feel like we barely come stumbling across the finish line to vacation; weary, tired and just ready for some time to regroup mentally, physically and emotionally.  This year was the latter.

But even after a week of sleeping in and 6-mile morning walks with my sister-in-loves to catch up on all things life and reading and soaking up the sun, I came home still not feeling ready to reconnect with all my responsibilities.

Josh's parents requested to hang out with the kids for a few extra days since it was still track out (Josh and I certainly didn't argue) so after a short, two-day respite to do laundry, go to Biology class (Rainy), beast another soccer game (Cai and Jude) and repack, I relinquished my children over to the grandparents to come back home and...wait, I had NO AGENDA!  

I am always trying to figure out projects to accomplish when I don't have the kids. And if I'm not here I'm typically off playing a gig somewhere so I'm not even at my house.  So on the ride home I asked the Lord what He wanted me to do with these three days with no kids, in the comfort and quiet of my own home.  

Just breathe. Rest.

I DID organize the kid's rooms for them, because that is so very life-giving to me, and they stayed like that for THREE ENTIRE DAYS (you know, the three days that the kids were gone, lol)!  I woke up the next day not feeling well AT ALL, but I believe the Lord was just using my body to help solidify His plan for me to continue to rest while the kids were gone.

Cleaning. Organizing. Taking care of what God has given us. Order. Rest.

We took flowers to our elderly neighbor (she turned 104 last week, ya'll!). Then after praying over her (and listening to her sing sweet praises to her Heavenly Father, which I will not soon forget) we headed down the hallway and said our goodbyes to her granddaughter who cares for her and her 84 year old daughter, Mary.  But after a hug and farewell we ended up sitting at Mary's kitchen table and talking for well over an hour about life.  Listening to her stories of how she grew up, a black woman in a white town determined to keep her out.  Wow, our little town has come a long way! Their family has been here for ages...literally.  They walked through the Civil Rights movement and we heard first hand accounts of things that occurred right down the street from our home.  What a treasure that afternoon brought. 

Listening. Neighboring. Resting.

I have nearly completed three books in the past couple of weeks.  Through these books I've learned so much about my own self-centered heart and how offended I tend to live.  And some ways I can begin to live LESS offended and more compassionately and patiently FOR others.  I've read the most refreshing homeschooling book I've EVER read.  It has completely reshaped how I view success in a school day and it has helped me regain focus of the "why" behind the schooling choices we have made. Now I'm reading such a good book about the division in our country. This one is completely out of my typical reading genre but it has been VERY good for me. 

Reading. Learning. Opening my mind to new ideas. Thinking. Processing. Resting.

Josh and I found ourselves sleeping late, reading through breakfast, eating dinner at 8pm and talking into the night. We even took a couple of dates out on the town just because we could. New places. Places we found all on our own. We truly enjoyed each other's company.  Even the silent moments together (because let's face it, we have NO time without kids with early rising grade-schoolers and late-night-talking teenagers so silence is golden).

Reconnecting. Dreaming. Talking. Being. Resting.

One day we were driving home from Wendell and we passed a house that we have passed dozens of times over the past couple of years.  It has been for sale since we first saw it.  So Josh and I decided we were going to pull in and take a look around. Why in the world was this BEAUTIFUL home STILL for sale?!  Now, we KNEW it was WAY OUT OF OUR PRICE RANGE, but we wanted to just see what was up anyway.  I knocked on the door but nobody was home.  So I began walking around this country home and looking through the windows.  I mean, ya'll, this house is like 10 times the size of the Colony Casa.  EVERYTHING is like 10 times as big...including the mortgage we found out, lol!  It is literally over a million dollars after asking our realtor friend to look into it for us.  I mean, the laundry room is as big as our living room.  (I actually thought it was the kitchen, haha!)

Anyway, the entire ride home Josh and I daydreamed about all of the possibilities this home could provide for a family like ours.  The worship mentorship program we've always dreamt of having where people can come, live with us for a season and do life with us. The foster kids that would actually have a real SPACE to be.  The family we could entertain.  The worship nights under the stars by the fire pit area. The live recordings and music...

And as we pulled into OUR home I couldn't help but explode with gratitude for the perfectly imperfect home that God has provided for us. The community just on the other side of the woods that we have been able to connect with. Head-strong Lois next door, 104-year old Lizzie who talks to Jesus as if He is sitting next to her bed holding her hand, 84-year old Mary with all the stories we still can't wait to hear when we get to visit again, the stained carpet that people continue to come and sit on during MC, the kitchen table where we've been able to share meals, tears and hard life with so many, the kid's rooms that they share that keep them close, the piles and piles (because all the bookshelves are full) of books from a husband who loves to love and lead and learn.

Perspective. Gratitude. Resting.

That night I fell asleep rather quickly but at midnight I woke up and just couldn't fall back asleep.  I tossed and turned for a while but then decided I might as well get up.  Josh and I came home from vacation to some pretty heavy situations others are going through around us so I decided to take advantage and pray specifically for so many I love and care for. I finished up the book I was reading and then decided to try to lay back down. I found myself completely overwhelmed to tears with the goodness of God.  Even in the hard. Even in uncertainty. Even in the things that seem not-enough or insufficient enough.  God is so much bigger than it all. And I could actually FEEL it that night.  I was so emotional the rest of the night and into Sunday morning. My sleep-deprived state kept me moving slowly through the hallways, allowing for multiple conversations that may not have happened if I were more rested or if I had the 5-7 kids I am typically trying to keep track ofJo on Sundays.

Tangible closeness to the Lord. Intercession for others. Overwhelmed by God. Resting.

Jemma has been VERY sick.  Alethia has been comforting her with back scratches and reading to her.

Since the kids have been home I have found myself continuing to move more slowly. I'm watching my kids more closely. Not like a helicopter mom, but like an observer. Watching the way Cai walks through the field as if he is dribbling an invisible soccer ball, or the intricate way Alethia sets up her Barbie's living quarters all over the bedroom floor, or the faces Rainy makes while she is reading an exciting part in her book, or the determination Jude has as he duct tapes his stuffed animals to his remote control motor cycle to drive around the park trails, or how incredibly old Zeke looks all of a sudden. 

Awareness. Cherishing. Resting.

My kitchen is much dirtier, the bed is still unmade, I keep forgetting things that would typically be top priority in my get-it-done mindset, and I only have kind-of an idea of what I should make for dinner in about an hour. But Josh said he thinks this new me is kind of sexy.  I don't know how long my anxiety-tendencied self will allow these feelings of peace and deeply grounded purpose stick around, but I'm going to hold on to them as long as I can.

Even in the doing. Resting.

This is Fred. He has enjoyed his duct taped rides around the 1-mile loop at the park, ha! 

Sing Your Song

Thank you whoever first posted this photo last weekend:)

I have played music for as long as I can remember.  I began taking lessons as a four-year-old. I began as a solo instrumentalist but my favorite thing, by far is to play WITH other people.  I've played in ensembles, quartets, as a duet, in symphonies and orchestras, in worship bands, in instrumental bands...and NOTHING compares to that feeling of playing a note that fits so perfectly with another.

Classical music if fantastic and reaches a different part of my soul than other music. Fiddle music reminds me of my grandaddy.  Folk music brings me back to college coffee shops and gigs.  Hymns take me back to our small churches as a child, as I played side-by-side with my siblings and parents as we led the congregation together.  Songs played for funerals and weddings carry their own weight and music played to words that sing about our God and who He is...NOTHING compares.

But you know what?  I've always wanted to be able to sing.  Like REALLY sing.  

Now, I can carry a tune...and it'll for sure be IN tune, but it just doesn't come out like when my friend Patience Leino (or so many of the other vocalists I have had to privilege to play music with/for) who quite honestly sounds like I imagine an angel sounding.  I struggle to remember lyrics without a prompt and my voice gets shaky and unsteady, and I've heard those things are kind of important, ha!

Still, I can hardly contain myself.  I feel like it might explode through my chest at times as I get so caught up in the words of the song and try to wrap my mind around their reality and what they mean that I simply can't NOT sing.  I often have to remind myself that I need to "come back in in about three more beats" or that I am going to need to bring it back down in order to keep that consistent rhythm or steady bow hand.  

It's not that I'm not allowed to actually sing, but there is a reason I don't have a microphone.  Because that's not my thing.  It's not the song God gave me to sing.  My song is made on a violin.  I sing my notes through a melody of tones strung together.  My personal song complements the lyrical song and all the other pieces that fit together to make it complete. Individually we all sound just fine, but when you bring us all together there is no denying its purpose.

Nearly every time I am playing I am reminded of the gift that it really is.  To be able to have a way to express my heart to the Lord, even though I can't sing my worship the way I want to, is a true blessing which I am immensely grateful for.

Josh just reminded me of this breathtaking message that Louie Giglio has about the different parts of creation and how they all fit together to make a beautiful cacophony of sound in worship of our great God.  They aren't even trying for it, they are just doing what God created them to do!

If I sat on the sidelines simply because I can't sing the way I wish I could, not only would I be missing out on this avenue God has given me to jump on board with His mission, but my part, my notes, my song and my worship would be missing.  The body of musicians would be affected as a whole.

Maybe you are reading this and wondering what in the world I'm even talking about.  Your song has nothing to do with notes at all.  You are an engineer, a teacher, a smart computer person (there are so many of you out there, and THAT is for SURE not me!), doctor, builder, landscaper...you name it.  That is your song.

Or maybe you care deeply for children, or the marginalized, or the homeless, or strong families.  You pour into those things with all your heart.  

That is your song.

I have other avenues of singing as well.  Being an intentional mother and wife, teaching my kids, shaping hearts, encouraging friends, feeling deeply, listening without judgement, crying with those who cry, fighting for lots of white space in order to fill it with the multiple interruptions God brings my way...these are all some of the songs I feel like God has given me to sing.

What is YOUR song?  What notes do you bring to the cacophony of sound that reaches far above the heavens that shouts how great God is, even when our world is crumbling around us?

It doesn't have to be glamorous. 

Most of the time it's not. 

In fact, many times you'll get dirty as you sing it.  

But embrace it for what it is.

We've all got a song to sing for Him.

Just find your song and sing it!

Sitting Outside The Ring Of Fire

Josh and I sat outside by the fire pit for over 2 hours last night.  We saw the sun drop behind the trees and then the atmosphere slowly turn to darkness outside.  The stars were so bright above our heads, yet the darkness around us slowly swallowed us up...except for the light that the fire put out.

As I was gathering sticks to slowly add to the low-lit fire a bat kept sweeping in right around our heads.  It was creeping me out!  And every time I stuck  my hand down in the stick pile to grab another handful I was afraid I was going to pull out a spider, or even worse, a snake!

The fields around us are always an unknown.  We've seen coyotes and raccoons and numerous deer.  The random person has also been known to traipse through the tall grass on the far side of the field.

But the lower and lower the fire's flames got the more our eyes adjusted to the darkness and we were made more aware of our surroundings and the potential for critters, and who knows whatever else, to creep up on us.  There is a reason why I never enjoy the fire pit by myself when Josh is out of town.  Maybe if it was located closer to the house?

The fire was reaching an all-time low so I broke some longer twigs and sticks to add to the kindling.  All of a sudden the fresh new wood caught fire and began blazing brightly.  Immediately everything went pitch black around me.  The darkness didn't matter anymore, even though it appeared that it were thicker than ever.  The impending dangers were still all around us, but they seemed to have disappeared. Nothing mattered in that moment except for the nearly blinding light in the fire.  And as long as I stayed focused on that light that is all that consumed my mind.

The darkness will always surround us on this side of heaven.  The dangers and storms will always seem to be just over the horizon, but when we focus on the light  the fear goes away and the comfort is restored to the soul.

And in that moment, nothing matters but the light.

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."

John 1:5

"The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? 

The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?"

Psalm 27:1

"Believe in the light while you have the light, so that you may become children of light."

John 12:36

"the people living in darkness have seen a great light;

on those living in the land of the shadow of death the light has dawned."

Matthew 4:16

The Colony Mom Turns The BIG 40!

It was the day before my big 40.

It was my birthday and was headed to my parents house 

for our weekly Thursday night dinner and hangout

while Josh is at rehearsal.

My sister called to wish me a happy birthday.

Little did I know that she had just rolled into town and was 

literally waiting on me to leave my parents so she could hunker down for the

night as she waiting for what would be one of the biggest surprises ever.

Birthdays tend to stress me out a little bit

so we I like to keep them low key.

So when Friday rolled around Josh had planned a fun 

progressive dinner around town to celebrate.

But after we arrived at the first stop for appetizers he

conveniently told me he forgot his wallet

and that we'd need to head back to the house to grab it before the next stop.

We get to the house and he ran in.

I did not follow him.

I mean, why would I?

So after a minute or so he comes back to the car and said that Jude

REALLY wanted to show me a magnet creation he had made.

Of course I had to run in really quick to go see it.

As soon as I walked around the corner of the kitchen into the living room I was

SHOCKED to see a room FULL of so many of my favorite people,

yelling Happy Birthday!

Josh had recruited Heidi for some help to get a pot-luck surprise party.

My KIDS even kept it a secret from me!

What a special night it was!

I clearly wasn't ready to take pictures of this event,

but a few people did send me some so I could document this fun evening:)

Rainy made THE BEST peppermint chocolate cake!

It stayed hidden in a foil container with a very stern man reminding me not to peek.

And if that weren't enough, 

at 8pm we left the house (with friends doing ALL the cleaning!)

as Josh whisked me away to a hotel room for the evening.

AND THEN...

because I had been out of town leading worship for an event on

Heidi's big 40 bash, she booked a night for us to get away and be besties 

in our 40's doing all the exciting things like sleeping in, eating Mexican

and shopping for a new outfit with our Birthday gift cards.

Hey, 40 ain't so bad.

A Season Of Release and Seeking Perspective

The last time I wrote a blog was right before heading to Via Vacation at the beginning of September. I have never neglected my blog for such a long amount of time!

We had no idea what the rest of the year was going to hold for our family.

Not only did Josh and I find ourselves in an abnormally busy traveling ministry season, but we also welcomed little 2 1/2 year old Homestar into our family the morning after we arrived back home from vacation.

I have grabbed my computer to sit down and write at least a dozen times over the course of the past 4 months but I literally can't will my mind to formulate anything blog worthy.  (Part of this is because of the nature of our lives right now.  We are sharing our family with another, one of the most difficult and beautiful things we have ever done. This means that not all of our memories are OURS to share and we want to be sensitive.)

As I look back over the past several months I see that my blog isn't the only thing that has been neglected. I have released almost every responsibility of mine that is not absolutely necessary.

When I am at my best I see that my release of so many things has been a good, healthy, necessity for this season that we are in right now.  I simply know that I can't do it all and I'm okay with that. It is viewed as a "release".

But when I am at my worst I feel like a failure. I feel like I can't keep up. I feel like I can't do it all and that feeling is very defeating. It is viewed as "neglect".

This is when I begin to doubt my calling and my capacity for that calling.

But the Lord keeps whispering the word "perspective" into my soul.

I love the quote by Raymond Edman that says, "Never doubt in the dark what God told you in the light."

This year I'm praying that God would help me keep focused on His perspective.  

His perspective with relational conflict, with life circumstances, with parenting, with fostering, with ministry, with homeschooling, with EVERYTHING.

When I am seeking the Lord's perspective I see that it isn't my own strength loving all of these kids and this wonderful husband and the community He has surrounded me with anyway, it is Him. It's always Him.

Perspective.

How To Be The Martha HE Created You To Be ~ It ALWAYS Goes Back To The Heart

I've read the account of Mary and Martha from Luke 10 a million times and heard just as many sermons on this same account.

But I still can't get the Martha mentality out of my head.

Maybe because I have littles who are always asking about the next meal.
(Can I get an AMEN?!)
And if I don't make it they most likely aren't going to get it.
(At least not the good stuff!)
So I huff and I puff away in the kitchen...3 meals a day...for nearly 365 days a year.
(Because going out to eat with a family of 7...have you seen how my boys tend to act in public?!)
Ain't nobody got time to just sit around!

In this story I see a woman who knows that her LORD is outside and 100% sure that he is hungry.
She is torn.
She desperately wants to go out and sit at his feet, like her sister, and soak in all that He has to say, but knows full-well that dinner is NOT going to cook itself.

And if it doesn't get done now they aren't going to be able to eat until midnight!
(There aren't any prepared snacks or fast food restaurants right around the corner back then)
And she wants the BEST for her Savior.

So I get it!

God has made her a get-it-done kind of girl.
Who is very aware of her surroundings.

We are people who plan ahead.
We think about the full picture.
The clock is our best friend and worst enemy.

There are two things going on in this story that I think about every time I read/ hear it.

1 - I believe women (and men) like us will spend the rest of our lives fighting the get-it-done mentality when we need to work on the discipline of "being still" with the LORD (and yes, it is a discipline).  There is a time and a place for that FOR SURE (preferably every day!).

But today I want to hone in on number 2, which is:

I wonder, at the risk of taking another vantage point, if Jesus would have reprimanded Martha if she were to have been serving with a servant's heart.  Maybe it wasn't just about her stopping what she was doing to come and join them.  Maybe it was about the HEART behind her service.

If she would have been serving out of a heart of love and service like Christ commands us to serve so many times in the new testament, would she have been RIGHT WHERE SHE NEEDED TO BE?

Martha was said to be "distracted by all the preparations".  You can just see the bitterness and resentfulness flowing out of the words when she went out to Jesus and said, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself?  Tell her to help me!"

Martha wasn't serving with the right heart.  And of course the Lord could sense that.  Actually, He didn't even have to SENSE it.  She was pretty open about it.

BUT...

...what if Martha would have been in the kitchen doing the thing that God had created inside of her to do.  She was a get-it-done kind of girl because that is the way God wired her (and me).  What if she would have been serving with a servant's heart.  I believe that if her heart would have been softened to serve out of love for her guest/Savior, and even her sister (that had chosen not to help her this time), that her heart would have been in the right place.

In this story Martha's mind was completely consumed with anger and resentment toward her sister.  I can only imagine the ugly things that were whirling around in her head about her "lazy" sister that "always made HER do all the work" as she prepared this meal.  Her mind was so full of thoughts of entitlement for herself and bitterness toward her sister. (It's a good thing these are all hypothetical thoughts, ahem...)

If only she would have been in the kitchen with an open heart and mind to serve like Jesus.  She would have then been in a posture to "work as unto the LORD" (Colossians 3:23) while allowing her heart and mind to be less consumed with the negativity toward her sister. Can you imagine the freedom she would have opened up in her heart and mind to hear, at a distance of course, the wise words of her savior just around the corner.  The wisdom.  The teachings.  The laughter.  The closeness.

Here is what the LORD is teaching me about the Martha he has created inside of me.

The only way I will be able to serve the way Jesus has exemplified for us to serve is by digging in against my natural flesh to do, do, do, but to find a way to be still with Him every day.  And it is then, and only then, that I can serve out of true love, the way a true servant should.  And IN that kind of serving I will be able to hear and feel the closeness of our Father right in the middle of all the serving.

It all goes back to the HEART.
It ALWAYS goes back to the heart.

Words

I haven't posted a blog post with actual word content in a very long time.

Finding the time and the quiet that necessitates such a post is few and far between these days, but I wouldn't trade this season for anything!

In fact, NOT being attached to a screen is kind of something I've been working on over the past couple of months...some days are better than others, but it is a personal conviction I've needed to get control over.  So there's that.

But as I was sitting outside on this beautiful breezy day, in the shade of my carport after a nice little workout, sifting through 7th grade curriculum (how is that even possible?!) and just looking around me I began welling up with gratitude for all that God has given us.

Given ME!

I look at my Areyna Joy and the tangible joy that she is to be around.  I see her growing beauty into young womanhood. I see her peacemaking spirit in action almost on a daily basis.  I see her confidence in who she is in Christ.  Can I just stop and say how special it is to see her activity on the Bible App that we share and how she is getting in the word all on her own now!

I see Zeke and how far he has come over the past few years.  I remember the feelings of that difficult season with him so clearly but can hardly remember him being in such a difficult spot.  I see his sensitivity and compassion.  I see his creativity and leadership qualities growing.  And the difficulties that come with an artistic kid like Zeke, who thinks outside the box, quickly becomes overshadowed by the positive qualities that accompany those exact same qualities.

My "mama bear" came out on behalf of my Alethia Grace this weekend!  If you are not an adoptive mama you may not understand the magnitude of this, but the bonding process is most definitely a process.  You might move forward a step but moments later fall back 10...but I feel like this past weekend was a stride in this mama's heart in my relationship with her.  I have also seen her grow in so many emotional areas throughout this past year that I thought may never improve.

Cai brings the laughter that this Colony so desperately needs!  His giggle, his jokes, his daily random facts, his artistic ability to create something from nothing...he is loud and overly inappropriate with bathroom humor to be sure, but man I love this kid (and the fact that he STILL lets me nibble those chubby cheeks!).

Jude, oh Jude...so extra, so sassy, so confident, so persistent. JUST. SO. MUCH.  This kid is smart as a whip though.  And when he is sweet, MAN he's sweet.  He is an all or nothing kid.  Determined to the core (unless he is tired...or hungry, ha).  If he can't figure something out he'll keep trying until he does.  Again, so many good qualities can and will come with his fire cracker personality.

What a blessing to be able to stay home and just be mom.  I don't take it for granted...well, actually I do sometimes, but I am so very grateful for this opportunity.  We may not have much wiggle room in the bank account because of this choice, but God NEVER ceases to amaze us with his provision, and over abundance that he lavishes on our family.  From clothing, to food, to toys for the kids, activities for our family to do, childcare for dates, a beautiful safe home to open up to anyone and everyone.  I don't even have to apologize for the bathroom issues anymore!

My husband loves and follows hard after Jesus and is so in tune with the Holy Spirit that he makes submission easy.  Not perfect by any means, but he is humble and teachable and growing into such a sexy leader;)  He loves me and the kids well.  We are learning to fight fair and not hold things in.  We have committed to learn from our own mistakes and poor choices, as well as other people's.  And we wholeheartedly believe that we are not exempt from any temptation, meaning we are continually reevaluating and praying that we will be aware of the enemies tactics.  We are learning to say "no" and all the freedom that comes along with healthy boundaries for our family and ministry.

Our life is not perfect.  Kids disobey.  Appliances break. Bank accounts are depleted. We hurt each others feelings.  Relationships waver.  People disappoint.  Difficult seasons with friends, and each other, come in tidal waves...

But God...

He is so good, and so patient.  He is always waiting for our repentance so that he can wrap us in grace and help us move forward.  He loves to give good gifts to his children.  And then smiles when we generously give them away.

Life is full of hurt and sin and pain.  But God also allows these glimpses of good to hang on to.  We all get them, we just have to be willing to see them.  Contentment. And today I see it and I praise His Name, Jesus, the only one worthy of that name, for it ALL.

Thirty-Eight

I turned a whopping 38 yesterday!

I think it's a pretty normal thing NOT to feel your age, but MAN I don't feel 38.at.all.
I'm afraid my wrinkles smile creases would beg to differ;)

Birthdays are such a weird thing.

I try not to care about the day that it is, and just carry on as usual.
But I always, in the back of my mind, feel like it should "feel" different than the rest of the days.

But anxiety held me hostage for a majority of my day.
Which is pretty typical on cold, gloomy, rainy winter days.
That's the thing about anxiety, it doesn't care if it's your birthday or not.
It just IS when it wants to be.
And so I spent a lot of my day fighting.

But I'll tell you what made it a little brighter...

My friend, Kristina, made me a birthday cake for small group on Sunday!  And it was DELICIOUS!

Waking up to our infamous "Happy Birthday" banner.  Because everyone in the Colony knows that it really isn't a birthday until that banner is hung high!

A strawberry butter and croissant breakfast made by none other than my Areyna Joy.

Which was consumed AFTER I ate my first breakfast made by my sweet hubby before he headed to work.

Homemade birthday cards hidden in nooks and crannies of the house for me to find.

Flowers delivered to my front door.
And the softest little bear that came with them.
I named him "Boo" because my Boo gave them to me.
The boys like to fight over him because he is so cuddly.  Big surprise.

The fact that my sister-in-law tried her hardest to get ahold of me from Africa.
Africa, people!
Now THAT is a sweet gift:-)

Zeke came running home from school so excited to give me ice cream that he bought at school with his own money...it was the sweetest and saddest moment of the entire day when he flung open his lunchbox.  He was devastated!  We worked through it though.  Besides he already has a date planned for me for this weekend to Chick-Fil-A (using a Christmas gift card) and a trip to the market to pick out my very own flowers just from him.  Birthday's are so important to this kid, ha!

Jude's Strawberry Banana Tapereen.

Made-from-scratch cinnamon rolls from Rainy were the perfect afternoon snack.
My family must REALLY think I enjoy food, hahaha!

A dinner date with my Boo.

And my FAVORITE...

A birthday letter in "the blue book".  Josh purchased this book when he was living in Uganda while we were dating.  He wrote letters to and prayers for me every day while he was away.  The rest of the book has been sprinkled with sweet memories as he has written letters to me on special days, hard days and memorable moments throughout the years.  I spent the rest of my night, cuddled up with my husband in bed, reading through old letters from him out of this book.

It was a sweet day, even in the midst of the mental battle.

Less Is More In 2017

We all know that the day dawning a new year isn't any different than the other 364 days of the year.  But there is just SOMEthing about this day.

We all feel it.
And nobody is exempt from what happens next.

We all say goodbye to the past year and anticipate what is just around the corner.
We are all hoping and praying that what comes ahead will be better than what lay behind.

Even if it was a great year, it's exciting to look forward to the possibilities wrapped up in a new one.

Some have had really difficult years and have been fighting for the finish line, grasping for the fresh air that is hopefully just around the corner.

We all dig deep trying to figure out how we can be better than before.

Over years past I have focused my year on healthy habits, both spiritually and physically. I have worked on building better, STRONGER relationships.  And just plain being a better mom, Christ follower, wife, sister, friend, daughter...

...but always praying that the Holy Spirit will help me keep my focus on the Heavenly Father.

Last year's focus was to be present.  My mantra was Jim Elliot's quote, "Wherever you are, be all there."

This year, though, all I can wrap my mind around is MORE.

More of Him.

That's it.

Because more of Him will mean less of me.
And Lord knows we all need less of my personal opinions and injustices, my tendency to make decisions based on my fickle emotions, and my predisposition for critical thinking.

More of Him will mean acting in His love and patience.
More of Him will mean more obedience from me, whether that is in daily conversations about His goodness and soul-saving grace, embracing His interruptions in my schedule, or walking in faith not fear.

No more overthinking, just overflow.
My identity placed solely in His hands.

Everything else I strive to be better at, or do harder, pales in comparison to Him and what He wants to do in and through me.

This New Year's Resolution:

"He must become greater, I must become less."

John 3:30

My Prayer Closet

This place used to be a place of defeat.

For whatever reason Satan would wreak havoc as soon as I'd step foot in the shower.  Maybe because my mind didn't have to think much while I was getting clean, so why NOT bombard me with lies in an attempt to sabotage my day.

The lies that would swirl around in my head, the previous conversations that would play over and over until untruths became absolutes, and past hurts that would become present hurts all over again...

I remember, on numerous occasions, flying through my shower routine in order to get out of there as quickly as I could, to stop the voices that were echoing so loudly within those enclosed walls.  I would feel absolutely exhausted and sometimes near panic by the time I stepped back out onto the tiles of the cold bathroom floor.

Sunday mornings were the worst.  Waking up so early to get to band run-through meant that my brain, during my morning showers, was still waking up and foggy.  Truth seemed to still be sleeping while the lies poured on thick, making it nearly impossible to prepare spiritually for the job ahead.

But somewhere over the years this very scary place has transformed into a place of solitude.  And it's certainly not because I don't have kids in and out using the bathroom or brushing their teeth or asking to get a snack (this Colony NEVER ceases to be hungry!).

But now, when I step into the shower other people come to mind.

Those with struggling marriages, the one searching and searching for a job, the relational conflict of another, the ones fighting for contentment.  My squad girls whose lives run deep through my veins, my parents, in-laws and siblings, my own husband and kids.  Those people who I utter those precious words, "I'll be praying for you".

I may not have a ton of quiet in my life, but this space and the mundane activities that happen within (although I have been known to accidentally wash my hair with face wash a time or two), allow for some very sweet time where I don't have to do anything but fight for others God has placed in my life with the very real weapon of prayer.

Now when Satan thinks he can play with my mind when I jump in the shower I simply ask God to bring to mind those that I need to be praying for.

Your prayer closet doesn't have to be an elaborate haven.  I have friends who have told me they have been praying for me while mowing their grass (Which can take HOURS for some people.  Just ask my dad, ha!).  We have another family friend who traces alphabet letters with his GPS while jogging, praying for people whose names begin with that letter.  Another one of my friends uses the time at her kitchen sink to call out to the One who promises to hear his children.  Maybe it's the drivers seat in your car, or your teacher's desk between classes.

God doesn't care WHERE we pray, so get creative and find a place to do battle, even if the only place you can think of is in the shower.

13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, 

that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, 

and having done all, to stand firm. 

14 Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, 

and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 

15 and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness 

given by the gospel of peace. 

16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, 

with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one;

7 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, 

which is the word of God, 

18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. 

To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,

Ephesians 6:13-18

These Are Strange Times We Are Living In

If you came here looking for election and voting propaganda and information you have come to the wrong place. Our ballots are in and now we wait.  But here in the Colony household we are not holding our breath in fear because whatever happens is not going to come as a surprise to the Ruler of all creation.  God is the only one who holds my wholehearted allegiance and who is the ultimate winner.

Everyone else in the world can talk about the crazy going on today, but I am choosing to lend a hand in distraction as we await the final count.

So let me turn your attention to these:

When I looked at Josh a few days ago and asked him if I could go shoe shopping, he almost fell over laughing.

See, I have 2 kinds of shoes I wear; flip flops and nicer flip flops.  I also have a couple pairs of boots for when my frozen toes need to warm up in the winter, but for real, all I ever wear are flip flops.

Add that information to the fact that I never go shopping, in fact I HATE going shopping, and you have a pretty good reason to fall over laughing.

But a couple of weeks ago we had some friends invite us to a Black Tie Benefit Dinner with them.  Typically the words "Black Tie" and "Colony Parents" wouldn't ever be seen together, but THIS FRIDAY we are going on a double date in style!  And unfortunately my riding boots and beach flip flops just aren't going to cut it this time, ha!

So I called up one of my faithful friends for moral support, and guidance as I searched for the perfect shoes.  There were a few prerequisites to the pair I would purchase, though.  They had to be under $20 (I know, I'm so cheap, lol) and they can't be super pointy and shiny (go ahead and laugh...we did the ENTIRE time we shopped!).

As we jumped out of the car to go in the first store a text from Josh came through that read:

"Do you think you could find a set of cheap cufflinks

and four button buds for my tuxedo?"

And my reply:

"Who in the world ARE WE?! 

Texting about shoe shopping and button buds for a tuxedo?!"

First of all, the fact that Josh asked around and actually found a Tuxedo that fit him was pretty crazy.  Second, I don't even know what a "button bud" IS, much less, where to find one/them.

My friend had to keep me focused and away from the typical Cons or clearance flip flops I naturally gravitate toward, but she finally found this pair that I could live with, and I think my feet will cooperate enough in them to get me to where I need to go:).  The toes aren't too pointy, it has a strap that makes me feel a bit more stable AND they were only $15, thank you very much!

So, go ahead and use the mental images of me tripping walking around in for-real high heels as a distraction every time you begin fearing the outcome of today.  It'll bring a good laugh and help you remember that we live in crazy, strange times, but not so crazy that you can't find HIS Joy in the midst of it all.

Colony Mom Picks ~ Workout Faves

My parents used to call me "gnat" because I was so fast and would literally RUN everywhere!

I ran "track" in elementary school and really enjoyed it.

I tried my hand at basketball, but never really got the hang of it, because, well I could never remember which basket was my team's basket and then I found out that you can't technically be referred to as a basketball star with only 1 3-pointer under your belt in 2 years (and yes THAT basket was in MY own basket, ha!).

Then I found soccer.
Well actually, I found I guy I liked who was trying out for the soccer team in high school and he lived down the street from me and if I tried out for the girls team I could give him a ride home.  Yes, I was THAT girl!

Somehow I made the High School Varsity team as a freshman.
And the team was REALLY competitive and good.
Although I was NOT.

But I had speed in my favor, and the fact that I liked a good battle scar from slide tackles and snatching the ball away from the other team gave me a huge rush!

I moved my way up through the ranks on the team and actually got pretty good as my excellent teammates (and coach) rubbed off on me and I picked up on their techniques.

I even got a soccer scholarship which helped put me through college.
After college I played on a couple co-ed adult leagues until I found out I was pregnant with Rainy.

Josh and I also cultivated our young relationship through the hills and trails of Greenville, SC.  There is something to be said about a couple who can workout and sweat together.

All that to say, exercise and staying active have always been a pretty big part of our lives.

Now, more than ever, I use exercise as a way to manage my anxiety, but finding time can be really difficult.  That is why the way I workout is less about a "fit body" as it is to stay healthy and to release  endorphins.  I also believe that I can find time for the things that are important to me, and the times where I consistently lack exercise are the times I simply don't make it a priority.

I very frequently get asked what I do for my workouts, so I thought I'd share my workout faves.  I try to workout at least 4 times a week, if not more.

1 - Beachbody videos are my favorite.  Specifically T25 and 21 Day Fix Extreme.  I prefer Shaun T over Autumn any day, but I love both workouts.  They are only 25-30 minutes long and high intensity so you are getting a great workout in a manageable/realistic time.

2 - Jogging/running.  Going for a jog looks a lot different these days.  I typically have at least 1 kid with me at all times so having practical expectations is key.  I have it good though, because Jude LOVES to get on his scooter and go for a jog with me.  He clocked nearly 60 miles with me last month alone!  I can also get some miles in during nap time running laps around my house.  And Josh is really good about letting me get out for a run to escape clear my mind:)

3 - I also use yard work as a workout outlet.  Push mowing our yard will give me over 3 miles and if I jog while mowing it makes it even that much more effective;)

4 - I have tried LOTS of different protein shakes but my favorite is Garden of Life Raw Protein and Greens.  It is safe for the whole family and it is packed with protein and veggies!  I buy it off of Amazon.  It is cheaper (which is a HUGE factor) and packed with more vitamins, minerals and protein than all of the other shakes I've tried.

5 - These hairbands are my favorite to keep the flyaways out of my face.

So there you have it.  Nothing fancy and I'm not paying a fortune for a gym membership, which also releases endorphins for me, ha!

A Moment Shared Under The Trees

Several years ago, on one of the many mission trips I took to Uganda, I found myself out in a remote village with my team.  Our clinic had been underway for several hours and I was trying my best to mingle among the mothers and ladies who had come.

I veered off away from the crowds to walk down the hill toward the local village.

After a while I found myself under a tree with a young mom who had followed me from the crowd.  She had a couple of kids of her own and was also caring for some family member's children as well.

She didn't waste any time getting to the point of her intentions.

She did not ask for food.
She did not ask for money.
She did not ask me to take some of the many children she was caring for because she simply didn't have enough to feed all of them (this, unfortunately, is not uncommon).

She spoke not one word of greeting.

She did, however, recite this verse.  A verse which I have clung to my entire life as someone who fights against worry and anxiety on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis.  But there was something about the way she said it.  Especially after realizing that she didn't have a copy of her own Bible to help her memorize these words.

One baby wrapped around her back, another clinging to her hip, tears soaking the front of her dress she spoke these words:

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life,

what you will eat or what you will drink,

nor about your body, what you will put on.

Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Look at the birds of the air: 

they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns,

and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.

Are you not of more value than they?"

Matthew 6:25-26

Then she looked up at me with complete belief in these words while innocently asking how God could make such promises and not be providing food and clothing for herself and the many little humans left in her care.  She was broken but honestly seeking insight into these words she had just spoken to me.

We just sat there, holding hands and crying.

I had no answers for her and couldn't even pretend to.

We prayed together and then it was time for me to go.

I believe every single word of the Bible is TRUTH.

I believe every single promise in the Bible will come to pass.

So how can this mama (among so many other hurting and hungry in the world) be clinging to this HOPE, this PROMISE to their graves?!

I have wrestled and battled this question for years.

I have these verses hidden in my heart and pull them to the forefront of my mind when we have a bill due and the money isn't there (yet).  I recall the words and promises within these verses on highly anxious days, KNOWING that God is my provider, that HE's got this, that HE is in control...

...but part of me questions it because of that tear-filled moment under the tree with this woman in Uganda.

I decided to dig a little deeper into the words of this passage to get a better mental grasp of the context of these words from the Holman Commentary series.

You almost have to go back to vs. 19-24 to grasp the whole picture.

Jesus is teaching the people how to be fully devoted with total commitment.

And (one of) the fruit of this commitment is His promise to care for us.

Weber writes, " Our commitment to him and his commitment to us go hand in hand."

Furthermore, our Heavenly Father has our days numbered.

Worrying about a single one of these things will not "add a single hour to his life".

When we are fully committed to God, and His Story,

when we see our lives as PART OF the bigger Story of Christ,  

which is SO MUCH BIGGER than ourselves,

we can see the silver lining.

He will continue to care for us because we are so valuable and loved by Him,

but one day our story will end BUT GOD'S GLORY WILL CONTINUE, 

and He will cease to need to provide for us any longer because we will be with Him in eternity.

Sin has wreaked havoc on mankind, but God's Sovereignty overrules it all in the end and, despite the hunger and hurting and war and diseased, He still comes out victorious!  

Weber's interpretation of vs. 27 has been comforting and freeing to me as they sink in:

  

"If you try to take your basic provision into your own hands, 

you will find you do not have the power over life and death.  

Only God has this power, and he will sustain you as long as his plan intends."

So while I am still living and breathing, my God, help me rest in You, my provider and sustainer.

May God be glorified through it all, even when it doesn't make sense.

Friday Free-For-All : links to click on and devotions to begin

I CANNOT believe believe we have begun February.  In fact I just realized that Ash Wednesday is NEXT WEEK, which means its Bigger Than The Bunny Time!  If you don't have a hard copy make sure you head over and download the ebook version and then go over and get the songs (one day we'll finish the last 2.  Life kind of happened rapidly around this point as we worked on adding two more littles to the Colony.)

I had the privilege of leading worship with my hubby at the SEBTS GO conference last weekend.  The spirit was thick and moving and it was an honor to be a part of it!  Here is one of the songs we did:
GO Conference Worship: O Praise the Name - Lead by Josh Via from Southeastern Seminary on Vimeo.

This month is a HUGE month for a couple of products that I am pretty passionate about.

Young Living's starter kit is 10% off this month.  Make sure you head over to my YL site and put your order in before this deal runs out.  (PS- you only have a few more hours to add onto my monthly order so if you are wanting the wholesale price without signing up let me know so I can add your oils onto my order!)

Next up is Norwex.  I actually just took advantage of their February sign-up for FREE incentive.  I was asking my sister-in-law (who sells this stuff like its going out of business!) if she could tell me how to get the dusting mitt.  (the dust in the Colony casa is OUT OF CONTROL!).  She told me that it actually came in the jump starter kit, along with a handful of other amazing products.  All you have to do is pay the $10 shipping fee, no strings attached, no sales required!  And I said, I'm in!  So if you love the products and want to be able to buy yours at a discounted price head on over here and sign up, or just look around and order some of your own products to see for yourself how amazing they are!

I know, short and sweet blog post today but I just finished  putting on a pot of chicken bone broth, eating up a couple of eggs my chickens just laid this morning, and am heading outside to begin my pallet fence around my soon-to-be-garden.

What have I become?!

Happy Friday friends!