When people ask how the transition has been going Josh and I are always quick to say that it has been absolutely amazing to see our growing family adapt to all the changes of the past 6-9+ months so well.
But when you dig a little deeper you will begin to see the little things.
Areyna has reverted back to sucking her thumb. After some encouragement from a friend I realized that it just isn't a battle worth fighting anymore. She will give it up when she is ready and right now she finds comfort in this small act (at night) and I will no longer nag her over it. I had a talk with her and let her know that I love her, even when if she sucks her thumb, and to let me know when she is ready for help.
Zeke has weathered the transition fairly well. His issue is mostly with Cai and bossing him around. I think that his move from being the middle child to being almost the oldest has made him feel more dominant. He has begun to be quite the bossy older sibling. He likes to inform me when the other kids do something they aren't supposed to do and adds in his own two cents in the process. This is, of course, something that we can't let slide, but it is, none-the-less, the way he has dealt with the changes in his life.
I've already spoken about how Alethia is dealing with the changes in her little world:)
And that brings me to Micaiah. Poor little Cai. He has absolutely unraveled. He hits, he steals toys, he bullies, he cries, he whines, he throws temper tantrums...you name it and he does it! He has had a pretty rough time. Not because he just added a new sister and a baby brother. It is just all the transitions as a whole. I think he has been feeling lost in the shuffle. Today Josh and I could both tell it was going to be one of "those" days with him. I was up for the challenge and ready to tackle the day, no matter how Cai was going to act, but Josh stepped in and decided that Cai needed some one-on-one time with daddy and packed him up to take with him to work today. As soon as Cai realized that he got to go bye-bye with his daddy he became a totally different child! He is so sweet and cuddly when he is all by himself so today should be a special day for both of them, and for the rest of us as we enjoy the quiet, peaceful atmosphere here at home:).
I have really struggled as a parent, watching my kids deal with some of these circumstances. I mean, did I really drag them across the world, into a foreign culture, expecting them to adapt like an adult would? Have I really expected them to accept a total stranger as a sibling/sister to share with and to love forever. Have I really asked my daughter to give up all that she has ever known, all that feels safe to her, to fly across the globe to another world unknown to her to become part of our family, whom she is still trying to get to know? Have we really added yet another child so quickly, making it seem impossible for all of us to catch our breathe in the midst of an already major transition?
Don't get me wrong...I don't question whether we were supposed to do the things we have done and I wouldn't, for a second, take any of it back or even do any of it differently. God completely orchestrated these events and the timeline in which they occurred. But I do go through periods of doubt and guilt, knowing that we chose this path and have caused their little worlds to be rocked to the core.
I know that this guilt is just a feeling and that you certainly can't trust your feelings 3 weeks after having a baby and less than 2 months after bringing home an adopted child, but it is a constant battle some days to keep my feelings sorted out from the truth. And that truth is that we acted in obedience and we knew it wasn't going to be easy.
Digging deeper has made Josh and I be more intentional with each of our kids. He has been taking them out to run errands one at a time and I've been trying to fit extra one-on-one cuddle time in with them.
Digging deeper and seeing these little things and knowing that they are all coping in different ways has allowed me to be more sensitive and patient with them in these areas, because Lord knows, I need some extra sensitivity and patience with my own issues:)
But when you dig a little deeper you will begin to see the little things.
Areyna has reverted back to sucking her thumb. After some encouragement from a friend I realized that it just isn't a battle worth fighting anymore. She will give it up when she is ready and right now she finds comfort in this small act (at night) and I will no longer nag her over it. I had a talk with her and let her know that I love her, even when if she sucks her thumb, and to let me know when she is ready for help.
Zeke has weathered the transition fairly well. His issue is mostly with Cai and bossing him around. I think that his move from being the middle child to being almost the oldest has made him feel more dominant. He has begun to be quite the bossy older sibling. He likes to inform me when the other kids do something they aren't supposed to do and adds in his own two cents in the process. This is, of course, something that we can't let slide, but it is, none-the-less, the way he has dealt with the changes in his life.
I've already spoken about how Alethia is dealing with the changes in her little world:)
And that brings me to Micaiah. Poor little Cai. He has absolutely unraveled. He hits, he steals toys, he bullies, he cries, he whines, he throws temper tantrums...you name it and he does it! He has had a pretty rough time. Not because he just added a new sister and a baby brother. It is just all the transitions as a whole. I think he has been feeling lost in the shuffle. Today Josh and I could both tell it was going to be one of "those" days with him. I was up for the challenge and ready to tackle the day, no matter how Cai was going to act, but Josh stepped in and decided that Cai needed some one-on-one time with daddy and packed him up to take with him to work today. As soon as Cai realized that he got to go bye-bye with his daddy he became a totally different child! He is so sweet and cuddly when he is all by himself so today should be a special day for both of them, and for the rest of us as we enjoy the quiet, peaceful atmosphere here at home:).
I have really struggled as a parent, watching my kids deal with some of these circumstances. I mean, did I really drag them across the world, into a foreign culture, expecting them to adapt like an adult would? Have I really expected them to accept a total stranger as a sibling/sister to share with and to love forever. Have I really asked my daughter to give up all that she has ever known, all that feels safe to her, to fly across the globe to another world unknown to her to become part of our family, whom she is still trying to get to know? Have we really added yet another child so quickly, making it seem impossible for all of us to catch our breathe in the midst of an already major transition?
Don't get me wrong...I don't question whether we were supposed to do the things we have done and I wouldn't, for a second, take any of it back or even do any of it differently. God completely orchestrated these events and the timeline in which they occurred. But I do go through periods of doubt and guilt, knowing that we chose this path and have caused their little worlds to be rocked to the core.
I know that this guilt is just a feeling and that you certainly can't trust your feelings 3 weeks after having a baby and less than 2 months after bringing home an adopted child, but it is a constant battle some days to keep my feelings sorted out from the truth. And that truth is that we acted in obedience and we knew it wasn't going to be easy.
Digging deeper has made Josh and I be more intentional with each of our kids. He has been taking them out to run errands one at a time and I've been trying to fit extra one-on-one cuddle time in with them.
Digging deeper and seeing these little things and knowing that they are all coping in different ways has allowed me to be more sensitive and patient with them in these areas, because Lord knows, I need some extra sensitivity and patience with my own issues:)
3 comments:
Just the fact that you recognize the different ways they each are transitioning says a lot for your parenting skills. I'm glad you dug deeper to recognize the changes that needed to be made to accommodate each of them. Just keep your eyes on God. I believe without a doubt he orchestrated everything that happened and children are resilient. They will only remember the good times. And poor Cai probably won't remember anything at all.
Be blessed and keep on doing what you are doing.
You guys are doing such an awesome job, through the Lord's strength. And the traits your children are struggling with are ultimately the ones I know you want them to embrace...hard as it is to see them struggle with it. You are a great momma and I promise...it will get easier! =)
Thank you for sharing this side of adoption. I love to hear how God is giving you both the wisdom and strength to go through this time even though it is far from easy!!
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