Friday, April 6, 2012

Holy Expectations

Sitting at the kitchen table this morning I could feel my blood beginning to boil inside.

I was getting irritable and annoyed at the littlest things that the kids were doing.

I decided that it was time for a mommy time-out and locked myself in my room took off to my room for a minute of solitude (and steady breathing:).

I hate those days when I feel like this and can't pin point exactly what has triggered this onset of emotions and feelings.

As I sat there evaluating the reality of the situation (instead of relying on my inconsistent feelings, which is so often my tendency) I finally realized what the root of my problem was.

I had all these unrealistic expectations for Holy Week, especially today of all days, Good Friday!

I mean, don't these kids of mine understand what today is?  Don't they get what sacrifice God gave?  Don't they realize that this is the day set aside to reflect on Jesus' death?!

I want so badly to just sit in contemplative silence as I reflect on the significance of this day.  For my kids to quietly listen while we share the Easter story.  For them to eagerly do all the "fun" activities we've planned out for this special week.

In my perfect world there would be no arguing with me over doing creative Easter activities and no tears shed because they are "all done", even though I insist on capturing the moments on camera for all my eager blog readers to see (insert sarcasm).  No begging to eat the Resurrection cookies for breakfast or complaining that they don't WANT to clean today.

I just want so badly for my kids to "get it". To understand the gravity of THEIR sin and the sacrifice Christ made for THEM, as if my creativity were the only way to their hearts.

And then I come back down to earth and realized the reality that Christ has given me in this season of life.

The reality that I do, in fact, have 5 young children.  That I daily have to remind myself that God has not given me more than I can handle through Him.  That my kids are sinners, just like their mama.  That life throws us unexpected curve balls that make our neatly planned out schedules crumble apart.  That kid's don't always want to act out stories in the Bible and no matter how "holy" the cookies are, they will whine to eat them before breakfast!

Then I overheard the sweetest thing.  The littles were playing nicely together in the living room (which is a rare thing to come by these days) singing sweet songs about Jesus' sacrifice while Zeke told the others that they just couldn't think only about Easter today because they needed to think about Jesus.  He is more important and He is what Easter is REALLY about.

So maybe I'm not in a season where I can just sit and reflect on God's goodness and sacrifice all day, but I AM in a season where I am constantly reminded (mostly by the children given to me) of who He is and what He has done for ME, a sinful mama saved by His grace.
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