Friday, May 1, 2015

Until My Heart Stops Dancing

I'm not sure Jude will ever get accustomed to his siblings going off to school every day.  In fact, just yesterday he sat down on the driveway in protest as he cried the saddest, biggest tears, because he didn't want to get in the car that would be delivering his playmates to school, and him to his daily solitude.

It is quite possibly the most precious, albeit, heart-wrenching thing to watch.

That being said, we do have a few daily rituals that keep him occupied while he patiently waits for them to trek back home through the field at the end of the afternoon.

We eat "cookie balls" for snacks.
We ride "bikes" (aka - scooters).
We read L-O-T-S of books.
We watch a little Daniel Tiger.
We check on the chickies and the garden.
And one of his all time favorites...

we jump on the trampoline.

The other day after jumping for a while we flopped on our booties and took a break.  I laid back, flat on my back.  And then Jude laid back, flat on his back.  My heart was racing and felt like it was going to pound through my chest.  I called Jude over to put his ear up to my chest to see if he could hear my heart.

He jumped over to where I was laying on the trampoline and practically laid down on top of me as he placed his ear on top of my chest.  After just a few beats he excitedly bounced up and said, "Mommy, it's dancing!"

That morning I had woken up with a heaviness.  Not because of the chaos going on all over the world, although that sure doesn't help matters if you let the reality of our fallen and crumbling world settle in, but it was just going to be one of "those" days.  One of my anxious days.  The kind where I wake up at my threshold before the day even begins.  All triggers and circumstances aside.  It was going to be a day of mentally battling this anxiety in order to regain ground.  In order to claim my life, my day, back even when my body doesn't want to.

But after jude exclaimed those words something happened.  I could almost feel the anxiety melting away.


Because my heart was dancing!

And I realized that even in this daily fight, my heart beats according to His command.  Every breathe is a gift and I don't want to waste a single step.

So, until my heart stops dancing, I am going to keep fighting for that focus and perspective.
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