Sunday, June 10, 2012
A Gentle Rebuke
It's been a weird week to be one of my kids.
I've really been out of sorts and I don't even know exactly why. I HATE when I can't pinpoint where my emotions and feelings are coming from.
Anyway, I would try so hard to keep it together and not lose my cool. It was all the little things piling up, which made for a not-so-little reaction on my part.
I've been overly sensitive and underly compassionate!
So naturally I took it out on my poor kids.
I can talk about controlling the tongue to my littles until I'm blue in the face, but it isn't going to do a lick of good coming from a mama who can't control her own tongue.
I've been around long enough to know several things:
1 - I have got to get it together!
2 - I am allowing Satan to have a foothold in my life by continuing on this way.
3 - It is better to talk openly about my struggles than to try and pretend that everything is ok. (like my crankiness wasn't enough to give that one away, ha!)
4 - God will not allow us to deal with things that are too much for us to handle with His help. You have to ask for help though!
5 - Children are WAY MORE SENSITIVE to what is going on in your life than you realize.
After spending some quiet moments (locked in my bathroom) praying about my attitude, I came out and apologized to my kids. They each gave me sweet hugs and told me they loved me and that it was okay.
A few minutes later, while cleaning up the house for the 4th time in an hour (that's just ONE of the "little things" that sent me over the edge) Zeke looked over at me with the most serious look in his eyes, yet speaking in the most loving tone, and gently rebuked me. He said, "Mommy, you have sin in your heart when you yell at us."
Yup, our little prophet strikes again!
I heard that!
I received it!
The Lord just used my sweet boy to gently rebuke my behavior and open my eyes to the fact that my kids are truly affected in so many ways by my actions.
You better believe I spent the better part of my evening last night asking God for forgiveness, wisdom and a breakthrough.
So, I took the 5 things I knew from above and formulated a game plan.
This game plan was going to help with #1 and eliminate #2.
I called a family meeting over mac-n-cheese at lunch today and put #3 into action. The kids and I brainstormed about things that make mommy frustrated and grumpy and talked about how I need help from them and from God because I can't have a happy heart on my own.
We devised a secret code that only WE will be able to decode (along with my privileged readers, of course:). When I feel overwhelmed and the urge to pull my hair and scream, all I have to do to enlist my little helpers is yell out "GM! GM!" That stands for "Grumpy Mom" and they will stop what they are doing and look around to assess the problem. If they realize that it is a mess that is about to send me over the edge they have 3 minutes to straighten it up before "GM" comes with a trash bag and "cleans house". If it is because of bickering they better work it out and quick.
It was very eye-opening to hear my kid's perspective about the things they think set me into a tizzy.
#4 is a true reality and I am embracing this on a daily basis as I learn to be the mommy that each of my littles need me to be, which will hopefully mean that #5 will be more positive next week than last.