Monday, April 7, 2014

Not Me Monday ~ toilet paper ration edition

I did NOT get a shower first thing yesterday morning

Wait, I actually did!
Sundays are the one and only consistent day that I do actually get up and showered before the rooster crows

But seriously, my kids did NOT wake up extra early this particular Sunday morning

Nope, they are great sleepers.
And never need me to tell them to get back in bed because "oh no, no, no. it's too too early. get back in bed and go nite-nite"

but if they did happen to get up at least it would just be to go to the bathroom

nothing like an early morning "I just have to poop, mom" to get the day going

and so I would continue on with my getting dressed for church routine while that particular child carries on his, um, business

so I suppose this scenario wouldn't be particularly that bad

unless, of course, he decided to use half a roll of toilet paper to wipe himself
causing a flood of sorts, in the bathroom

We have excellent plumbing in this house
it could TOTALLY take that kind of abuse, no problem

but if this DID happen
we would all stay calm and collected and would NOT

result in 4 Colony kids running up and down the hallway screaming that the toilet is "overfloating REALLY big" while the other child is left jumping up and down in his crib squealing because he feels left out of all the excitement

If this WERE to occur on a Sunday morning (when I'm not leading but Josh is so he's gone) I clearly would disrobe my long, flowing maxi dress that I had just finished putting on to take care of the pee/poop water flood and VERY QUICKLY place some yoga pants and t-shirt on, right?!

Because it would be really, REALLY annoying to have JUST gotten out of the shower, clean and refreshed, and presentable for the first time since last Sunday, only to step ankle deep into that kind of mess with a pretty dress on

But if I did step in both feet, pretty dress and all, I would do it all with grace and compassion, NEVER slamming the door behind me and yelling out to the Colony, "somebody go get the baby out of his bed and tell him to be quiet PLEASE.  Leave me alone in the pee water, cuz this is awesome!  Thank you for this!"

because this good mama NEVER uses sarcasm
because that's just not nice

but maybe if those words did come flooding out of my mouth I would have a quick heart check
(every once in a while my hearts reels my mouth back in, thank God!)
then just resign to the fact that it's not worth fixing right now
slush on over to the commode, water spraying and all
turn the water off
pick up the remaining dry things off the floor
lay every beach towel and rag out on the floor that we own
take a deep breathe
open the door and quickly shut it behind me
change dresses
and leave the mess for later

and then begin hanging this particular colony member's toilet paper ration near the toilet for him (with twine of course, because that makes everything look nicer) to use from now on

Man I'm glad that never happened yesterday!

PS-Don't worry, YOU will not be held to the same toilet paper ration if you come over for a visit:)
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