I completely lost it yesterday.
It began as "one of those days" and very quickly became one of THOSE days.
I don't know what happened...wait, yes I do!
I got an email early afternoon and my mind immediately started spinning. Wondering what this information meant for us as a family, for starters, and then all the other areas this information could potentially effect.
I felt the need to control certain situations that were totally out of my control...and it simply wasn't happening. But you don't know anything about that, do you:)
The next wrong turn I made was allowing my pride to get in the way. Things were changing in an area that i had worked really hard in. I felt an unwarranted sense of ownership and was unwilling to accept that things were changing that I had no idea about.
Then I began dwelling on the "what-if's" of the situation. I began to worry about things that could happen, before they have even occurred. This made my stomach churn and my head start to hurt. I don't think that this is on the list of "pure" things God tells us to dwell on!
I let it effect my whole day, totally stealing any joy that I had in my heart. This quickly effected my mood, my emotions, my attitude with my children and my anxiety.
Oh, and did I mention that I took myself off of my meds last week. I couldn't have picked a better time, huh?!
So, I prayed to God, and he immediately took all sense of anxiety away and made everything right.
No, that's not exactly what happened.
I did spend the rest of the day asking the Lord to calm my heart, knowing that I was totally incapable of calming myself down, and asking Him to forgive me of for my pride. I sought council from godly people in my life, I closed my computer, stopped answering my phone turned on some of my favorite music, put my bathing suit on and took an ice cold coke outside to lay on a blanket while the kids ran around catching critters.
I realized that the emails and phone conversations were triggering more anxiety than not and that I just needed to cut myself off from the situation for a while, even though I KNEW that it wouldn't automatically make my anxiety go away.