I've got nothing.
No energy to play with the kids.
No ideas for creativity.
No motivation to exercise.
Just a looming ache in my heart.
I hurt when I see other people hurt...this gift/curse the Lord has granted me.
My heart is actually in pain today.
Zeke is going through some really hard days with school. Josh and I, along with the principal and special resources department, deliberated and prayed through this agonizing decision for weeks until we concluded that Zeke would be better off in the long run by repeating first grade for several reasons, but man the effects of that have been so, SO hard to watch.
He came home yesterday begging to stay home and "go to homeschool", as if that transition could happen overnight. As if that would solve all his problems. As if, staying home and not having to face his friends and their mean remarks from his class that moved on to second grade, would make the whole thing just go away. At least his playground time would be spent playing with loving siblings instead of on the sidelines watching kids that don't necessarily know him or want to get to know him.
Today is only day two and its BOUND to get better, but how in the world do you explain that to a broken 8-year old who thinks "it's going to be lots and lots of years to get to my friends in the other grade!"
We have tried to encourage him the best we can using the Truth from scripture, God's love and promise to walk with us through the valley, the reassurance that it's ok to be sad but that we KNOW it will get better, that he has a chance to be a leader and help his 2 younger siblings who will be joining him on his hallway for school in two days.
But right now nothing is helping.
It's just something he has to walk through
and grow through
and we can only help him get to the other side realizing how the Lord is stretching him and reminding him of this victory in the future.
When my kids ache, my heart hurts.
And it REALLY hurts today.