Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Protective Shield Engaged ~ Worship Wars

No matter how many times I request to be placed backstage or behind a curtain, our Worship Pastor will NOT oblige (ahem...).  Maybe his reasoning is that the phantom violin sounds being played would be a distraction and hindrance for the congregation goers frantically looking for the source of the mystery sounds...

So I've had to get creative.

It's not that I'm nervous about being on stage, but if you know me at all I do NOT like to be the center of attention.  I don't like people being able to pick me out in a crowd.  I don't like being noticed.

It makes me self-conscious and makes the profuse sweating begin.

And when these things begin to happen I make stupid mistakes, like tripping over my own two feet or having my fingers get tangled up on the E string.

And THAT is my worst fear.  Not because I'd look like a fool (well, maybe the ego is affected a little bit;) but because I would then be causing a HUGE distraction.

All I want to do is complement the other musicians and help lead others into the presence of God.

It is NOT a show.
It is NOT a performance.

These are just a few of the things that go on mentally as we prepare to go on stage and worship.

So I have mentally created what I call a "protective shield", which I am positive was a result of having three super hero loving boys in my house.

When I walk out and get in position I put on my suit and armor (violin and in-ears), close my eyes to find my focus (Christ and the words we are singing to Him), and then the shield rises up around me.  I picture a cylinder that closes me in except for an open ceiling.  Nobody can see me but God.  I can worship freely.

Some days I have to work harder than others to keep the shield in tact from the enemies blows (being concerned about who is in the crowd or not, what I look like, or impressing someone...things like that) in order to make little of me and much of God.  I mentally have to move myself out of the way to allow God to have center stage.

I'm thinking that I should bring my shield out more often than on Sunday mornings now.

What kind of tactics do you use in order to keep your focus (and enable the drawing urge to be that superhero you've always wanted to be)?
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