Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Marriage Mantra - Part 2

Yesterday we discussed the differences between men and ladies and what each needs.

Today I'm going to outline:  
How To Handle Conflict In A Healthy Way

Communication is broken down into 3 categories:
  1. 55% of communication is nonverbal (the way you act)
  2. 38% of communication is the tone of your voice
  3. 7% of communication is the actual conflict and problem
So, when you are handling conflict, speak the truth in love!  Be kind, compassionate and forgiving.

Here are a couple of RULES when facing conflict:
  • Say it face-to-face - if you noticed, most communication can't be picked up on in an email or text.
  • I Peter 3:8 - Be tender and kind
  • Be found, blameless.  Remember, no one is perfect.  We all have faults, even me:)
  • Say "I'm sorry", "Please forgive me", "I was wrong".  Don't wait for them to speak first!
  • Be Honest: be authentic.  Make sure you fight in the right way, at the right place and at the right time.
  • Remember your level of intimacy when bringing up conflict
  • Be swift to hear, slow to speak
Formula For Handling Conflict
"You cannot walk in the Spirit and be selfish"
Most marriage conflicts are due to selfishness on one, if not both, parties.
-Pastor Jimmy
"Success is never an accident.  
You are only spiritual if you choose to be. 
Hope is not a strategy.
Failure is not an option."
-Pastor Jimmy

"God gives us requirements that are not natural,
they are supernatural."
-Beverly Carroll
I just have to share one more thing.  This was my favorite "nugget" from this last session.
"Set your table as a default for your marriage"
-Pastor Jimmy and Beverly Carroll

This is how they explained this.  When you have a computer that isn't working quite right you can reformat that computer to go back to it's default settings.  You need to know what the default settings are in your own marriage.
Here are a couple of our default settings:
we will always love each other no matter what, divorce will NEVER be an option, we only have eyes for each other, we can come to each other for forgiveness, our home is a safe place, we are free to share the truth in love, Christ is the center of our marriage.

So even when Josh and I are in the heat of an argument we know what our default settings are.  We know these things are true!

Find a time when you and your spouse are at a neutral place in your relationship and set your table together!  I promise you, it will help steer your next conflict to be resolved back to your default settings:)

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