I also had a heart for special needs children. My cousin with Down's Syndrome has always been one of the most precious creations to me and I could totally see God entrusting me with a child with some sort of special need.
But in my daydreams and thoughts of the future I always envisioned a little girl who was blind, a boy who couldn't hear, or having a child with some other "typical" type of special need that I had been accustomed to seeing.
Well, here I am. The mother of 5 children, and if that isn't a miracle in and of itself, God created one of them with some pretty major "special needs".
But they aren't the ones I ever envisioned walking through with one of my children.
I never even considered these things to equal a "special needs" child.
My son may look normal and appear to be a typical 9-year old, so to an on-looker he just seems like an unruly kid who has parents that simply can't get him under control.
But under that stubborn personality is fear.
Beneath that fight for control is inner chaos.
He is extremely sensitive to emotions, peoples feelings, his surroundings, noises, senses, spiritual warfare...you name it, he is sensitive toward it (or so it seems).
He is obsessive about who has touched or breathed on his food.
He has sensory issues, OCD tendencies, ADHD, processing and other disorders...
I am here to encourage other moms who have children like mine.
You aren't alone.
I know you are exhausted because you can't let your guard down, even for a second, because you have to be prepared for the next "episode". You know from experience that it can typically come without triggers or warnings, and you have to be ready. Always ready.
I know you feel like you have missed something, second guessing all of your parenting techniques and strategies.
I know you get the constant looks and words of advice on how to handle your kid when in public.
I know it effects your entire family. Finding someone who can watch him AND the others just for you to go to small group or even on a date is difficult.
I know the tendency to compare this child to others.
I know that you wish there was some kind of magic regiment that made all these "special" things just disappear.
But I also know that God doesn't make mistakes. He makes us in His image.
Every. Single. One. Of. Us.
And I believe the things that make my Zeke "special" are the things that God is going to use in the biggest way! It is out of Zeke's control. It is completely out of my control (no matter how hard I try to "fix" it). Medication/vitamins/ diet can only go so far.
God is His loving Heavenly Father, with a bigger plan for my special boy than I will ever be able to imagine.
So believe that God can use the "special" parts.
Pray audaciously for God to make it beautiful.
And then ask Him to show you how to jump on board with His plan as you help guide your child through this rough terrain.
Today I am thankful that He makes beautiful things out of our weaknesses.