Every once in a while I like to pull out a little Lugandan to see if she recognizes any words.
Her vocabulary, which once housed 3 fluent languages (as fluent as a 3-year-old can be anyway), none of which was English, now only comprehends English. It's funny how the human brain works.
When asked about specific things in the babies home she will begin talking as though she remembers, but eventually the story morphs into a different memory that is most often a time while we were all together in Uganda or a memory of her life here.
But every once in a while, out of nowhere, she will say something that I have no recollection of. A glimpse of the past. And she gets this look in her eyes as if it is a distant memory, and not quite sure if it actually happened.
Most of her earliest remembrances only go back to our earliest days with her. She frequently talks about the gum incident between her and Cai which we will never get to the bottom of, I am sure. She also talks about how "mommy had to leave and I stay with daddy". She talks about specific outfits she wore, or games we played. When she talks a lot of it is of her time alone with Josh after we all left.
We talk very openly about her birth mother who gave life to her, but she doesn't seem to remember her at all. We try to trigger memories of the Aunties who loved on her in the babies home and only get blank stares in return.
The photos of her friends in the orphanage are only strange faces to her now.
We have no intention of keeping her from knowing first-hand about her first culture and the heritage that she was birthed into. It lies deep within all of our hearts.
Will she want to move back there?
When will she begin asking those tough questions? The ones of infancy that I have no answers for?
Will she be bitter? Excited? Indifferent?
Time will only tell.
For now we will continue to store away those little glimpses of her unknown past as we make a beautiful present together, and pray that we will loosely hold the future for whatever the Lord has planned for our sweet Ugandan daughter, no matter where it may take her.