Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Humble Pie

I completely lost it yesterday.

It began as "one of those days" and very quickly became one of THOSE days.

I don't know what happened...wait, yes I do!

I got an email early afternoon and my mind immediately started spinning.  Wondering what this information meant for us as a family, for starters, and then all the other areas this information could potentially effect.

I felt the need to control certain situations that were totally out of my control...and it simply wasn't happening.  But you don't know anything about that, do you:)

The next wrong turn I made was allowing my pride to get in the way.  Things were changing in an area that i had worked really hard in.  I felt an unwarranted sense of ownership and was unwilling to accept that things were changing that I had no idea about.

Then I began dwelling on the "what-if's" of the situation.  I began to worry about things that could happen, before they have even occurred.  This made my stomach churn and my head start to hurt.  I don't think that this is on the list of "pure" things God tells us to dwell on!

I let it effect my whole day, totally stealing any joy that I had in my heart.  This quickly effected my mood, my emotions, my attitude with my children and my anxiety.

Oh, and did I mention that I took myself off of my meds last week.  I couldn't have picked a better time, huh?!

So, I prayed to God, and he immediately took all sense of anxiety away and made everything right.

No, that's not exactly what happened.

I did spend the rest of the day asking the Lord to calm my heart, knowing that I was totally incapable of calming myself down, and asking Him to forgive me of for my pride.  I sought council from godly people in my life, I closed my computer, stopped answering my phone turned on some of my favorite music, put my bathing suit on and took an ice cold coke outside to lay on a blanket while the kids ran around catching critters.

I realized that the emails and phone conversations were triggering more anxiety than not and that I just needed to cut myself off from the situation for a while, even though I KNEW that it wouldn't automatically make my anxiety go away.
When I woke up this morning I was reminded of how fragile our lives really are.  God created our bodies to need rest.  It is a daily reminder that we need Him and that in that rest we can wake up fresh with His glorious mercy that is new every morning...and boy did I need a fresh anointing of his grace and love and mercy this morning!
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