Writing Apology Letters To My Kids

This morning my mouth, and the fiery darts that came from it, completely dictated the temperature of the Colony home.

I had a normal morning.
Quiet time, office work, prep the house for the day (open curtains, turn off nightlight and make beds) had all been completed, but I had this nagging in my heart that wouldn't go away.

My personal feelings of discontentment, whether they had birthed from disobedient children or 3 of them not using common sense (for the LOVE, could you please tell my kids that common sense will take them so much farther in life that not using the intellect that they were given!), or my own personal failures, were boiling up until I hear one little bickering argument over a noise that one child had asked the other NOT to make...

It was not pretty.

Moments after waking up my kids,
the atmosphere became frantic,
the kids began melting down one by one,
and the unsympathetic, accusing, dictating words began to flood out of my mouth before I could even realize what was happening.

I could literally see my kids hearts bleeding...
but the words just kept coming,
which led to more inward frustration at myself because I couldn't get a handle on myself.

Not one ounce of self-control.

Have you ever had one of those days?
No?

Well, I'll admit it.
And I'm ashamed of it!
But I know my God is bigger.

And then the realization of how much I am loved by a Father who is nothing but love comes crashing down on me and I am undone.

After getting the kids to school Jude and I had to run some errands,
and I cried the ENTIRE TIME, ya'll!
Cried and prayed.

Because praying is the only thing that will center me again.
The only lifeline back to the perfect Father, who gives so abundantly and graciously to those who ask.

So I asked.
I BEGGED that He would be the one to guard my mouth and put a watch over my lips (Psalm 141:3), so I can speak healing, truth and love to my kids (Proverbs 12:18).

And, as if writing those verses 5 times in apology letters to my kids weren't enough to get them engrained on my heart, in my head and over my mouth, I wrote them on the walls in my dining room table.

Our words have so much power, and I'm praying mine can become more life-giving than spirit quenching.

"There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts,

but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

Proverbs 12:18