Two Steps Back

Sometimes A lot of times parenting means taking steps backwards.

Jude has been the easiest baby we have had.
Now, I know he is still young, and his stubbornness is just now beginning to develop, but overall he has been a very content, "by-the-book" kid.

My older sister gave us their toddler bed over Christmas, and a couple of months ago I decided to give it a shot with Jude.

We like to get our kids used to a bigger bed for several reasons.  Sometimes, the earlier you do it, the less of a battle it is.  They don't really understand the freedom they have so they learn to stay in their bed from the beginning.

Jude hadn't quite mastered the "down" technique yet, which is the initial reason I figured I'd give the ol' big boy bed a try.

We started with naps and he did just fine.
Eventually we moved to the all-nighter with success.

The pack-n-play was retired, for the last time, into the attic.
Forever moving out of the baby bed stage.

A few weeks into the transition, as Jude really began learning to get around, he figured out that he could, in fact, slide off of his bed:)  And he could, in fact, play with his legos, without mommy ever knowing...

I'm such an all or nothing girl, and if I decide to do something, not much can stand in my way.  But kids have a funny way of making my determined efforts powerless.

After several failed attempts at nap time I threw my hands up in defeat.

Internally I felt like a failure.
He was DONE with the baby bed.
I wanted this transition to be over and the boys room to be the way it's gonna be for a while.
Will everyone whisper "I told you so's" behind my back because they thought he was too young in the first place?

That last one is the hardest one for me.
I hate to look like I've made the wrong decisions.
I hate having to "go back" and do things again.
I hate what I think everyone could be saying (or thinking) about me.

Just writing this all down sounds so silly, ha!

But I've really been working hard against this exact mentality!

I mean really, so what if he is back in a pack-n-play?
He's only 1 1/2 years old for goodness sakes.
It's not like he's gonna be in a baby bed forever!
Some kids stay in their cribs until they are in preschool and they turn out just fine!
Why in the world have I gotten so worked up about this anyway?

So, I swallowed my pride and set the pack-n-play back up.
I kept the toddler bed in the room just to try it a few more times, but after no success, I eventually just took the whole thing back down and stored it away again.

Here is where it gets even more comical.

I've sworn by the pack-n-play.  We've never even owned a baby crib!  I've liked the pack-n-play because it is light, little, cheap and easy to move.  Also, their own bed can travel with us, which was a huge plus for this family who spent the last 6-7 years on the road as musicians.

But again, kids have a way of shaking up your normal and keeping you on your creative toes.

Jude has this weird thing of rocking incessantly.  He rocks to music.  He rocks to sooth himself to sleep.  He rocks in his sleep.  He rocks for hours, literally.  It was getting so bad that it would prevent the other boys from being able to fall asleep and would actually wake Josh and I up in the middle of the night.  He was beginning to rock so hard that he would bang his head on the wall as he bounced harder and harder on the mesh of the pack-n-play.  He would rock so hard that, even after placing his pack-n-play in the middle of the room, it would rock all the way back to the wall!

After several nights of little sleep for many of us we decided to purchase a crib off of Craigslist.
Yes, we actually bought our very first crib...for baby #5, ha!

Maybe it feels like some backward steps right now, and I'm pretty sure my future parenting mistakes will require some do-overs, apologies and even some never-do-agains, but I'm learning.  We are all learning.  And I am continuously reminded that the backward steps are what keep me humble and focused on the only one who can truly shape my kids souls into who they need to be.

And sometimes the backward steps turn into something better than the forward we were just in.